Politics $ The City That Breeds

[name TBD] Curran to run for 3rd Council, victory expected

February 2nd, 2012 | Add a Comment

City Hall, Baltimore – A happy announcement today as 61 year old 3rd District Councilman Bobby Curran announced that he is expecting a baby boy in August of this year. In anticipation of this event, Curran has announced his child’s candidacy for the 3rd Council district in 2031, which is when Curran anticipates retiring. “My kid’s gonna have a good legacy to run on.” Curran beamed, citing his family’s established political record in the city. “When … Read entire article »

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Mayor issues statements on recent homelessness, urban farming dramatics

January 27th, 2012 | 4 Comments

Efforts to raise awareness of homelessness and implement urban farming tax breaks would cause a severe lack of poor people to express contempt towards, a spokesperson for Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake said. During a weekly press conference, spokesperson Ryan O’Dougherty defended the Mayor’s decision to send National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week participants away from War Memorial Plaza this past November, citing the homeless population as a mental health issue. “Homeless people are society’s Zoloft,” O’Dougherty said. “When … Read entire article »

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City Leadership passes lifetime appointment bill for all local political offices

January 10th, 2012 | 4 Comments

Mayor praises decision, citing need to eliminate ‘problematic factors like voters’ City Hall - In response to declining populations, repeated incumbent victories and historically low voter turnout, the Baltimore City Council has unanimously passed a bill eliminating elections for all local leadership. Effective January 1st, all Baltimore officials serving in political offices as well as the General Assembly will serve lifetime appointments in their current positions. At a groundbreaking for the mostly-public-but-sort-of-private Super Harbor Industrial Tower – … Read entire article »

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A swimmable, fishable harbor: Or, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – Part 2

December 14th, 2011 | 6 Comments

And so it was after Earth Day 2010 that the Waterfront Partnership unveiled its, shall we say, ambitious goal to make Baltimore’s Inner Harbor two of two seemingly impossible things: Swimmable, and Fishable. Not only swimmable and fishable, but swimmable and fishable in ten years. The initially touted details involved spreading awareness of the perils of litter, construction or large marsh-barges and other measures that at that time I deemed “a bit cutesy” when faced … Read entire article »

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Dear Sheila Dixon: please run in 2015

September 29th, 2011 | 2 Comments

Sheila, I’m sure you’re well aware that your mayoral successor-by-default, Stephanie Rawlings Blake, recently won Baltimore’s illustrious and completely amazing primary election, essentially guaranteeing her mayorship after the general election. Just as you were finally voted into office having served as mayor-by-default after Martin O’Malley saved us all from BGE rate hikes when taking office as governor so many years ago, so too will Stephanie Rawlings Blake, though her chances of getting kicked out of … Read entire article »

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