For members of the blog set, spam comments are a fact of life. Annoying, link-filled facts of life that fortunately get filtered 99.9% of the time to their appropriate home, the spam box. The thing about spam, though, it has gotten considerably bizarre in recent history. Aside from the usual links to some sort of Viagkra WEBISTE 4 CHEAP, a few have caught my attention due to their context; the post, the “author” and the comment itself can sometimes be unintentionally hilarious. Here are some of my favorites.
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It’s not often that I bother to make reference to the fact that professionally speaking, I am a bonafide grade A nerd-ass scientist who works with and studies animals. But this particular article recently published in PLoS ONE is just…. WAY too good to pass up saying something about.

The article, entitled “Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time” describes in great detail the process by which Chinese Fruit Bats engage in fellatio during copulation, including statistical analysis and postulates as to the biological purpose of said fellatio. Hell, even the opening line from the abstract is a total gas:

Oral sex is widely used in human foreplay, but rarely documented in other animals.

But all this text is totally boring. Fortunately, THEY MADE A VIDEO OF FRUIT BATS HAVING ORAL SEX. AND INCLUDED PORN MUSIC ON THE VIDEO. Might I remind you, dear readers, that PLoS ONE is a legitimate scientific publication. A legitimate scientific publication that now has a fruit bat porn video on it. Which I am now hosting a copy of. Enjoy!

Anonymous sources are paydirt. This list of work weirdos makes me consider leaving the workforce altogether and digging a deep, deep hole somewhere out in West Virginia and never speaking to anyone ever again:

Let’s see, where to begin?

The guy who wears a captain’s hat like the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island?
The woman with the fanny pack that always looks terrified?
The cleaning guy that drools and told me that the CIA trained him to kill?
The security guards that pull women over to ask them out?
How about whoever it was that smeared human feces in one of the buildings?
Or the guy that got caught jerking off in the coffee pot?

Where to start… we certainly have some characters.

Jesus, where the hell does this person work, Sheppard Pratt?

Work weirdos. We all have them. And let me just tell you, my place of employment is full of weirdos. One such weirdo I have dubbed Toothbrush Guy.

I typically run into Toothbrush Guy when I’m in the bathroom – where he brushes his teeth, several times a day. Like, four or more. This guy brushes his teeth enough times a day that he actually smells like toothpaste. See this picture over here? It’s his toothbrush. He will typically leave it on the sink, complete with toothpaste, and leave the bathroom to let it ….ripen? until he comes back later to brush his teeth (again). I have no idea. All I know is: it’s weird and he’s weird.

Oh, Work Weirdos. When will you learn? (if you have any work weirdos you’d like to report, email me and I will post them – anonymously of course)

After previously posting a few things about Muppets and Sesame Street, it came to my attention that Sesame Street has in fact been performing …interesting parodies of various television shows and Hollywood movies. One such parody is Law and Order: Special Letters Unit. It’s actually a very clever parody, …except Special Victims unit is about RAPE, and this is about a missing letter M. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

Other parodies include:
RSI: Rhyme Scene Investigation
30 Rocks
Feist. Alright it’s not a TV show but Fesit parodies her own stupid fucking Ipod song and GOD I AM SO SICK OF THIS SONG IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM GAAAAAAAAAH