SpaceManAndy’s Advice for I’m a Grown-Up Damnit!

Well, boys and girls, it’s been a while since I’ve done a legit advice column, and that’s kinda my thing. So, here goes nothing. Apologies if I’m a little rusty.

Dear Andy,

I am the youngest in my office and, even though I work hard & work successfully, I feel as if I earn less respect than others because I am “theyoung girl”. It is frustrating to be treated like a child in an office of peers. Any suggestions on how to gain the respect of my coworkers and
bosses?

Sincerely,
I’m a Grown Up, Damnit!

Dear Grown-up,

I actually have a lot of experience being the youngest in the office. I’ve been working a desk job since I was 19 years old and still in college. Now, I had a few things going for me. They knew I was in college and had low expectations, it wasn’t hard for me to exceed them and earn some respect. I also look older than I actually am and always have. I mean, my hair started graying right after high school (and I don’t care what you say, salt & pepper hair is distinguished, and damn sexy. But the biggest thing I had going for me is that I was very aware of how other people in the office acted, and I modeled my behavior off of theirs. I believe you can do this too. Concentrate on your work space, your personal apperance, and your interpersonal (non-work-related) interactions.

First your workspace:

Most people choose to decorate their workspace. The way you adorn your office/cube/desk says a lot about who you are and how you wish to be treated. What do you have in your office? Do you have something like this in your cubicle?

Eliminate anything cutesy. Do you have pictures of yourself with your friends? Ask yourself if they look super young. What are you doing in said pictures? For the love of god, if you have pics at your desk with red solo cups, I’m not sure I can help you. Keep it neat and professional. Having a lot of work stuff on your desk will make you look busy, but if it’s cluttered and littered with papers, you’ll look disorganized. Your older co-workers will probably look at your desk and see their kid’s room. I’ll get back to this point later, but DO NOT EVER say or do anything that reminds your co-workers of their children.

I know a lot of offices have inreach; things like mugs, or mousepads, or stress balls. In my organization, we’re big on mugs. Here’s a mug for that training you completed! Here’s a mug for the project you worked on! Here’s a mug because it’s Wednesday! Seriously, it’s a little ridiculous. Whatever your office’s thing is, try to collect them and put them in your workspace. This should remind your co-workers how long you’ve been there. You may be young, but you’re not new to the party.

Now, about your appearance:

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you dress work-appropriate. I’m not going to do ALL the work for you. Just look around your office at people of similar age and gender and you’ll figure it out. As for the rest of you. Don’t over-apply make up. It will look like you’re trying too hard. That being said, a little make up can give your face a more mature look without you looking old. Paint your nails a conservative color. Don’t bite them! (remember, your co-workers might slap your hand out of inherent parental instinct. That’s the last thing you want.) How’s your hair? If you like your hair to be a little funky, that’s cool; but find a style that’s more conventional for when you’re at work.

How about tattoos and piercings? Your company may say that they’re ok, but we aren’t striving for ok here. We are trying to get your co-workers to see you as an adult. I don’t care how well you dress, I don’t care how good at your job you are, if you’re young and you have this:

All your co-workers will think is “I’m glad my kid isn’t like that.” So, cover up. Take out the nose ring. Flip up your septum piercing. Wear your hair over the 16 studs in your ear. Remember, you only have to be presentable for 40 hours a week. The rest of your time, you can be as crazy and out there as your independent little heart desires.

Finally, let’s talk about your interactions:

This is where the “Don’t remind them of their kids” thing comes into play the most. Take their cues for topics of conversation. Remember, you’re not pretending to be a grown-up. You ARE a grown-up with a grown-up job. You can hold your own in a grown up discussion. Just stay away from certain topics. Avoid talking excessively about new technology. This is a fine line, because you want people to acknowledge that you’re tech savvy, but you don’t want them to think you’re ALWAYS on your phone. This is a do as I say, not as I do moment. If I had a dollar for every time a co-worker has said “You’re just like my son/daughter; always looking at your phone,” I’d go buy… ok it hasn’t happened THAT often, but I’d go buy a happy meal or something. And that’s 4 times too many! Alcohol is another fine line, and it depends on your office. For me, “I can’t wait to get home, kick my feet up, and have a nice martini” makes me fit in. “Oh dear lord, I had such a hangover on Sunday.” is tough, because some co-workers will like it because they do that too, some will think it makes me sound irresponsible. So, I avoid discussions about excessive drinking at work. It’s all about context when it comes to drinking.

Adult:

Not Adult:

See the difference? Also avoid mentioning bands you liked in high school or college, it dates you. Obviously, avoid saying your age or the year you graduated.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?

-SpaceManAndy