Dear SpaceManAndy,
Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the Gods? Where’s the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Seriously. I’m not getting any younger here. Must love dogs.
Sincerely,
Maid in Maryland
Dear Maid,
It’s a shame the Disney Store doesn’t sell princes, isn’t it?
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a store where you could pick out your very own personal prince charming? A man who was perfect in every way? I am not sure it actually would be. Let’s look at some of our Disney princes, shall we? Let’s start from the beginning with Snow White’s prince. Don’t you think it’s odd that he kissed her lifeless lips with no knowledge of magic? Did he have any way of knowing that she would wake up? No. As I recall, he hadn’t even met Snow White. He just happened upon this seemingly dead chick and decided to play a rousing game of post-mortem tonsil hockey. Charming, no?
Look at Beauty and the beast, Stockholm syndrome at its finest. Little Mermaid? Ariel couldn’t speak. She didn’t even use sign language. Do you think Prince Eric fell in love with her mind, or her perky 16 year old breasts? Yes, she was 16, look it up.
My point is not that Disney Princes are scum, my point is that even our idealized men are not perfect Prince Charmings. There is no such thing as a perfect man. Give up on finding Mr. Perfect, and focus on finding Mr. Perfect-For-You. He is out there, he has flaws, but they compliment your flaws. Ideally, your strengths will balance out his flaws his will balance out yours.
You need to be more tolerant of people’s flaws. Maybe you won’t find a street-wise Hercules. But if you are patient, maybe you’ll find a muscley suburbanite who will let you be street-wise for both of you.
And honestly, if you found that perfect man, would you want him? Do you want someone who constantly looks better than you, is more charming than you, and who’s teeth do that creepy sparkle thing every time he opens his mouth? You would need sunglasses after a while.
Just put yourself out there. Try online dating or singles mixers. No, you are not too good for them (none of us are). I don’t want you to lower your standards, per se, but make sure they’re realistic. Also, eliminate the word “dealbreaker” from your vocabulary. Maybe he lives with his mother. If you write him off you may never find out that it’s because she got very sick and he needed to help her out in a selfless and, dare i say, charming move.
I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?
SpaceManAndy
If you need serious help, see a therapist. If you want a boring answer, write to Dear Abby and probably never get a response. If you want my take on things, email me at advice@citythatbreeds.com
No voice and perky breasts? sounds perfect to me.
You’re a real prince charming, Mike.
ZINK!
Currently my standards are: has a job, no face tattoos, not an active criminal, and not an asshole. But you’re right, I should be more open minded!
Some facial tattoos are very tasteful.
I have a tattoo of Brad Pitt’s face over mine