Tag: inner harbor
Analysts Predict: This year’s harbor odor may be slightly less offensive
by Evan on Jan.14, 2010, under Baltimore
| The year 2009 was a banner year for harbor stench. As algae blooms, fish kills and raw sewage sprinkled the collective populaces’ noses with a bouquet of fetid and otherwise lovely aromas during the height of spring and summer, sadly these times passed on and the colder months reduced the city of Baltimore’s finest quality to a bare minimum. The harbor aerators aren’t running at full capacity, the clouds of brown not hardly as noticeable during a cold, cloudy day. |
Unfortunately, due to some infrastructure improvements made by the city over the past year, the levels of raw sewage pouring into the inner harbor may be reduced by some degree. This lack of precious nutrients may cause a sharp decline in the algae population, which may in turn allow proper oxygenation of the water, starkly reducing the fish kill instances and robbing us of our precious stink. On the other hand, it is entirely possibly that there simply aren’t any more fish left to kill, in which case we may never enjoy the nostalgic aromas of a fine Baltimore June evening in quite some time.
Some experts are nervous for the upcoming season of reek. “My staff and I haven’t seen a single living thing in the Inner Harbor in over nine months,” states Deborah Kicklebaum of the Baltimore Dept. of Inner Harbor Wildlife, “we don’t actually know if there are populations of fish to kill at this point, and unless we restock the harbor with a healthy population soon for algae blooms to suffocate, we may not be able to enjoy another season of horrific stench come late spring.”
David E. Scott, director of the Department of Public Works, is more optimistic. “We here at DPW can assure the citizens of Baltimore that the levels of raw sewage infiltrating the harbor may be slightly lower this year, but they are more than sufficient to produce the high quality algae blooms that lower the life sustaining qualities of our Inner Harbor, and will certainly result in massive amounts of rotting fish carcasses for many years to come. You’ll still be able to be choked out of your seat at Camden Yards due to the green clouds of death.”
Currently the City Council is assembling a workshop to address the issue, with the intent of coming up with contingency plans in the event that the quality of water improves to the point that The Stenchening no longer occurs. Preliminary ideas involve dredging sediment from the bottom of the harbor and placing it in strategically placed dumpsters around the area, with high powered fans spreading the fumes.
Mealtime! #13
by Evan on Oct.02, 2009, under Mealtime
Continuing the “I’m a big dumb tourist who likes to follow Anthony BOREdain’s travels” Mealtime! series…
Regardless, I can also pretty safely say that both of the items featured here were really, really good. The cold seafood platter had a huge helping of jumbo lump, shrimp, oysters and clams. For the record, raw clams are GROSS DON’T EVER EAT THEM BARF – but the rest was pretty fresh and very tasty. The calamari was lightly fried and didn’t get grease all over everything, and the portion was pretty huge. Split between two people, this Mealtime! was tasty and priced on par with most seafood joints around the area (expensive).
We didn’t try the blue drank, but the dranks we did have were stiff and pretty cheap. It’s a rowdy crowdy at the bar in there around happy hour, that’s for sure. Maybe it’s due to what the commercial for a completely different store says: you just gotta go to Mo’s!
(If you’d like to submit your own mealtime entry, follow the simple guidelines and email me!)
BREAKING NEWS – Gang of Pogo Sticking youths terrorize inner harbor
by Evan on May.13, 2009, under Baltimore
Commuters are reporting this morning that a group of children, aged 8-16, are armed with pogo sticks and are rampantly pogoing throughout the Harborplace thoroughfare, smiling widely. One commuter who wishes to remain anonymous stated, “Yeah them kids is lookin all wild eyed and smilin, they gotta be on somethin!!”
No word yet on whether Social Services, the Police or the National Guard have been notified. MORE AS THIS CRISIS DEVELOPS!


