Your chariot awaits

Newcomer Chesapeake Pedicab Company is gearing up to debut their man-powered bike taxis to trek residents, tourists and bike enthusiasts alike around the Downtown area extending to Canton, Fells Point, the usual spots. From their Press Release:

We’ll be available in Federal Hill and around the stadiums for both Orioles and Ravens events, at the Inner Harbor and Power Plant, and in Fells Point and Canton. CPC offers a fun, romantic, and environmentally friendly way to get around the heart of the city. CPC will not replace cabs, buses, and the other traditional modes of transportation around the city; however, it aims to offer a new alternative for a niche market of individuals looking for something different.

Works for me! The Federal Hill based company owned by Steven Ball has been in the works for some time now and is ready for debut. But the question on my/your mind: “How Much?”

That answer is just barely a lil’ varied, since all of the pedicabs are independently licensed, much like regular cabs. Steve had this to say on the matter:

As an owner/operator, I’ll be using the “tips only” model, cash or credit ($10 min on credit cards due to processing fees) for the times that I operate a pedicab. Drivers will receive instruction similar to what I described to you, so there may be some slight differences. Pedicabs offer a “unique” experience, but it would be wise for drivers to keep rates competitive with other modes of transportation.

Fed Hill to [Power Plant Live] I would expect $10. That trip could be made in 10 minutes or less and is relatively easy.

The aforementioned “slight differences” among other drivers would be per-minute rates, or a flat rate for the first few minutes with additional charges thereafter. Either way, if you’re looking for a fun way to hitch a ride from the Inner Harbor to Camden Yards on a cool eve CPC could be up yer alley.

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Since last Friday’s revelation that a Catholic group, outraged by Fells Point’s Ale Mary’s (1939 Fleet St.) usage of religious artifacts as vessels for chugging delicious ales, the story seems to have spread from blog to blog, to the Baltimore Sun, and apparently to local TV news as side segments aired all along the East Coast. The group’s numbers have grown to a whopping 850+ members – very close to their goal of 500,000 – with a wide range of members including state Delegate Joe Boteler, a person whose profile picture says “Save a whale, kill a jap,” and various other ladies that love cats.

The discussion of tactics by the group to rescue the ill-begotten chalices ranges from protesting, running in and grabbing things, possibly doodoobagging the front doorstep, and actually calling various distributors (Chimay, for one) in an effort to pressure them into ceasing supply to the bar, effectively killing the business. Neat!

Since the group is open in nature, several individuals have joined the group to serve as moles, spies and counterargument-ers, only to be met with exodus when providing opinions counter to the goal of yelling really loudly about Jesus and Obama.

To whit, a counter group has been formed entitled “500,000 Supporting Free Speech & “Ale Mary’s,” members of which have been monitoring the opposition closely. They’ve also formed a support tweetup next Thursday, and plan on countering the various foot-on-pavement protests that may or may not happen. It’s all a huge, very entertaining, mess.

Enjoy the show while it lasts folks!

Related posts:

1. Uber Catholic group protesting Ale Mary’s existence

FROM THE DESK OF UN PETER ANGELOS

Attention fans: We’re pleased to usher in another season of Orioles baseball. This year is especially spectacular because it marks the 20th anniversary of the prettiest ballpark in baseball. We couldn’t have kept the place looking so wonderful if it weren’t for you, the fans, reducing wear and tear on the place by not showing up.

She looks great, doesn’t she?

To celebrate two decades of professional-like baseball at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, the organization has been hard at work upgrading the facilities and adding new attractions to provide a better fan experience. Behold, just some of the excitement we have in store for you:

• The Dave McNally Memorial Hopscotch Court
• Steve Geppi’s Look What I Found Under the Refrigerator Museum
• Scale Replica of the Wailing Wall (open after the final out of each game)
• The Jim Traber Booger Slide
• Urinal Cake Shuffleboard
• Usher (non popstar) Petting Zoo
• Hobo Wrestling (located in Lot A before the game, and everywhere else afterwards)
• he Oriole Bird Fondle Tent
• The Miller Lite Vomitorium
• Bullpen Mulch Pile
• The High Five Emporium (open during home games with American League West teams)

Enjoy the new features our fine park has to offer. Or else. Onward, Baltimore Orioles!

Related posts:

1. For 2012 season, Baltimore Orioles implement “Nuclear Option”
2. Orioles manager Dave Trembley replaced, Cal Ripken bobbleheads to assume position

My inbox overfloweth with word today that a group on Facebook entitled “500,000 Against “Ale Mary’s” Abuse of the Sacred and the Sublime” – a group of 200 or so (as of now) folks from all over the place that have deemed the Fells Point drinkery/eatery offensive to their religious sensibilities. They have launched a “complaint review” campaign on Yelp, Urbanspoon and any other outlet they can find in an effort to discredit the use of small statues of the Virgin Mary and other such baubles of religiosity within the establishment.

Their MO:

This group has been formed to object to this obvious contempt for these beautiful and sacred things, and to effect change in this establishment so it may celebrate and uphold the genuine beauty and grace of the Catholic Faith in it‘s walls, or respectfully remove it entirely.

The comments left by the members are ….let’s just say, “inflammatory”

See, they have board games and it fees like “Cheers!” Which is awesome because it shows the average clientele is 40-something gay momma’s boys.

Other notable comments point out the “hypocrisy” of how any such place with a “Jewish Kitsch” theme would be considered offensive, whether or not based in any kind of fact or reality – though well known Italian family restaurant Buccas Di Beppo actually has the Pope’s head as a Lazy Susan, but I guess they don’t know about that.

And I’m not suggesting that this group should be shut down, it’s all in the interest of free speech that they can spew their anti-homosexual-pro-chalice-and-crucifix-worship rhetoric until they’re blue in the face, but I did notice that the group is *ahem* an open group, so if one were to have a differing opinion on the matter it wouldn’t be terribly difficult to *cough cough* join the group and *nudge nudge* shut them up right quick with blistering logic and even handed wording.

But seriously guys, 500,000 against Ale Mary’s? Maybe start with a more modest goal like 10,000. I’m sure there are enough insane Catholics around to fill that slot, if you tried really hard!

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This season, manager Buck Showalter, unsatisfied with last season’s “Glower Power” training technique honed “to whip the little bastards into shape,” as he put it, has devised a new strategy to ensure that this season’s home games at The Yard turn out more favorably: by threat of certain death.

The Mk6 would sit directly behind 2nd base

Showalter, who replaced former manager Dave Trembley after being famously ousted in favor of a Cal Ripken bobblehead, confirmed that in the 2012 season Camden Yards would have a fully functional MK6 nuclear bomb left over from the Cold War he had in his back yard until recently. The 8500 pound, 130 kiloton yield explosive will sit snugly behind second base on its own mound, ominously glistening under the metal halide lights.

“Yeah, I figured this thing would give those chuckleheads something to think about,” noted Showalter at a press conference, “I mean, I’m not saying I have or have not rigged this thing to explode at the push of a button or anything, or if it’s even live or not, but let’s just say it would be very wise of this ball club to not fall below 0.500 this season.” Showalter gave a knowing tap to his nose, and walked away from the podium amid a storm of questions from reporters.

When reached for comment, favored hitter and outfielder Nick Markakis stated “He’s tough but fair. Buck has a lot of experience in building teams and if he thinks using repurposed Cold War arsenal will help improve our game then I’m not one to question it. We’re just going to refocus on our fundamentals and try not to hit any line drives at that incredibly deadly piece of weaponry.”

Sunflower seed enthusiast Mark Reynolds could not be reached for comment.

Artist's rendition of Camden Yards after nuclear explosion

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Sad Sorority Sister Stuck in Squaresville

Dear Stuck in Squaresville,

Let’s see… Early 20s, live in a vibrant downtown area, college degree, 9-5 job. You really have no excuse. Except that you haven’t asked me yet. But now you have. Good news, everyone! I’m going to teach you how to have a social life (do as I say not as I do).

1) Learn to love public transportation (and cabs)

No, it’s not so that you can save money on gas. It’s not even because parking is just a fucking nightmare in Fed Hill, it’s so that you can drink. The institution of Designated Driver is a very important one… for those that don’t live in a city.

The Canadians must have a different definition of "Life of the Party"

You and I are lucky! If we want to go get fucked up and not drive home, our friends don’t have to draw straws if we don’t want to. We can ALL go get fucked up and not worry! Learn the bus system, The Charm City Circulator is 100% free, though it does stop running early. If the bus isn’t running, or too many line transfers seem too complicated, just grab a cab. It’s Smalltimore. Wherever you’re going, a cab should only cost you, max $20.

Now that you can maneuver around the city AND get booze, let’s find some places for you to go.

2) Your local bar

I’ve advocated the importance of having a local bar in the past. I still feel that way. If you can establish yourself as a regular somewhere you’ll always have somewhere to go. Go there often enough and get to know the other regulars, you’ll have yourself your very own Cheers (and it’s Baltimore, so you might even get some minorities)! Even if you don’t know any customers (you will in time), you can at least chat up the bartender (and some bartenders will throw you some discounts for being a regular, but only if you are a good tipper). Now, whenever you have cabin fever, you have some place to get out for a minute, even if it’s just for one drink after work. As an added benefit, when all your friends go “OMG, we want to do something but don’t know what!” you have a fallback plan. And, perhaps the best part is that it lets you drink on a weeknight without looking like an alcoholic!

Drinking alone in your apartment:

Drinking with people you randomly meet in a bar:

BUT SPACEMANANDY, you say, won’t I get bored going to the same place all the time? Yes. Yes you will, but if you be a little patient with me, I’ll get to other stuff you can do. Damn, my I don’t know why, but you’re kind of a bitch in my head. Just be patient. JEEZE!

3) Find a regular activity

It seems like you have problems motivating yourself to get out of the house. Find something you want to do, and make it essentially an obligation. I just finished up a season with a skeeball league, and while I can’t really recommend that (it was overpriced for a 50 cent game, and you only get to roll max 2 rounds per week… do the math)

$0.50 x 2 rounds per week x 8 weeks DOES NOT equal $46, but I digress...

but there are plenty of other things. Baltimore Sports and Social Club offers things like dodgeball, softball, and kickball. You can have something that you can do out of the house, you can meet people, and you can get some exercise in. There are other organizations like them, like United Social Sports that has that waste of $46 Skeeball league as well as Bocce. If you’re not into sports, why not sign up for a dance class, or an art class. The point being that you find something that’s weekly, bi-weekly, even monthly, whatever, just something that you feel obliged to do outside of your house that you actually enjoy.

4) Social Media

I cannot advocate Twitter enough here. Follow lots of local people. Baltimore, specifically has an amazing network of young professionals that are very active. There’s always something fun going on, like a free 4D movie at the aquarium, or Bacon and Beer Happy Hour at Bad Decisions, or a gathering of local food trucks.

There is nothing NOT awesome about the combination of bacon and beer

Twitter is the #1 place to find out about all this stuff. And while it’s not exactly “social media,” keep an eye on Groupon and Living Social to see if there’s fun stuff you want to do.

Just keep these things in mind. Work on making good friends in your area that will motivate you to get out and do something, even if that something is just going over to their house for a movie.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?

SpaceManAndy

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Well it’s been a long time coming: Bill’s Lighthouse Inn, a staple in the South Baltimore area for 30+ years, has finally been sold (for really reals this time) to one Haluk Kantar et al of the Cazbar group, who intend to form Slyce the Bar, a pizza restaurant.

….pizza. Sounds great. Since the news first dropped last February that Bill’s was transferring ownership to one Marla Strebb, a lot of interest has since been generated in the property, a tumultuous year of things-not-going-to-settlement and various back and forths until the property was finally acquired and passed along to Cazbar. This anonymous comment on the matter raised an eyebrow or two on the matter, in a very TMI way:

I heard that Adele finally paid all the money she owed her step daughter Kristy from Bill’s will, and then on the same day broke a contract to sell the lighthouse to that biker girl, sold The Lighthouse to herself, then flipped again to JBL, who is leasing the bar to three stooges from Turkey! Saw that the transfer of the liquor license is scheduled for 3/8. I wonder if it will get approved now with the owner of JBl Jeremy landsman on his way to jail for drug trafficking! Check out the city paper this week. Adele deserves whatever she gets.

All that strangeness aside, new owner Haluk said in an email “I hope to have Slyce open by the middle to the end of March. [...] I feel its perfect for the changing neighborhood.” (you can read more quotes from southbmore.com who have been covering the development about as much as humanly possible)

I doubt anyone would disagree that this particular neighborhood, which is receiving an enormous amount of attention lately, is changing. Rapidly. Whether or not the area needs another pizza restaurant (Pizza: The New Tapas?) remains to be seen. Hersh’s Pizza and Drinks just opened literally a block south of Bill’s and Federal Hill Proper is pretty flush with pizza. But the guys running the ship at Cazbar seem to know what they’re doing, so their chances of success are probably higher than most.

It will be strange, however, to see the property formerly known as Bill’s bustling and full of young urban professionals. My condolences to the folks that spent the better part of the past few decades eating there and enjoying of the last tried and true neighborhood establishments left on the map.

——————————-

In other news: The Reserve made their name change official over the weekend to ’1542 Gastropub,’ haven’t quite reopened yet. …..gastropub. Sounds great.

Related posts:

1. Another one bites the dust: Bill’s Lighthouse Inn sold

Actual Kitchen Nightmares intro graphic for Cafe Hon

So here we are folks, less than a few hours away here’s the eagerly anticipated episode of Kitchen Nightmares in which we see the usual histrionics, meltdowns, cursing, et cetera – right here in Baltimore! The Cafe Hon saga, roughly 2.5 years in the making (see below), essentially came to a close this past November when owner Denise Whiting relinquished the HON trademark.

To be honest, I had this whole post ready to go about a drinking game associated with the episode, a bunch of paragraphs about the history of the saga, on and on and on but then I was shown that the video is already available on Youtube so screw it, this post is about watching the video and nothing else for now, because I haven’t even seen it! Maybe I’ll throw in some post-analysis afterward.

SORRY GANG FOX PULLED IT, FEEL FREE TO TALK ABOUT IT IF YOU SAW IT –
CHECK IT OUT ON HULU INSTEAD

HISTORY LESSONS:
10/2009
02/2011
06/2011
10/2011

STUFF FROM THE VID:

• “Hampden is just north of Baltimore” – nice work guys!
• “There’s one way to do it here – my way.” ~Denise Whiting
• “Hon was a part of our vocabulary long before it was part of a restaurant.” ~Reagan, MIX106.5
• (Gordon Ramsey doesn’t know anything about the significance of pink flamingos in Baltimore)
• 07:40 Manager notes that DW will more than likely pretend to be perfect and not “be herself,” ouch
• 08:00 On cue, DW assumes the role of Pariah
• “I was afraid for my life!” ~DW
• “Denise thinks that she’s a rock star”
• Zeke’s Coffee in the background!
• Ramsey loves the crab (that’s good), hates the shrimp (that’s bad)
• “A lot of the menu items are — crap.” ~Greg, head chef
• “It’s like a flamingo turd just landed on my plate” ~Ramsey as a reaction to “Better than Mom’s meatloaf”
• “I’m not going to let anyone in my way, including Chef Ramsey.” ~DW (Jesus, did they pay her to say this stuff?)
• 10 minutes of pure stress watching DW in the kitchen – 86 THE STEAK / TURKEY / FRENCH FRIES / SWEET FRIES / POT PIES!!

… good god there’s just too much.

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Man, South Baltimore is on a roll these days with the closings and the reopenings and the rollovers and the what not – The Reserve (1542 Light St, Riverside) is now “closed” … for a week.

Here’s a bizarrely worded update per their Facebook page:

After 2 1/2 Wonderful years*, The Reserve is officially closing its doors today. Thank you all for your continued support! However, we have a special surprise in store for you all…so stay tuned. The doors will be closed from 2/20-2/27 for construction. Enjoy this weather & have a wonderful week!

So “The Reserve” is out, a week of construction is in and no new owners to speak of via the liquor board. So Hooray for Rebranding!

I suppose this is a good thing, The Reserve has had its share of bizarre feedback, owners getting arrested for possession and/or bowing out of the biz, really a myriad of issues ranging from identity problems (are you upscale casual or a broseph hangout, the old people eating their dinner quietly would want to know that ahead of time) to reportedly disastrous service issues to lawsuits by managers against other restaurant owners less than a block away. Yeah, it’s probably time to retool things a bit. I’ll refrain from going on and on about this place, but oh the stories some of my associates could tell.

Best of luck with the reboot gang, looking forward to seeing what you can do.

UPDATE: Hyper-local newcomer blog southbmore.com has a nice wrapup of some history on the 1542 Light St space as well as some additional info on Reserve owned Taco Spot and its closure/expansion/new liquor license – there seems to be a lot of liquor license jujitsu going on with these guys so it’ll be interesting to see what happens.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: The Reserve’s new monicker will be “1542 Gastropub.” I wonder if the menus will have dollar signs?

*is it just me or is 2 1/2 years the new “I give it a year”

Related posts:

1. Bill’s Lighthouse sold again (for real this time), to become yet another pizza restaurant
2. Baltimore Beer Week 2010 (aka BBW 2010)

Word has it that the once embattled and now seemingly acceptable Tiki Barge (500 Harborview Dr., Inner Harbor) is applying to expand its operations, in order to include a lil’ ol’ thing they like to call the “Raw Barge.” Billed as a seafood restaurant, this Raw Barge has one of the most comedy-ripe names I’ve heard in quite a while, harkening back to the days of Green Cilantro and NADDs (or possibly Shirley’s Honey Hole).

The Raw Barge – a leather daddy barge? TUESDAY NIGHTS! BEAR NIGHT! GET RAW AT THE RAW BARGE! RAW DAWGS ONLY!!

Possibly a vegan-friendly barge that serves only raw foods? As we all have learned thanks to the infinite wisdom of raw foods enthusiasts, steaming a carrot DESTROYS ANY AND EVERY NUTRIENT WITHIN, and what better way to enjoy a platter of raw turnip, than on a barge?

Or possibly a barge for watching WWE’s Monday Night Raw – I know I’d be there each and every Monday!

Regardless of the name, after its initial summer of too-much-success-for-Harborview-residents and a brief flirtation with having its liquor license suspended (for the entirety of Harborview), which was fairly quickly reversed, Tiki Barge seems to have settled in this past season with little noise or discomfort (at least, until their liquor license goes back for renewal!). With any luck this seafood addition will enhance the experience and further move its initial image from “Jersey Shore reject hang out” to “Nice place to sit, eat some oysters and then get horrible cramps by swimming too soon afterward*.”

Best of luck to you, Raw Barge!

*yes I am aware that this is just something your parents tell you and isn’t based in actual medical fact, cram it

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