In what simply must be the greatest news ever to hit my cerebral cortex in no less than twelve lifetimes, disgraced former mayor Sheila Dixon’s Xbox 360 – purchased using absconded gift cards for the poor – is now available for bid on eBay, according to The Baltimore Sun (“Dixon’s Xbox up for sale on eBay” 2010/03/08). This Xbox was submitted as evidence at the trial of former Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon. This item has been surrendered to the Maryland State Prosecutors Office pursuant to the plea agreement. All proceeds from this sale will go to Youthworks of Baltimore. This item was originally taken from the residence of the former mayor in June 2008.

Robert A. Rohrbaugh, you rule. With providence, this monument to governmental corruption and family entertainment will sit proudly on my mantle, forever preserved in a vacuum-sealed, laser grid protected vault. And by that I mean a sign that says “DIXON’S XBOX NO TOUCH!”

A++++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN!!

25 minutes later update: way way outbid

Since 2004, Baltimore has been forced to acknowledge the fact that it for some reason commissioned a guy to build received the gift of a 51-foot tall metal statue with a glowing heart in front of Penn Station from a private organization, enjoying a level of eyesore that causes even the blindest infant to wince. The metal menace known as male/female continues to offend the eyes/hearts/minds of Baltimore – nay, Earth, and it is time to begin suggesting some alternative uses for the gobstrocity so we can finally get our $750,000 worth. I humbly submit these ideas for public consumption. (click for big)

	While male/female may be somewhat useless as a piece of art, it does emit light and is very tall. For these reasons it could potentially be a fairly decent lighthouse, guiding our beloved clipper ships home to safety.
	Through me you pass into the city of woe, Through me you pass into eternal pain, Through me among the people lost for aye. Before me things create were none, save things, Eternal, and eternal I endure. All hope abandon ye who enter here.
	Sheila Dixon may no longer be mayor, but lordy knows she still needs protection! And since the tide of public opinion may prevent posting live officers outside of her home all the time for very long, perhaps male/female could be adjusted to be motion sensitive, its heart illuminating when dangerous intruders come prowling! Worry not, disgraced mayor! You will be safe!
	Paw that has got to be the best scarecrow we done ever bought!! Let’s go wrestle some pigs!!
	“Houston, we have a problem.” “One small step for a man, one giant ugly stupid metal statue” “Insert other moon joke here” Whatever, let’s just send the damn thing to the moon.

Judge Sweeney is the man. He finally had the chance to voice his opinion today regarding Sheila Dixon and her trainwreck of a trial at her sentencing, sending her on her way to her remaining days of shame and relative obscurity (…and an $83k pension). His statement is a deliberate, nut kicking wakeup call to the entrenched politico of Baltimore and it expresses the opinion that literally everyone I know personally has had for ….ever.  I get the sensation that throughout the trial his blood pressure was probably triple that of a charging rhino, steam slowly oozing from his ears as he was forced to remain mute while the dog/pony/wizard show went on and on, his face ever reddening until today when he was finally allowed to pull the release valve and verbally punch her in the throat repeatedly with a lead boxing glove. Cold comfort, true, given the lightweight sentencing Ms. Dixon was given, but read his statement and it might make you feel just a little better. This particular gem rings especially loudly to me:

I hope that the new and welcomed dedication to higher ethical standards is genuine and will have a shelf life that last beyond the next election. If not, then the city will be doomed to repeat the cycle of petty and tawdry corruption and special entitlement that ends badly not only for the people directly involved but more importantly for the citizens of Baltimore that depend on fair and honest governance by its officials.

Amen brotha.

The Sun’s Andy Green also had some choice words on the matter that are definitely worth a read, so go read them.

The entire virtual and physical city of Baltimore has been positively riveted and glued to any and all media sources for the past two weeks during Mayor Sheila Dixon’s trial. Despite the fact that her hired wizard managed to stave off several convictions of theft in the first of two trials against her, a single count of embezzlement has stuck and our fair(ly gorgeous) mayor is now a convicted petty criminal.

Fortunately, the internet is a goldmine of all things comedy regarding the matter and the Twitterverse has provided 48k paydirt. Here are some of the funniest tweets I’ve seen thus far (more will be added as the day goes by!) regarding the infamous #dixontrial.

DEC. 3 CHICKEN LIGHTING @ OTTOBAR NOT AFFILIATED WITH SHEILA DIXON, BUT SHE IS INVITED TO PRESIDE OVER LIGHTING THE CHICKEN.

Don’t blame me. I voted for keiffer Mitchell.

KEEP BALTIMORE STOOPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

she didnt fly to bermuda & try & get her groove back w/ a jamaican lover for a week & not leave someone in charge.

Does Big Boyz Bail Bonds offer gift cards? Perhaps that’s one Mayor Dixon would appreciate…

Baltimore, The City that Reads….. except when the envelope says “For Charity”

Keep expecting to hear “I am not a crook,” from Mayor D(n)ixon.

Carcetti for Mayor.

Embezzlement my ass. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all “children of Baltimore.” Speaking metaphorically.

Love it. And you know, I’d bother saying something pithy about this whole situation but instead I summarize my thoughts and feelings on the whole matter as it was so eloquently put by former city council member Keiffer Mitchell:

I believe the jury’s decision today underscores the public’s desire for broad based reform and transparency in our city government.

Or as I would put it less eloquently, “We gotta pull some weeds before the flowers can bloom.” Don’t be sad, Baltimoreans – even if this conviction ends with a slap on the wrist (and we all know it will), at least the public’s eyes are a litter harder fixed on the ethics-skirting propensity of our elected officials…. for now.

Ultimate praise for the Baltimore area media outlets for covering this whole process from beginning to end in a respectable manner. See yall at the next trial!!