SpaceManAndy’s Advice for Self-Conscious in SoHo

Dear SpaceManAndy,

I am a woman from good eastern european stock. Dark hair, dark eyes, the whole nine yards. And I’ve never thought of myself as particularly hairy, just dark haired. It’s all pretty soft and lovely.

Anyway, here’s the thing – when I was in middle school a couple a**hole friends of mine (guys of course) used to tease me – about a lot of things (my lips were too small for my face, my forehead didn’t wrinkle, I had pointy eyebrows, etc.) – including my arm hair. They tried calling me Gorilla for a day or two, but that got dropped pretty quickly and, surprisingly, I didn’t let it bother me.

Well, now as a late 20-something, this has suddenly come up again. My mother had come for a visit and on the train back to my apartment around 2am, she suddenly looked at my arm and decided there was something wrong with me because my arm hair was so dark. She immediately decided I had too much testosterone and this was an issue. I promptly ignored her, figuring this was simply an unfortunate result of the combination of my un-tanned, translucent skin, the horrible subway lighting and the late hour. (I do generally go tanning, and hadn’t been in a while. My hair does tend to lighten very quickly and easily.)

Then, the other night, I was indulging in a little drunken post-coital pillow talk, and it turns out the guy in my bed shaves his arms. I mention, off hand, that I find this ridiculous, and I actually kind of like my arm hair. It’s soft and sort of delicate looking and whatever. Keep in mind, it was dark at this point, so it’s not like he could see anything, but he immediately declares that (even though he hadn’t noticed it before) my arm hair freaks him out.

Now here’s the thing – I don’t have particularly thick hair on my arms. I’m no italian stallion. and there have definitely been times when friends and I notice particularly thick or dark body hair and comment on it. My arm hair is something no one notices unless it’s my crazy mother or I happen to mention it first.

Here’s my question – should I be self-conscious about this? Is shaving/waxing my arms really something I should consider doing? I find that super weird – but maybe I’m just crazy?

I’ve included a picture for reference.

Help me!

Self-Conscious in SoHo



Dear Self-Conscious,

Even looking for it, I don’t see any arm hair. Maybe some whisps, but really nothing. But your actual question was whether you should be self-conscious about this and whether or not you should be waxing or shaving.

We all have things we are self-conscious about. Who is to say whether we should be or should not be. Unless you’re wearing Crocs or saying things like “YOLO” or “CRAY-CRAY,” I really wouldn’t RECOMMEND being self conscious about anything. Especially if no one even notices. In general I find that people are too busy worrying about the things that they are self-conscious about to even notice the things that you’re insecure about.

I am going gray, but it’s really not the first thing people notice about me until I point it out.










That’s not a camera flash. That’s just how gray it is close up. Once I point it out, most people have the same reaction. “Holy crap! That is a lot of gray!” followed immediately with “Oh, but it’s distinguished!” Apparently my friends are less dickish than your mother and fuck buddy.

My point, and my advice is that you should stop pointing it out! Either that, or just accept it, which it seems from your question that you already have. Seriously, if you’re fine with the way you are, then why be proactive in being self conscious?

Besides, I assume you already shave your legs and underarms, maybe even your bathing suit area. Do you really want to spend more time shaving? Furthermore, you know what’s not sexy? Caressing a woman’s arm only to get pricked by her stubble. EVEN FURTHERMORE, Really? You’re sleeping with a guy who shaves his arms, he doesn’t really get a say in gender norms for body hair.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?


What do you think, gentle readers? Should Self-Conscious be well, self conscious? Fellas, is that too much arm hair for you? Ladies, do you shave your arms?

5 thoughts on “SpaceManAndy’s Advice for Self-Conscious in SoHo

  1. If that guy can’t deal with a little wispy dark arm hair I’d hate to see how he would react to an unshaved pubis. Man the hell up, dude.

  2. Seriously, fuck that guy. And by that I mean don’t you ever again. And there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ever shave my arms. I am not sure why a guy would unless he’s a swimmer? Because dukiebiddle is totally right. I don’t even like brazillian waxes. To each their own but I’m not interested in looking like a barbie doll.

  3. My advice is that she never sleep with a guy who makes her feel bad about her body. Because fuck that guy.

    Also, you shouldn’t have to ask if you should be self conscious about something. If you’re not, then you’re not. Don’t let other people’s opinions start making you second guess your feelings. I personally don’t like having hair on my legs. Do I care if other women have hair on their legs? No. And that’s how everyone should be. But we live in a shitty world where people try to impose their beliefs and ideals on everyone else. They deem you or something about you “weird” or “unattractive” because they don’t personally like it or feel comfortable about it. But in the end, you have to remember that what /they/ feel doesn’t matter. If you’re comfortable with it, let them know you are. Tell them that you like your arm hair, and you don’t care if they don’t. You shouldn’t have to answer to them or apologize for not believing in the same bullshit beauty ideals that they do.

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