The City That Breeds » Entertainment » Dispatches from the unusually large snow storm – pt. 3

Dispatches from the unusually large snow storm – pt. 3

February 17th, 2010 | 4 Comments

If you’re for whatever reason adverse to all caps, stop reading now. But I need to get this out.

HEY I HAVE AN IDEA!!! LET’S GO JOGGING IN FOUR FEET OF SNOW!!! ZERO VISIBILITY? BRO, I JUST GOTTA JOG!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!! EVEN BETTER, ON A SIDEWALK THAT ONLY HAS 40% OF THE NORMAL SPACE FOR WALKING, SO I CAN TOTALLY BE IN THE WAY ALL THE TIME!!! SHOVELING? WHA? HELPING OUT? NAH IT’S COOL!! MY SENSE OF COMMUNITY IS SO BLUNTED I’M JUST GONNA RUN AROUND WHILE EVERYONE ELSE BREAKS THEIR BACKS MOVING GIGANTIC AMOUNTS OF SNOW!!!
WELP, I GUESS BECAUSE THERE’S SNOW ON THE GROUND IT’S JUST TOOOOOO HARD TO PICK UP MY DOG’S SHIT. FAR BE IT FROM ME TO TAKE THE DOG SHIT BACK TO THE HOUSE AND PUT IT IN A TRASHCAN, NOPE!! THAT’S GROSS!! I’M JUST GONNA LEAVE IT HERE WITH THE 56789 OTHER PILES OF DOG SHIT. HAVE A GOOD ONE!!!
WAAAAAAH THE CITY ISN’T DOING ENOUGH!!!! WAAAAAH THEY’RE NOT CLEARING THE MOST SNOW BALTIMORE HAS EVER SEEN WITHIN FIVE WORKING DAYS!!! WAAAAAAAH I CAN’T FIND PARKING WHEN I COME HOME BUT I ONLY BOTHERED TO CLEAR THE 0.05 INCHES OF SNOW AROUND MY CAR AS NEEDED TO PARK IT AND NOTHING ELSE!! MY LITTLE PARKING CORRAL IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS – SO MUCH SO THAT I’M GOING TO PUT A SAWMILL ON IT SO AS TO SAVE MY LITTLE PARKING CORRAL!! HELP YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE BY BUSTING UP THE DRIFTS ON OUR BLOCK AND MAKING IT EASY TO PARK AGAIN?? WAAAAAAAAAH NO WAY!!! I’D RATHER CRY ABOUT THE LACK OF PARKING!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

ok I feel better.

Related posts:

by

Filed under: Entertainment · Tags: ,

  • Pat

    What about dog piss? I had to walk the trail of tears-dog urine tears- from my apartment building to the parking lot for a week because my neighbor is a complete failure as a human being.

    • http://citythatbreeds.com Evan

      Yes the shoveling I did out front of my house to clear the sidewalk was pure dog piss, producing Mt. Dog Piss – complete with the treacherous Dog Shit Peak

  • http://www.baltimoremick.com/blog JJT

    If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone whine about “Why hasn’t my street been plowed,”, I would be a millionaire.

    The cacophony I heard of people on Facebook, Twitter, and otherwise whining about their unplowed streets became very tiresome very quickly.

  • Mike

    the snow around my stoop looks like a cigarette butt garden.

    I’m sure there is worse than dog piss swimming around in the snow in the city.