Baltimore News Threefer

(from Monday)
Prosecutors try to make their jobs easier; slightly craftier murderers continue to murder

Upon first glance, this plan ‘serves to increase the rate of convictions’ but if they outright refuse to prosecute a murder simply because they’re too fucking incompetent to protect a single witness or get them to testify, then we truly should all just buy shotguns and walk around in body armor at all times. I would have no problem with the entire city entering a state of Mutually Assured Destruction. Everyone in body armor, armor-plated cars (sorry, Hummers), laser guided Pit Bulls and surveillance cameras documenting the whole thing. Then, we sell the feed to Fox, turn it into a cable pay-per-view channel, and use the forthcoming windfall to build 10 foot walls around Federal Hill, Canton, Roland Park, Hampden, Otterbein, Harbor East, Fells Point, connect them all with tunnels, and laugh LAUGH as we sip brandy out of oversized snifters.

or, you know, the fucking prosecutors could do their jobs.

(from Today)
Dixon scraps plan to make the city a more attractive place to live

This one is actually a followup to a draft I never published, detailing how the city is facing a 50+ million dollar deficit this year. Flying in the face of this, Sheila Dixon did something I approved of – continued a reduction in city property taxes (2 cents per year for 5 years) that Smilin’ Martin implemented in 2005. “Hmm.” I thought. “Is the mayor actually beginning to understand how to rebuild a city from years of financial torment AND reduce the crime rate?” Well, as it turns out, maybe not. Budget cuts dictate otherwise.

And HOLY MOSES those property taxes are realllllllllly high. 2.07X that of those in Baltimore County. Yeah that totally sweet barely 1000 sq. ft. rowhome you just bought for $298K is gonna run you roughly an astronomical $6758.64 per year in taxes ($3278.00 in the county) on top of your mortgage. Renting is looking like a pretty damn good option. A house right up the street from my current residence sold for $312K and the taxes are estimated at $6690 annually, thanks to this handy calculator.

(from yesterday)
Baltimore might have more trees before we retire

Here’s an interesting city program to “double Baltimore’s tree canopy from 20 percent to 40 percent within 30 years.” Hopefully we’ll all live to see it happen. Oddly enough, yesterday I commented on this program after ‘b’ printed an article (very) loosely related to it, and at that time the time span of the project was 40 years. At least, I would swear up and down that it was when I read it. Now it’s 30.

I suppose my point here is that the plan’s timeline is totally arbitrary; most people won’t be alive, in office, or give two shits about a program like this three months from now, much less 30 years from now when the city is underwater, or on fire, or both. My only advice to the city government people in charge of this, um, ambitious project is this: If you’re going to engage in a plan normally reserved for self-congratulating white people, go big – set a deadline of less than 10 years. Everyone will get really excited about it, pat you on the back, and it’ll probably contribute to getting you elected to some nice position or hired at some swanky job. The best part is, you never have to live up to the plan’s goals! Because as I said before by the time you end up reaping the rewards of coming up with a really great plan, you’ll be out of office or into a new job, someone else will be in charge, and they can take the blame when it fails! Perfection!