I’m taking a quick detour from my regular Bloggie Route to deliver a follow-up edition of more ‘Texts from Reeses’, which only took up a portion of my last Bloggie (I‘ll post the link at the bottom for the uncool peeps who haven’t read them).
This special blog package arrived due to the overwhelmingly positive feedback I got for Reeses, which really was just my drunk buddy slurring “Yo dawg… dat cat of yours be craayyy!”, and some girl I met on the Jewish dating site Jdate who texted me “lol” after reading it.
Speaking of which, Shoshana if you are reading this, I am sorry I lied to you about being Jewish. My name is not really Aviram. I just love me some Jews, and I was just lonely that night when I found you online. Jew know what I mean?
I do hope we can continue our electronic affair, as I do like bagels and lox (the salmon, not the rap group), and also use kosher salt in my cooking.
Also, Fiddler on the Roof is one of my favorite films, and I long to have pleasurable, sexy-time stomach explosion on Natalie Portman. That should at least qualify me to be 3 or 4% Jewish, right?
Oh, and yea, that photo of me I sent you is actually a young photo of Mathew Broderick I found online, which you said made you hotter than a steaming matzoh ball. And Ferris Bueller is only half Jewish. Anyway, I’m sorry I mislead you. I hope I can challah at you later.
Alright, back to regularly scheduled programming. As I noted last time, these are real texts from my cat Reeses, in its unedited, original form. In fact, he was so happy that we are doing a sequel that he donated some photos of himself for this blog. He wants you all to get to know him a bit better; to see the fur behind the fonts.
Plus he knows his sister Molly will be getting a phone soon, and will be texting him and me (that’s a hint for a spin-off series you dense potato-heads), so he wants to rigorously suck up the limelight now like a 14 year old boy giving his first hickey.
Note: I will be numbering the Texts in continuation from prior ones, as I plan to tell a complete story. Chronologically, it serves as an easy reference point. I have outlined Reeses’ Life Story, and estimate it will take approximately 1.8 Million texts to achieve it. This is a bit daunting, but I hope you all continue to follow along, as in 83 years, your loyalty will pay off because the ending is incredible!
So without further a’meow:
Here’s the link the his prior 18 Texts:
18 Texts From My Cat, Puff Daddy, and the Secret to Blogging!
WhamBam TY Tam!
2 thoughts on “23 NEW TEXTS FROM MY CAT REESES, AND I LOVE ME SOME JEWS!”
Tam, despite how often it gets thrown around, “half Jewish” and other such terms are meaningless. According to israeli law, and Halacha (religious law), it is an all or nothing equation.
But what about a drop of fudge into milk will make it chocolate milk? I say baaahumbug to Halakha! How is it that you are Jewish if you were born from a Jewish mama and non-Jewish papa, but you are NOT Jewish if you are born from a Jewish papa and NON-Jewish mama? Reeses may start texting the Rabbi about this!