The City That Breeds » Schadenfreude

How to take advantage of local natural disasters to make your tweets go viral

How to take advantage of local natural disasters to make your tweets go viral

Twitter is basically like a stream of consciousness thing that I use strictly for my own entertainment, so I never really expect people to find what I babble about online very interesting. But every now and then: I do something, a bunch of other people think it is worth repeating, and my phone makes noises all day. That is what we in the internet biz call “going viral.” Yesterday was one of those times. That morning I woke up, … Read entire article »

Filed under: Baltimore, Schadenfreude

Picking Baby Names Is Hard

Picking Baby Names Is Hard

Dear City That Breeds Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop. Big news! My wife and I just had our fifth kid. Yes, I said “fifth.” What?!? So I have five kids? They are all awesome, and my family is awesome, and right now I can field a basketball team, and when the zombie apocalypse comes I will have five minions who will do my bidding and help me take all your shit. #StrengthInNumbers #KickingItOldSchool #WeWillStealYourShit #FiveFlyingMonkeysAllUpInYourFace So if you think five is too … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

What the Holidays Mean and 10 Things We Hate About Them!

What the Holidays Mean and 10 Things We Hate About Them!

This is a hectic time of year, and I have found myself quite busy. The demands of my day job as a Talent Director at a Czechoslovakian Brothel, as well as my being an FBI Informant has left me minimal time to blog. However, I could not leave 2013 without giving you one last introspective rant, and since it being the Holidays, what better than to state why this Joyful and Merry time annoys the crap … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part III: Justified

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part III: Justified

By Sam Sessa I know a guy who, in one cross-country road trip, dined and dashed at almost a dozen Cracker Barrels. He and his buddy would order the same thing every time, tip the waitress, get the check and walk out through the Old Country Store without paying. Sometimes they even ordered food to go. He was young, broke and it was easy. But how could he keep doing it, time after time, without feeling … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment, Schadenfreude

A Ghost in the Church

A Ghost in the Church

Hello CTB Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here.  I work in an old, multi-floored, large church building.  Have you ever walked through an empty, old, church building?  They can be terrifying.  Especially when it is nighttime, and you are alone, and all the rooms and hallways connect like some demented maze so someone could be following you and you would never know it. Closing up these buildings at night is the worst.   It sucks.  For … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

I’m Going to Be in the NBA – A Real Convo with a B-More Teen

I’m Going to Be in the NBA – A Real Convo with a B-More Teen

Hello CTB Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here. Today I bring you another installment of Real Conversations with Baltimore Teens.  This conversation occurred in my car while I was taking a group of teens I work with on a fun excursion to a corn maze.  I was talking with a kid I had only met once before. Names of people and schools have been changed to protect the innocent. Brace yourself. Off we go… ———————————– Me: (welcoming the sophomore in … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel, part I

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel, part I

By Sam Sessa Ever been to Cracker Barrel? Of course you have. You’re an American, and Cracker Barrel is where America has breakfast. And lunch. And sometimes dinner. On the same day. The parking lot is never empty at Cracker Barrel. Even in a blizzard, someone is always sitting in those rustic wooden rocking chairs out front, biding time. Cracker Barrel is worth the wait. Hagerstown has a Cracker Barrel, not far from the Hagerstown Premium Outlets, which means … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

Dear Mr. Slumlord Down the Street

Dear Mr. Slumlord Down the Street

Dear Owner of the House Two Doors to Down From Mine, You don’t know me.  We’ve never met.  Not because I’m not around.  I know most of the people on our block extremely well.   We’ve never met because you never come around. The other residents of our block say terrible things about you.  They say you are an absentee slumlord, who doesn’t care about our neighborhood, who is infecting our property values with blight, who should be … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment, Schadenfreude

SEEKING NAKED MAN CLERGY LOVE

Dear CTB Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here.  Today I come before you with a confused heart.   I am befuddled, flabbergasted, completely and utterly dumbfounded. “Why? Why Bishop are you so confused?” Well, I’m glad you asked.  Recently I saw the following advertisement on Craigslist: Category: CL > Baltimore > All Personals > strictly platonic Nudist Clergy – m4m (Annapolis Junction, MD) As a clergyman who likes hanging around home naked, I thought it would be fun to get together with other clergy–or gay men who like being with clergy– to meet regularly in the nude. It’s so freeing and loose-diferent from our usual lives. Maybe we could have theological discussions, just simple chatting, grab a drink or two, meet a man that we are drawn to for a special friendship that might start … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude

THE GREAT TOILET WAR OF 2013

THE GREAT TOILET WAR OF 2013

Hello CTB Family, Your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here.  Today I would like to share with you the horror of my Monday night.  This terrible evening shall henceforth be known as: THE GREAT TOILET WAR OF 2013 In the basement of the house I rent there is a free-standing toilet.  There are no walls around this toilet.  There is no curtain.  There is no stall, no door.  It stands alone, off to one side of the room.   The … Read entire article »

Filed under: Schadenfreude