Green Beer! Ugh, green beer.

Don’t get me wrong folks. Theoretically green beer on St. Patrick’s Day is a fun way to be festive without wearing 265754 pieces of stupid flair, wigs, leotards, “DRINK ME I’M IRISH LOL” shirts, whatever.

And once you’ve had your penny Guinness, your dollar Jameson, your two penny XTREME Guinness Bawls Guarana Car Bomb XTREME you’re more than ready and willing to swill down anything green, whether it’s beer or bong water. But GOD DAMN, I drank a few of these green abominations this past Saturday- essentially Miller Lite with water and food coloring – and I do declare I’ll never stray from the brown beers again.

…until tomorrow. When I do it again. Dammit. Happy Actual St. Patrick’s Day everyone.