5 things to do other than watch the Superbowl this year

Let’s face it gang, as a card-carrying Baltimorean you’re essentially obligated to not lay eyes on your television screen between the hours of 6:30 and 10-11pm on FOX this Sunday, as the Pittsburgh Steelers and their terrible-er towels take on the ….Green Bay ….Packers and their giant cheese hats. Talking Baby and hilarious Bud Light commercials aside – 95% of which will simultaneously available on Youtube – most of you don’t need or want to see the Steelers probably win the Superbowl this year, so I present to ye 5 alternate activities for this coming Sunday for your consideration. Enjoy!

	1. BRUNCH SABOTAGE A fairly basic strategy: head to your favorite brunch establishment – preferably something with an all you can drink Mimosa/Bloody Mary plan – and enjoy a delicious meal while fancifully slugging down breakfast booze until around 3pm. By that time, you’ll be sufficiently hammered as to have no alternative but to go home, pass out, and completely miss the Superbowl. You win.
	2. HANG OUT IN CROFTON Aaaaah Crofton. Nestled in the heart of some county in Maryland, not a whole lot goes on in Crofton. It’s a very Zen place, the embodiment of emptiness – the perfect place to sit, stare at some trees, and not watch the Superbowl. Then again it would be dark around 630pm, so maybe enjoy apps at the  Crofton Area Applebee’s?  Oh wait, they probably would air the Superbowl on the TV’s at Applebee’s, so just hang out in the parking lot of the Crofton Area Applebee’s.
	3. GET ARRESTED Out of all of these alternatives, this is probably the easiest: simply walk outside of your house in the city and start peeing on the sidewalk, or walk outside of a bar to investigate an incident, and chances are pretty high you’ll be arrested in no time and hangin’ out at Central, not watching the Superbowl in the comfort of a holding cell! You might even miss a day of work with this plan! Win win!
	4. GET SICK This alternate may take some dedication, but a few days prior to the Superbowl – say, Thursday evening – walk around your house or at work and lick a few doorknobs. Chances are fairly high you’ll contract at least one form of rhinovirus and get a cold or something, and will most likely be bed ridden all weekend and doped up on NyQuil. No Superbowl for you!
	5. CAPTAIN LARRY’S 4TH ANNUAL CHILI COOKOFF Captain Larry’s (601 East Fort Avenue, Riverside) actually holds their annual chili cookoff every Superbowl Sunday (for some reason), and what better way to not watch the Superbowl and benefit BARCS at the same time than by donating $5 and eating a shitload of chili (hehehehehe bathroom metajoke), with a chance to judge them all? I could only think of four others that are almost as good, but if you can think of anything else, feel free to suggest it!