Buck Showalter to debut new Orioles training technique

Newly minted Orioles manager is set to introduce a new and controversial method for preparing his squad for the upcoming season, at a time when the Orioles’ stadium attendance is at an all-time low and their pre-Showalter performance had been biblically terrible. The technique’s codename: Glower Power. Mr. Showalter minced no words and took to […]

Luke Scott dislikes Obama, sad about lack of guns

In other political news, the Orioles’ designated hitter Luke Scott does not believe that the President was born in the US. For the constitutionally inept, if true, Obama would be ineligible for the Presidency. Obviously, this is a pretty controversial position, if you’re retarded. The full interview at Yahoo Sports is full of enlightening little […]

Orioles manager Dave Trembley replaced, Cal Ripken bobbleheads to assume position

Faced with the worst record in the major leagues last Friday (15-39), president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail made the landmark decision to replace manager Dave Trembley with something just as effective; a trio of collectible Cal Ripken Jr. bobbleheads. “Really this one’s a no brainer. The symbolic presence of Cal will provide every Oriole […]

Peter Angelos scraps Orioles roster, replaces with velociraptor clones

Faced with the current failure of this season’s Orioles magic, as well as the death of a convicted petty criminal and a 3-win record this season, Orioles owner Peter Angelos has decided to listen to his critics and do what many feel he has needed to for years now; replace the entire roster with cloned […]

Update: Judge sentences criminal to watch every Orioles game

Last September, in what had seemed to be a routine reckless endangerment case, Baltimore City Circuit Court judge Sylvester B. Cox handed down a sentence to defendant Ray Ray Richards; his punishment being to watch every Orioles game for the next three seasons. Deemed “exceedingly cruel” by various human rights organizations, the sentence sent shockwaves […]

Opening Day Exclusive – unPeter Angelos, the interview

Lo, the highest Baltimore holiday in existence – Orioles Opening Day – is upon us, and to mark the occasion I felt it appropriate to have a fireside chat with the most powerful man in Baltimore, unPeter Angelos. Our interview lasted 6 days and ended in a great deal of love-making.