SpaceManAndy’s Advice for Hit-It-And-Quit-It

This week’s question receives a gift certificate to Harborque! Keep those questions coming to advice@citythatbreeds.com!

Dear Spaceman Andy,

What is the most polite way to tell someone they cannot spend the night over after sex without having to say “Get your clothes on and get the f**k out – but untie me first?”

Thanks,

Ms. Hit-It-And-Quit-It in Baltimore

Dear Hit-It-And-Quit-It,

Some advice-givers would tell you to be up front and honest with those you chose to engage in sex acts with. I am not one of them. I prefer the use of elaborate trickery. Here’s my take on the situation: Your bedroom is probably too enticing. What, do you have a bed in there? Beds are unnecessary for what you want. Does your house have a basement? Throw some rags on the floor.

(Cue Martha Stewart voice) Put in a small television set and a folding chair to give the place a “lived-in” look. You could also spruce the place up with some chains and rope to taste (end Martha Stewart voice). The point here is that rags on the floor are fine for sexing, not so much for sleeping. Once the deed is done and he looks around, chances are your gentleman caller will want to leave as quickly as possible. And hey, you do have a real room, so if your conquest of the evening decides he does want to stay, you can slip away up to the comfort of your own room. You even have the option of locking the door, to ensure that nothing in your house gets stolen. Trust me, after realizing they’ve been locked in the basement for the night, he won’t be able to get out of your house fast enough! So I guess my advice is that you need to keep your bedroom for sleeping and your sex dungeon for sexing.

Or, you know, you could sleep with real men instead of boys that are going to want to cry and cuddle and talk about their feelings. I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe? -SpaceManAndy On a related note: Inquiring minds want to know what you’re doing this weekend. Kindly leave your phone number in the comments section.