Your source for Baltimore snark and other stuff, since 2008
By Sam Sessa Ever been to Cracker Barrel? Of course you have. You’re an American, and Cracker Barrel is where America has breakfast. And lunch. And sometimes dinner. On the same day. The parking lot is never empty at Cracker Barrel. Even in a blizzard, someone is always sitting in those rustic wooden rocking chairs […]
Dear Owner of the House Two Doors to Down From Mine, You don’t know me. We’ve never met. Not because I’m not around. I know most of the people on our block extremely well. We’ve never met because you never come around. The other residents of our block say terrible things about you. They say […]
Dear CTB Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here. Today I come before you with a confused heart. I am befuddled, flabbergasted, completely and utterly dumbfounded. “Why? Why Bishop are you so confused?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Recently I saw the following advertisement on Craigslist: Category: CL > Baltimore > All Personals > […]
Hello CTB Family, Your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here. Today I would like to share with you the horror of my Monday night. This terrible evening shall henceforth be known as: THE GREAT TOILET WAR OF 2013 In the basement of the house I rent there is a free-standing toilet. There are no walls around […]
Hello CTB Family, Your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here. The following is a real series of phone conversations I had with a Baltimore teen who participated in a youth program I led. Here is the cast of characters: Bishop – That’s me. David – The seventeen-year-old living in Pig Town who was part of the youth […]
If there’s anything science has shown us, it’s the universal truth that whence in a car and feeling “the discomfort,” for whatever reason it’s not nearly as excruciating as the stretch of land inbetween doorway to porcelain; the physical pain reaching a logarithmic peak at roughly 10 feet. So the experimental procedure remains to have […]