Orioles manager Dave Trembley replaced, Cal Ripken bobbleheads to assume position

Faced with the worst record in the major leagues last Friday (15-39), president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail made the landmark decision to replace manager Dave Trembley with something just as effective; a trio of collectible Cal Ripken Jr. bobbleheads. “Really this one’s a no brainer. The symbolic presence of Cal will provide every Oriole […]

Peter Angelos scraps Orioles roster, replaces with velociraptor clones

Faced with the current failure of this season’s Orioles magic, as well as the death of a convicted petty criminal and a 3-win record this season, Orioles owner Peter Angelos has decided to listen to his critics and do what many feel he has needed to for years now; replace the entire roster with cloned […]

Update: Judge sentences criminal to watch every Orioles game

Last September, in what had seemed to be a routine reckless endangerment case, Baltimore City Circuit Court judge Sylvester B. Cox handed down a sentence to defendant Ray Ray Richards; his punishment being to watch every Orioles game for the next three seasons. Deemed “exceedingly cruel” by various human rights organizations, the sentence sent shockwaves […]

Opening Day Exclusive – unPeter Angelos, the interview

Lo, the highest Baltimore holiday in existence – Orioles Opening Day – is upon us, and to mark the occasion I felt it appropriate to have a fireside chat with the most powerful man in Baltimore, unPeter Angelos. Our interview lasted 6 days and ended in a great deal of love-making.

Orioles implement “Orioles Magic” by using actual magic

Facing the possibility of repeating 2009’s record of Worst Team in The AL East, Baltimore Orioles manager Dave Trembley has made the revolutionary decision to incorporate actual magic into the Orioles playing strategy, in an effort to give the struggling team an edge. “‘Orioles Magic’ has been our theme for the past few seasons,” Trembley […]

Scientists reveal – working out possible without Under Armour

Researchers at the NIH recently concluded a three year, $104 million study examining the survival qualities of individuals broken up into two cohorts: those that wear Under Armour brand athletic apparel while engaging in physical activities, versus those that do not. On Sunday in an article published in Nature, the findings concluded that it is, […]