Peter Angelos scraps Orioles roster, replaces with velociraptor clones

Faced with the current failure of this season’s Orioles magic, as well as the death of a convicted petty criminal and a 3-win record this season, Orioles owner Peter Angelos has decided to listen to his critics and do what many feel he has needed to for years now; replace the entire roster with cloned […]

Update: Judge sentences criminal to watch every Orioles game

Last September, in what had seemed to be a routine reckless endangerment case, Baltimore City Circuit Court judge Sylvester B. Cox handed down a sentence to defendant Ray Ray Richards; his punishment being to watch every Orioles game for the next three seasons. Deemed “exceedingly cruel” by various human rights organizations, the sentence sent shockwaves […]

Opening Day Exclusive – unPeter Angelos, the interview

Lo, the highest Baltimore holiday in existence – Orioles Opening Day – is upon us, and to mark the occasion I felt it appropriate to have a fireside chat with the most powerful man in Baltimore, unPeter Angelos. Our interview lasted 6 days and ended in a great deal of love-making.

The greatest bail bonds card ever? Or: Explosions improve everything

Now, I have seen my fair share of bail bonds cards, Big Boyz Bail Bonds pens (I have 40,000), bail bonds bumper stickers, child safety seats and toilet brushes but this, this card, this magnificent bastard is my new favorite. Why? Because it has an explosion. Plain and simple. You don’t think explosions make for […]

5 potential replacements for the male/female statue

In our last episode, we covered five possible alternative uses for the male/female statue in front of Penn Station that currently offends the eyes of all things living. And since the statue has officially been repurposed, now we begin the process of searching for a replacement. (click for big) As was suggested previously by Baltimore […]