My Picks for the worst ads in America 2011

Consumerist is running one of its most treasured annual routines until October 16th, the Worst Ads Awards, where readers get to vote for, well, the worst ads in America broken down by category (Creepiest, Worst, Most Annoying Performance By a Human, etc.). This year has had a slew of television ads worthy of scorn, some of which *really* suck, others not so much, and still others that should have made the nominee listing but didn’t (I’m looking at you, Kegasus). Check out the full listing via the link above and cringe at the awfulness of my personal votes for Worst Ads in America 2011:

ABSOLUTE WORST AD

The selections were kind of weak in this category as I could easily think of several ads worse than these (any and all Miracle Whip ads) – but this Luvs commercial featuring cartoon babies shitting themselves in a shitting themselves contest to the tune of “Whoomp There It Is” is truly inspired. And by inspired, I mean goddamn awful.

Most Grating Performance By a Human

It’ true, Flo from Progressive is annoyingly exuberant about insurance (in fact, all insurance commercials as of late seem to share this quality), but the chick featured in this ad for Metamucil gets my vote because of her annoying exuberance concerning fiber AND her smarmy back-and-forth with coworkers in those hellacious eSurance ads (see below). The AT&T Flashmob guy is definitely close, but he’s only in one spot.

Group That Ought to Go Its Separate Ways

UGH SHUT UP STOP MAKING THIS SHIT JUST GO BACK TO THE CARTOON LADY SPY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INSURANCE

Most Irritating Animated Actor

I’m going rogue on this one – though not nominated, I say The General Auto Insurance has not only the worst, but the shittiest-ly animated character in all of television, and A PENGUIN. I don’t know why or who or what thought that pairing up a penguin with a general and putting them on the beach would somehow turn you the consumer onto auto insurance, but this is horrible garbage.

Worst Abuse of an Existing Song

This one was *excruciatingly* difficult to pick, since three out of four of these picks are just horrific. Old Navy rewriting Sister Christian to be about football is unforgivable, Value City using Queen (at least they didn’t rewrite the song) to sell furniture is god awful – but this Swiffer commercial wins hands down because the premise of dirt and dust as lonely women aching so very badly for a GODDAMN CLEANING PRODUCT to the tune of What About Love is so rage inducing I’m having a difficult time not launching this monitor through the bay window of my office.

Original Jingle That Should Be Junked

Good Mood Food isn’t even as bad as those Education Connection commercials, but it gets my vote because I feel as though the Education Connection commercials should actually be in the Worst Ads Ever category (in all history).

Creepiest Commercial of the Year

Despite Penis Pumps being nominated, I’m going rogue again in this category and nominate the “I’ll snort/lick Doritos dust off of anything” guy because that shit is gross, creepy AND annoying simultaneously.

Celebrity Who Could Probably Use A New Manager Right Now

Come on Claire Danes, really? I mean the other people on this list (Montel Williams, Hulk Hogan, Jamie Lee Curtis) are fairly past their prime, this is just lazy. You’ve got chops! Don’t pimp weird, bizarre side-effect having pharmaceuticals aimed at women with tiny eyelashes! It’s dumb! You’re dumb! Get a new manager!

Trends That Need To Stop Being Trends

Men are lunkheads who somehow manage to put up with their harpy wives and girlfriends.
(As seen in ads for AT&T, McDonald’s and Klondike) – this trend is so pervasive and ubiquitous in advertising right now, along with its kissing cousin “Men are dumb as dogshit about everything and the woman will fix it with her knowledge while rolling her eyes” it makes me want to hide in a coffin. MEN AMIRITE? WOMEN AMIRITE? COHABITATING SURE IS ZANY! WHO ATE ALL THE YOGURT!! THE DOG DID!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ADVERTISING!!!

 

….Anyway those are my picks.