We’ve all been there before. You’re sitting on a plane, bored out your skull because you forgot to bring a book or a gameboy, and some asshole has filled out the crossword AND the sudoku IN PEN in the back of the stupid inflight magazine. Desperate for entertainment, you reach out with a wincing pained look on your face and pick up the last ditch, bottom of the barrel form of airplane entertainment: Sky Mall. All the lazer guided forks you could ever want to pay entirely too much for, right at your fingertips.
Truly there is a place in this world for even the most useless products, and Sky Mall is most certainly the place to find them. Here are my favorites.
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TELEKINETIC OBSTACLE COURSEHave you ever felt like moving a ball with a fan through a hoop – WITH YOUR BRAIN?? Then this ridiculous looking piece of crap is for you!! Only $99.95!! Order Now!! |
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LASER GUIDED POOL CUEAre you so shitty at pool that you need to cheat and use a laser to line up your shot? Do you feel the need to put batteries in your pool cue? Then this ridiculous looking piece of crap is for you!! Only $129.95!! Order Now!! |
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ELECTRONIC FENG SHUI COMPASSAre you a total moron? Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $199.99!! Order Now!! |
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SUNLIGHT 365Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) and need a thing to sit on your desk that shines a bright light in your face? Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $59.99!! Order Now!! |
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SOLAFEET FOOT TANNERDo you want or need to tan your FUCKING FEET at home or in the office?!?!?! Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $229.99!! Order Now!! |
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HEAD SPA MASSAGERBWAHAHAHAHAHAahahahahhahahaha wtf order now only $49.95. |
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LIGHT THERAPY SYSTEMSTICK YOUR FACE IN THIS THING IT HEALS STUFF ORDER NOW $399.95 |
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PERSONAL INFRARED SAUNA………..sweet jesus what the CHRIST. order now only $499.00 |
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UNDERWATER CELL PHONE SYSTEMWHY. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVER CONCEIVABLY NEED TO MAKE A GODDAMN CELL PHONE CALL WHILE SCUBA DIVING. JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. GOOD GOD. ORDER NOW ONLY …..$1790!?!?!?!?!? GGAAAAAAAAH!!! |
ORDER NOW!!!
sky mall’s target audience = spies.
Spies and bald guys apparently – lots of laser combs
You know, I vaguely recall seeing that sauna in a James Bond movie. Bond traps some bad dude in it and turns the heat all the way up. I have to say, anyone who owns a personal sauna deserves to roast in it.
Also, it should be noted — this is one of the funniest posts on City That Breeds.
Evan, I tried to make it to ryan97ou’s party the other day but my Feng Shui Compass steered me to LuX instead.
well then it must be working coz Lux is the most Feng Shuiiiest place in town!