City Hall, Baltimore – A happy announcement today as 61 year old 3rd District Councilman Bobby Curran announced that he is expecting a baby boy in August of this year. In anticipation of this event, Curran has announced his child’s candidacy for the 3rd Council district in 2031, which is when Curran anticipates retiring.
“My kid’s gonna have a good legacy to run on.” Curran beamed, citing his family’s established political record in the city. “When you think Curran, you think of all the great stuff that’s happened around these here 3rd district parts. Smoking ban? That was me.”
In anticipation of his unborn child’s run for office, Bobby has announced he will form a political action committee to ensure his child’s imminent success. The PAC, known as the Baltimore Repeating Awesome Traditions Political Action Committee (BRATPAC) is committed to ensuring that the political families of Baltimore are able to continue their legacies of leadership in Baltimore and, “continue getting the free monies,” Curran stated.
“BRATPAC’s gonna have a big impact here in Baltimore. When you think of the great traditions of our political families here – Branch, Welch, Conaway, Curran – you know we’re doing big things. After all, the places where our political families live are the gems of the City.”
William “Pete” Welch – who replaced his mother, Councilwoman Agnes Welch, in 2011 – agreed with Curran’s sentiment, pointing out the work that his own family has done for the 9th district. “The ninth district is like Camelot for ma and me, know what I’m saying? When I look at how great this district’s become since momma got into power, I know Prince Pistol Pete’s done right by our peasan- I mean, folks here.” Welch then peered at a staff member who snorted for seemingly no apparent reason.
To prepare for future baby Curran’s eventual ascent to the Baltimore City Council, the editorial board of the Baltimore Sun has issued an unprecedented but lukewarm endorsement of the as yet unnamed child, noting:
Although it is true that young Curran has not done anything as of yet – and indeed, has not yet even been born – we are confident that the established leadership of Curran, combined with voter apathy, will ensure this family legacy’s continuation.