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Continuing and expanding from our last tale about Jamaica – I would like to introduce you all to Kenisha, our batshit crazy tour guide while on our snorkeling expedition. Kenisha first made herself known to me by shouting “Hey Jesus! Hey Jesus!” numerous times while trying to get my attention for the snorkeling signup; I guess for whatever reason she thought I look like Jesus – which is utter crap, but I wasn’t really terribly interested in spending the time trying to tell her what my name actually was. At any rate, after having signed up for our trip she tried to convince some of the girls we were with to come to her house the following day (off resort, god only knows where) to get their hair braided, which to me sounded like a hilarious opportunity to get some photos of the “real” Jamaica – unfortunately to everyone else it sounded like a hilarious opportunity to get robbed and probably kidnapped. |
Anyhoodle, it wasn’t until we actually began our journey out into the bays of Jamaica that I realized just how crazy this person was.
| Within what couldn’t have been more than 20 minutes and a drop of rum out to sea, she was screaming SCREAMING and jumping around the boat like a true crack head. She would literally just be sitting there, perfectly quiet for a little while, and burst into uncontrollable laughter followed by some unintelligible song like “ThIs IS tHe PaAArty bOOOAT!!” This went on for about an hour or more, until we finally reached Lobster Island, at which point she proceeded to smoke a bunch of the Devil’s weed (previously mentioned). |  |
Fortunately for everyone, having smoked some pot made her a little sleepy and she took a few little naps. She was fairly quiet, sort of, except she would occasionally yell “HIII HIIII HIII!!! WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” for no apparent reason until one of the people we were with said “Girl, you’re gonna have to stop that coz you’re giving me a headache.” Regardless, we kept moving along prior to snorkeling and eventually arrived at probably the coolest thing in the world: a trampoline, in the middle of the water. And it wasn’t one of those cases where there were like sixty lifeguards yelling not to do flips or jump too high – we were basically there and free to break necks at will. And it was awesome. Kenisha did not disappoint in this instance, either.
Observe, as KK shows up at around 0:55 and gets all up in it. (And by it, I mean insanity)
Kenisha kept on keepin’ on, jumping around and booty dancing and hanging from things on the boat until eventually we arrived at our final destination, Rick’s Cafe, and she had to act like “professional” guide. Rick’s Cafe, where things took a turn for the…. legendary. Stay Tuned.
Greatest. Local. Website. Ever.
Werd.