I normally don’t copy/paste PR like this but LOOK AT THIS DOLPHIN IT IS SMALL AND GAAAAAAAAH (PR after the jump)

Why should you bother saving such a date six months in advance? Because that is the expected date of birth of lil’ Megatron, niece/nephew of one Mike Affinito. On February 27th, Mike started the Facebook page “MY SISTER SAID IF I GET ONE MILLION FANS SHE WILL NAME HER BABY MEGATRON,” and within less than 12 days he has well over 1.1 million fans. Oh internet, you never cease to rule.

And so it is with baited breath that we await Lil’ Megatron, which hopefully will end up female.

Lil' Megatron

In what simply must be the greatest news ever to hit my cerebral cortex in no less than twelve lifetimes, disgraced former mayor Sheila Dixon’s Xbox 360 – purchased using absconded gift cards for the poor – is now available for bid on eBay, according to The Baltimore Sun (“Dixon’s Xbox up for sale on eBay” 2010/03/08). This Xbox was submitted as evidence at the trial of former Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon. This item has been surrendered to the Maryland State Prosecutors Office pursuant to the plea agreement. All proceeds from this sale will go to Youthworks of Baltimore. This item was originally taken from the residence of the former mayor in June 2008.

Robert A. Rohrbaugh, you rule. With providence, this monument to governmental corruption and family entertainment will sit proudly on my mantle, forever preserved in a vacuum-sealed, laser grid protected vault. And by that I mean a sign that says “DIXON’S XBOX NO TOUCH!”

A++++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN!!

25 minutes later update: way way outbid

In our last episode, we covered five possible alternative uses for the male/female statue in front of Penn Station that currently offends the eyes of all things living. And since the statue has officially been repurposed, now we begin the process of searching for a replacement. (click for big)

	As was suggested previously by Baltimore Chop, the highly sought after statue of Frank Zappa which is supposed to be put up… somewhere in this city is an option. Oddly enough this looks 40 billion times more “Baltimore” than pretty much anything else. But I think we need a bit more …zazz.
	…so how about this totally bitchin’ axe? A 50 foot flying V would be a constant reminder to everyone as to how hard Baltimore shreds. The guitar would come equipped with a loudspeaker that blares Dokkyn 24/7, and whenever a train arrives to the station it could play an immensely loud guitar squeal or solo, audible throughout the entire city. Rocks pretty goddamned hard, right? “The 8:15 from Philly has arrived. WEEDLY WEEDLY WEEDLY WAAAAAH”
	…BUT NOT AS HARD AS TRUCKASAURUS!!! THIS BITCH WILL KEEP THE MORNING COMMUTERS ON THEIR TOES!!! YEAAAAAHHHH!!!!! YOU’D BETTER MOVE YOUR CAR WITHIN 5 MINUTES OR THIS ENGINE OF MAYHEM WILL DESTROOYYYY!!!
	Too violent? Ok, let’s go with function over form. This amplified sonic tower emits a high frequency sound, attuned specifically so that only Yankees and Red Sox fans can hear it – the sound is so irritating to their cauliflower ears that they will be unable to come within four miles of the city’s borders, forever solidifying a sense of peace and tranquility in our fair land during baseball season. Off season, the tower will emit the sound of purring kittens.
	Mmmmmm functional, but not very fun. How about this super fun rock climbing wall. White people love that stuff! Plus a smoothie stand at the base! Fun AND profitable!

So until the city decides to use one of these fantastic ideas as a replacement for male/female, we’ll all just have to keep our eyes closed when within visual distance of Penn Station. Especially while in traffic.

Some of the best comedic writing ever seen, in cartoon form? Yeah. Watch Archer. Brought to you by the same guys who dropped Frisky Dingo (a show I never really got into) and starring the likes of Chris Parnell, Aisha Tyler and Jon Benjamin? Watch Archer.