The City That Breeds » Entries tagged with "humor"
[name TBD] Curran to run for 3rd Council, victory expected
City Hall, Baltimore – A happy announcement today as 61 year old 3rd District Councilman Bobby Curran announced that he is expecting a baby boy in August of this year. In anticipation of this event, Curran has announced his child’s candidacy for the 3rd Council district in 2031, which is when Curran anticipates retiring. “My kid’s gonna have a good legacy to run on.” Curran beamed, citing his family’s established political record in the city. “When … Read entire article »
Filed under: Politics
Mayor issues statements on recent homelessness, urban farming dramatics
Efforts to raise awareness of homelessness and implement urban farming tax breaks would cause a severe lack of poor people to express contempt towards, a spokesperson for Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake said. During a weekly press conference, spokesperson Ryan O’Dougherty defended the Mayor’s decision to send National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week participants away from War Memorial Plaza this past November, citing the homeless population as a mental health issue. “Homeless people are society’s Zoloft,” O’Dougherty said. “When … Read entire article »
Filed under: Politics
Meteorologists predict: Baltimore average temperature down this summer
DATELINE: JUNE 1ST, BALTIMORE MD – At the North American Meteorological Lobbyists Association (NAMBLA) meeting this past Wednesday, held annually at the Baltimore Convention Center, keynote speaker Norm Lewis delivered the heart-warming news: Baltimore’s average temperature this summer will actually be lower than previous summers, down from 12,000,000,000 degrees Fahrenheit to a pleasant and chilly 10,000,000,000. The news couldn’t come at a better time, with Baltimore City public pools scheduled to open in the next … Read entire article »
Filed under: Baltimore
Opening Day Exclusive: unPeterAngelos institutes new Camden Yards policies
unPeterAngelos graced our presence with an exclusive interview last Opening Day, this year he’s decided to unveil his new policies for Camden Yards in yet another scorching exclusive only seen here at The City That Breeds. FROM THE DESK OF UNPETERANGELOS Welcome back, Orioles fanatics. It’s my pleasure to introduce you to another season of professional-like baseball in Baltimore. In addition to a slight adjustment in ticket prices, you may have noticed some other … Read entire article »
Filed under: Entertainment
Time to play: name the bar/restaurant!
Here’s a fun game, I’m going to post a review (in this case, a really bad review) of a Baltimore area bar/restaurant/horse stable (you never know) – first person to guess the correct answer will win… something. AND AWAY WE GO! The slovenly server took our order, slipped out the front door, jumped into the passenger seat of a car that just pulled up, and scored. That explains the foggy slow motion and general disappearance of our host. A forgotten appetizer and the soup requested to be served immediately that was served with the meal now make sense. The staff congregated at the poorly lit bar, chatting at the expense of diners. The bar area is far too small for a sports bar. [PLACE] is more like a … Read entire article »
Filed under: Contests, Schadenfreude






















