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Ahhhhh Buttrock. Generic, uninspired aural diarrhea that has somehow actually managed to evolve – as far as primordial ooze can, in a way – into its own genre, its own way of life. And although the internet may provide varying opinions, as some consider Hair Metal or early 80’s Crotch Rock to be Butt Rock, Butt Rock is and always will be the sweet sounds of Creed on a warm July evening; the vocal bullfrogging of Scott Stapp serenading your earholes as you attempt to seduce that chick from your Intro class at the Beer Party off campus. Creed may have been a mutated less relevant and probably more Christian assumption of the “Post-Grunge” era, but one thing’s for sure, a shit load of bands took it a step further and made Creed look like the rank amateurs, the single-celled paramecia of Butt Rock. |
Through a lengthy, 3 hour process of searching Youtube and wanting to die the whole way through, I bring you… the 4 best Buttrock songs. Ever.
4 – Puddle of Mudd: Control (video)- The earliest post-Creed Buttrock I can remember hearing on the radio and laughing uncontrollably at the lyrics, with lead vocalist Edge from WWE (not really) singing about dirty cages and having his ass smacked. A good primer for the Buttrock initiate.
3 – Hinder: Lips of an Angel (video) – A softer, gentler side of Buttrock, in which a man waxes poetically about the quality of the lips of the girl he’s cheating on his girlfriend with as it relates to her oral sex capabilities. *Sigh* so romantic.
2 – Buckcherry: Crazy Bitch (embedding disabled coz it’s TOO HOT FOR EMBEDDING) – What can I say? Buckcherry is a perfect Buttrock band. They’re so highly evolved in their skill with regard to singing about strippers, having sex with insane women, and liberal use of the word Fuck, coupled with hard-driving rock riffs that every time I’m at a bar and this song comes on, it’s like some sort of hypnogas is being pumped into the air and girls start magically dancing and singing along even though they’re in effect saying to everyone there “I’m a crazy bitch too! Scratches all down my back and yours!” Kudos to you, Buckcherry!
1 – Nickelback: Something in Your Mouth (THERE IS NO OFFICIAL VIDEO! TOO HOT FOR YOUTUBE!) – Off all of the contenders to the crown, who would have ever thought that the crowned princes of Buttrock would have come from Canada? Nickelback is truly and without question the pinnacle of modern day Buttrock as we know it: Stappular vocals, 1-D rock chords, strippers, cars, the list goes on! This track deserves top spot on the list because it actually incorporates a double entendre / wordplay that involves oral sex and a stripper with a lollipop in her mouth, the latter being a visual reminder of oral sex in the first place. It’s genius. So genius, in fact, that you might not think it’s a double entendre at all, but you’d be wrong, because Chad Kroeger is a MENSA-certified poetic genius. All hail Nickelback.
“Bad Girlfriend” – Theory of a Deadman, FTW.
holy hell i only had to look at the thumbnail, this list may need to be adjusted
I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the dude from Puddle of Mudd was writing the lyrics to that song.
“I love the way you look at me”
OK yeah that’s a good one. Now what can I write after that? What goes well with that? Wait, how about:
“I love the way you smack my ass”
YEAH! WHOA! That’s some hot stuff, man. Now how do I bring it all home? I know!
“I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you”
Poetic genius.
And when he’s 50 and hanging out at Bennigan’s hitting on a 20 year old at the bar he’ll be like “Hey ever heard of Puddle of Mudd? Yeah I wrote that She Fucking Hates Me song. Wanna go to the handicap stall?”
There is also Porn Star Dancin by My Darkest Days.
BUTTROCK NEVER LEFT
Butt, look how powerful Creed is!! That music saves LIVES.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/21/creed-saves-a-norwegian-boy_n_812319.html
Not to mention, it’s also Chris Evans/Captain America’s favorite band.
So there.
Wow i just lost a lot of respect for Chris Evans
You had respect for him to begin with?
… i am far too familiar with this ghastly list of songs. Strippers need better taste in music and Score’s Baltimore needs a new play list. but we all knew this already.
I’m not even sure what vocal leapgfrogging entails but it’s some hilarious word smithery.
How does Daughtry not make the cut?
You’re describing 21st century Wuss Rock. Butt Rock will always be associated with the ’80s Hair/Glam crap.
That’s Crotch Rock.
Cock Rock and Butt Rock are the same thing.
Exactly. Maybe its a generational thing, but to me, butt rock is poison, white snake, ratt…ect…
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/228441e0b7404fc33aee7d42778d8c29c2b4388782f6efa2dd8f766a633123fe.jpg
I’m severely bipolar and when we hooked up in 2002 I was really nervous so talked too much that I guess it was the best thing to stuff in my mouth to get me to shut up…but maybe he took advantage of me because months later he asked me to write him a bunch of emo mushy love letter emails because he liked to read them but he said he was too busy to write back…then he wanted me to send him a naked pic of me holding a sign saying I want to fuck cyric …but then when I didn’t do it he kicked me to the curb…or maybe it was because I blabbed to a few of his little boy friends at quake3world that he met me in real life