Crime $ The City That Breeds

The City That Breeds » Entries tagged with "crime"

BREAKING NEWS – Gang of Pogo Sticking youths terrorize inner harbor

May 13th, 2009 | 2 Comments

Commuters are reporting this morning that a group of children, aged 8-16, are armed with pogo sticks and are rampantly pogoing throughout the Harborplace thoroughfare, smiling widely. One commuter who wishes to remain anonymous stated, “Yeah them kids is lookin all wild eyed and smilin, they gotta be on somethin!!” No word yet on whether Social Services, the Police or the National Guard have been notified. MORE AS THIS CRISIS DEVELOPS! … Read entire article »

Filed under: Events

What the HELL Southeastern?!?

April 2nd, 2009 | 3 Comments

It seems like it’s almost an annual tradition, some area of the city or other just seems to attract or flaunt danger and violence more than most others. Last year (or rather, 2007), it was Barclay. This year, it’s a big fat chunk of the Southeastern District. It is exceedingly dangerous this year, sporting six murders, two police shootings, and at least four nonfatal shootings (that I could dig up) in so much as three months. (By comparison, Barclay held nine murders over the course of a whole year, but is a much smaller area.) View Southeastern District Shootings and Murders in a larger map So while yes, this kind of crime and danger may be “rare” on a daily basis, I would strongly strongly recommend staying away from the McElderry Park, Elwood … Read entire article »

Filed under: WTF

SHAMWOW VINCE NOOOOOOOOO!

March 28th, 2009 | 7 Comments

YOU BROKE MY HEART VINCE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! (he got arrested for beating up a hooker) (I still love him though) … Read entire article »

Filed under: Links, WTF

Spontaneous Deadification: The New Threat to Baltimore?

October 15th, 2008 | 3 Comments

2008 has been a year of great progress for the city of Baltimore with regard to its murder rate; with fewer than 200 murders and less than three months to go until the year’s end, the city has not seen such numbers since before the infestation of crack cocaine in the early 1980s. But in an alarming trend, a new public health concern has arisen – Spontaneous Deadification. The disease is on a sharp rise, up nearly 600% with over 150 cases noted thus far in 2008. The symptoms of spontaneous deadification, a chronic condition that has no known cure, are easily spotted: large, open sores shaped like holes or slits on the head and/or chest, often featuring a solid metallic discharge or similar, larger sore on the other side of … Read entire article »

Filed under: Politics

Baltimore News Threefer

April 23rd, 2008 | 6 Comments

(from Monday) Prosecutors try to make their jobs easier; slightly craftier murderers continue to murder Upon first glance, this plan ‘serves to increase the rate of convictions’ but if they outright refuse to prosecute a murder simply because they’re too fucking incompetent to protect a single witness or get them to testify, then we truly should all just buy shotguns and walk around in body armor at all times. I would have no problem with the entire city entering a state of Mutually Assured Destruction. Everyone in body armor, armor-plated cars (sorry, Hummers), laser guided Pit Bulls and surveillance cameras documenting the whole thing. Then, we sell the feed to Fox, turn it into a cable pay-per-view channel, and use the forthcoming windfall to build 10 foot walls around Federal Hill, Canton, … Read entire article »

Filed under: Baltimore