Review: Phillip’s Seafood

Over the holiday weekend, fellow blogger/advicer SpaceManAndy and I decided to try out the new Philips Seafood location in the Inner Harbor area, who famously moved into the old vacant ESPN Zone space and reopened in the past few weeks. What follows are our observations on the “new” Philips. Enjoy!

Evan: So like, Philips. I was a little surprised at the decor. I mean, I didn’t expect it to be all Rusty Scupper but the inflatable clowns on the walls really threw me for a loop.



Andy: Totally creepy! I swear I saw one blink!



Not to mention the website described the ambiance just a bit inaccurately – they mention polished wood everything and comfortable booth seating, but the wood is *balsa* wood for crap’s sake and the booths are voting booths. I need to be able to move my arms a little while I’m eating!



But at least they were private and I didn’t have to see you do your “see food” joke AGAIN.

Good point. Bwahahahahah “see food” – that old chestnut still gets me every time!!!!!!!!!



Yes, hilarious… anyway… that new schedule of events; kinda strange for a seafood establishment. The Wednesday hypnotism act is hilarious, even if it is a little raunchy. Might not want to bring the kids for that – though the kids will LOVE the pony rides, but at $15 per ride, it’s a little pricey. Plus the floor gets all full of pony turds after a while, not very awesome for folks trying to enjoy a fine dining atmosphere.


Speaking of fine dining, the silverware covered with little cartoon crabs was a nice touch.



And the Men’s room had a nude painting of the Utz girl that I found to be very tastefully done!



Does the Lady’s room have a nude painting of Mr. Boh in it? I didn’t check. Either way, pretty classy stuff. I need that element of high art while eating fried shrimp from a bucket.



I didn’t check either, but I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Nothing says fine dining like nudes in the bathroom.

That and the Brandy snifters. Nice touch drinking my Diet Coke and Fireball outta one of them things.

So let’s talk about the food a minute. What did you think Andy?


I really like it when a restaurant has an option to choose your own lobster. But maybe as a seafood restaurant they should get off their high horse and not make you listen as the lobster boils and screams. Very off-putting.


I didn’t have enough money to try the lobster so I kinda stuck to the apps menu. I tried a few things and I gotta say, the cotton candy was inedible. Even if they “Baltimorized” it with Old Bay, there are some things – like air-blown sugar – that salt doesn’t mix well with. Phillips should recognize this and adjust their menu accordingly. Don’t even get me started on the apple cider donut shooters.


I don’t know, I kind of liked the shooters, but by that time I was already pretty drunk from their Boh-Mosas. For the record, Boh and OJ mix surprisingly well. But take my word for it, ask for it without the Old Bay rim. Old Bay and OJ are not friends. So I was pretty happy with the drinks, but there was no bacon anywhere on the menu!


I know right? Phillips ought to at the very least follow food trends like every other Gastrobistrotapasgourmetpizza establishment and realize that bacon = PROFIT. They don’t even have Lobster Mac n’ Cheese! Every fancy ass restaurant worth its weight in bacon needs to have Lobster Mac n’ Cheese, preferably with bacon on it, or in it.



With bacon fed lobsters!



Now you’re onto something. We’re onto something. I think it’s time to start our own lobster farm! We could probably get Phillips to bankroll us, I hear they’ve got some money!



(Phillips photo via TDR.

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