The City That Breeds » Entertainment

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part III: Justified

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part III: Justified

By Sam Sessa I know a guy who, in one cross-country road trip, dined and dashed at almost a dozen Cracker Barrels. He and his buddy would order the same thing every time, tip the waitress, get the check and walk out through the Old Country Store without paying. Sometimes they even ordered food to go. He was young, broke and it was easy. But how could he keep doing it, time after time, without feeling … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment, Schadenfreude

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part II — Free Samples

Scenes from the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel Part II — Free Samples

It’s 11 a.m. on a Sunday — standing room only at the Hagerstown Cracker Barrel’s Old Country Store. Church has let out, and all those other sinners who spent Saturday night with their lips wrapped around a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 have scraped themselves off their kitchen floors and driven their Ford F150s to the best goddamned American breakfast on both sides of the Rocky Mountains. Whenever there’s a Cracker Barrel, there’s always a Waffle House … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

The Unending Madness of Linus Van Pelt

The Unending Madness of Linus Van Pelt

Since 1959, with only a few exception including incarceration, he has waited. 62 year old Linus Van Pelt sits patiently in the pumpkin patch he assumes to be worthy of a gift bearing pumpkin that will only appear in the “most sincere” pumpkin patch, which will then fly around and grant gifts to the children of the world. Clutching the same blue blanket he has owned since birth, threadbare and stained by countless bed wetting … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

Introducing the Baltimore Gamer Symphony Orchestra

Introducing the Baltimore Gamer Symphony Orchestra

A few days ago we spoke on the phone with one Kira Levitzky, the music director for the brand spanking new Baltimore Gamer Symphony Orchestra. To put it as plainly as possibly, the BGSO is a menagerie of musicians ranging in experience and age who just wanna crank out some vidya game sounds. Expect the BGSO to make an appearance on the podcast as things begin to gel for them! Here’s some more info from … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment, Events

The Bishop Rants About Breaking Bad

The Bishop Rants About Breaking Bad

Hello City that Breeds Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood bishop here to speak out about a grievous error.  That’s right, good people.  I come with pitch fork in hand.  I stand in the judges box and proclaim the perpetrator guilt.  I demand a recount! “Who, Oh Bishop our Bishop, who could have possibly upset you so?” you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. The writers of Breaking Bad, that’s who.  They ruined a masterpiece.  They destroyed glorious magnum opus.  The … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

The Best of 311

The Best of 311

LOOK AT THIS HUGE MESS. Dirty Alley or Street Request at 1400 Belt St, Baltimore Opened 2 days ago via iPhone  Alley behind house always a mess. sr number: 13-00724146 issue: Dirty Alley Closed with no response from 311, mostly because this small pile of leaves could be cleaned up with a small trashbag and three minutes of sweat equity. On the other hand, there’s this. Trash, High Grass, or Weeds Request at 3015 Pulaski Hwy Baltimore Closed 3 days ago via Android  there is rats seen … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

Harford Road Antics

Harford Road Antics

Hello CTB Family, It’s your friendly, neighborhood, self-appointed Bishop here.  Growing up I loved the book “And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry Street.” It’s a Dr. Seuss story about a little boy who makes up a fantastic tale on his way home from school, but when he arrives home he decides instead to tell his father the truth. All he saw was a mule pulling a cart. I imagine this habit of making up … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

Dear Mr. Slumlord Down the Street

Dear Mr. Slumlord Down the Street

Dear Owner of the House Two Doors to Down From Mine, You don’t know me.  We’ve never met.  Not because I’m not around.  I know most of the people on our block extremely well.   We’ve never met because you never come around. The other residents of our block say terrible things about you.  They say you are an absentee slumlord, who doesn’t care about our neighborhood, who is infecting our property values with blight, who should be … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment, Schadenfreude

Wham Bam Thank You Tam

Wham Bam Thank You Tam

Say hello to Tam. He’s a self described craZy aZian who writes long, humorous rants here and there on the Internet. We’ve brought him on board to CTB so that you may read his craZiness on a semi regular basis. Enjoy his introductory love letter entitled “A common man with uncommon thoughts. Also, screw you Ryan Gosling.” Well Hi There! That mouse clicking of yours landed you right here, and now your life is forever altered … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment

Put That Wherever

Put That Wherever

Sunday, 3:32pm: Martin’s Grocery Store, LaVale, MD The American grocery store. Home of club card Tilapia, year-long supplies of strawberries, and of course, the salad bar complete with hard boiled eggs and blue cheese crumbles. After picking up our family-size trays of steamed shrimp, finish-in-three-bite sandwiches, and shipped-from-Chile mixed fruit arrangement, Jaime Sawyers and I witnessed this beauty: The I-Wanted-A-Specific-Kind-Of-Salad-So-Much-That-I-Worked-To-Put-It-Together-Myself-But-Fuck-It-I-Changed-My-Mind-I’m-Putting-It-Wherever Salad. Dear, sweet, suburban, grocery store goer, just leave that incredibly perishable item that can’t be … Read entire article »

Filed under: Entertainment