It’s not often that I bother to make reference to the fact that professionally speaking, I am a bonafide grade A nerd-ass scientist who works with and studies animals. But this particular article recently published in PLoS ONE is just…. WAY too good to pass up saying something about.

The article, entitled “Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time” describes in great detail the process by which Chinese Fruit Bats engage in fellatio during copulation, including statistical analysis and postulates as to the biological purpose of said fellatio. Hell, even the opening line from the abstract is a total gas:

Oral sex is widely used in human foreplay, but rarely documented in other animals.

But all this text is totally boring. Fortunately, THEY MADE A VIDEO OF FRUIT BATS HAVING ORAL SEX. AND INCLUDED PORN MUSIC ON THE VIDEO. Might I remind you, dear readers, that PLoS ONE is a legitimate scientific publication. A legitimate scientific publication that now has a fruit bat porn video on it. Which I am now hosting a copy of. Enjoy!

Researchers at the NIH recently concluded a three year, $104 million study examining the survival qualities of individuals broken up into two cohorts: those that wear Under Armor brand athletic apparel while engaging in physical activities, versus those that do not. On Sunday in an article published in Nature, the findings concluded that it is, in fact, possible to engage in physical activities without adorning Under Armor brand sports apparel.

Commenting on these startling conclusions, researcher Paul Weintraub noted, “Despite the fact that human beings as a species had somehow managed to lift weights or jog outside without the benefits conferred by Under Armor brand sports apparel, their perceived levels of dedication and intensity were severely diminished prior to the advent of Under Armor and its superior breathability. As it turns out, the entire world was wrong.”

Scientists organized the study in a double-blind fashion by providing test subjects with a) Under Armor brand sports apparel, and b) sports apparel made to look like Under Armor, but was in fact not Under Armor. The test subjects were then instructed to exercise as normal, under the close observation of trained data collectors. Much to the observers’ shock, none of the subjects in the placebo group dropped dead or had increased difficulty performing their activities. One observer, who prefers anonymity, stated “We all thought this was some kind of joke. We knew at least half of us had to be observing placebo subjects, but honestly thought at first that all of our subjects were wearing Under Armor brand sports apparel due to their levels of performance.”

Nevertheless, after months of exhaustive data collection and six grant extensions the evidence is incontrovertible; working out without wearing Under Armor brand sports apparel will not decrease the effectiveness of the exercise activity nor contribute to an early death.

However it should be noted that these results are not without controversy. Many claim that the placebo sports apparel was so similar in design to Under Armor brand sports apparel that it in fact mimicked what many refer to as “The Under Armor Effect,” and are calling for a renewed study in which test subjects are blindfolded while they exercise and provided sports apparel that appears entirely different in design than Under Armor brand sports apparel. Dubbed a “triple blind study,” the estimated cost to tax payers would exceed six billion dollars. Considering the implications to the exercising public, the issue will be a live wire for future debate.

I struggle, as a scientist, to find something to post that’s simple and science-related so people will ‘get it’ and yet still be cool enough to warrant a blogopost. I guess I’ll keep it easy for now with one of the coolest math-infinities around, the Mandelbrot Set. When I was in high school and a 486 was top of the line, rendering a MS at 6X zoom was a feat of amazement. Well computers are faster now, and they can render them basically into infinity. The end result is an ‘image’ after a few minutes that is theoretically larger than the universe. So check out these acid-trippy videos from Youtube that demonstrate such insanity. The first one is short and gives a better idea of what the set looks like from the start – the second zooms incredibly quickly and at one end of the set, so you miss some of the interesting portions.