Donating blood; yet another competitive event

As we are all well aware, donating blood is a noble and respectful pursuit, one worthy of a pat on the back and the free cookies or T-shirt that one receives after having sat around for thirty minutes or so, at least a third of which is spent oozing blood out your arm into a plastic bag. And that’s pretty much where it ends.

At least, it should be, but that just ain’t enough for many people. While sitting around donating today, I heard some of the weirdest banter coming out of the mouths of boys aged 18-22 trying to one up each other on how Alpha they are at donating blood. Comparing the quality of their veins, bragging about how quickly they can donate their pint of blood (7 minutes is my average) or who had the “more rare” blood type, talking about how cool it was when they volunteered to double donate. That sort of thing. I should also note that the age mentioned was only a result of me being located on a college campus, this behavior is common among all men who donate blood.

At any rate I sat there listening to them with a slight smirk on my face, resolute in the knowledge that I could just completely PWN the shit out of them by whipping out my shiny, red donor card and showing them just how many MORE units of blood I have donated than them, because the fucking number is PRINTED on it, in BIG WHITE LETTERS. Oh, and also, you can register your donor profile on the ARC’s website, givelife.org, and totally track your stats (no I am not making this up) and upcoming donation appointments. It’s like an MMO, but with blood. Alright well maybe not. But it’s still totally sweet if you’re totally Alpha like me and can give blood like a MAN.