The cooler days of Fall are approaching (thank God) and it can mean one of several things for you personally, be it impending yardwork, giving birth to a child, whatever floats your boat. But certainly, one thing it should definitely mean for you personally is your participation in the 2nd Annual Baltimore Beer Week, put together by the fine folk at Beer In Baltimore and many other area vendors, sponsors, coordinators and other hard working types. A celebration of all things beer running from October 7th-17th, with a whopping 24 beer events happening around the Baltimore area, you’d be hard pressed not to trip over a firkin or two during that period of time.

The kickoff party is going down on October 7th at the Museum of Industry (1415 Key Highway, Riverside), and tickets are available now, with only 250 available at $30. Cake artisan and international superstar Duff Goldman will be hosting the party, so get yours today!

BUT WAIT – too cheap to purchase a ticket? Head down to Alexander’s Tavern (710 South Broadway, Fells Point) tomorrow from 5-7pm for the Pre-Beer Week happy hour and enter for a chance to win some!

BEEEEEEEER

You can follow Baltimore Beer Week around at these interweb locations:

Baltimore Beer Week

@BaltBeerWeek

Want to win some stuff? Fill out this form to complete our “Baltimore Mad Lib” and submit it. Winners with the best resulting Mad Lib will be chosen on Sunday, September 5th and awarded some super cool stuff. (yes I am well aware that forms are archaic but it was easy ok)

ENTER NOW!

Everybody loves Mad Libs. It’s a scientific fact. And at some point recently the thought occurred to me: “Hey there should be some Mad Libs about Baltimore, that’d be pretty funny.” And then I thought “Hey I should run a contest where I make a Mad Lib about Baltimore and people fill it out and the best submission wins, that’d be pretty funny.” And so here we are folks:  we’ll be launching a “Baltimore Mad Libs” contest, with totally awesome prizes for the best “fill in the words” for a Mad Lib about Baltimore we’ve provided. If it does well, we’ll make more in the future. (If you’ve been living in a cave for the past 30+ years and just recently attained internet service and don’t know how a Mad Lib works, go here)

The “fill in the blanks” Mad Lib will go live tonight and submissions will be accepted until Midnight Sunday. The best ones will be featured in a future post all their own and will win a prize package consisting of some seriously awesome stuff.

So get your creative juices flowing people, let the zany hilarity ensue!

Dear SpaceManAndy,

We’ve all seen movies about Zombie Apocalypses that take place in rural
America and in New York and LA but what about us schmucks here in Baltimore?
Do you have any advice for those of us hoping to survive the coming Horror in
B-more?

Sincerely,
TheBigBiteOnBrains in B-more

Dear BigBite,

So, you want to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse? Congratulations, asking me for advice is the first step!

You are right to be concerned about this. Baltimore is prime ground zero for the upcoming Zombie apocalypse. We’re close to DC, but not that close. Look how many government and military bases we have around, and those are just the ones that are known to the public! Us schmucks are in for a tough time. But following my advice can save your sorry ass.

Before the outbreak, it’s all about planning. Think about who you want in your crew. It’s important to have a crew with skills. Don’t get emotional here. Is your girlfriend good in bed, but awful at weaponry? Leave her. She’s just going to be dead weight. You’re not going to have time for any sexy time during the zombie apocalypse (and usually if you do have sex, you die, everyone knows that horror movie rule). And have you ever seen a zombie movie? One of your loved ones will ALWAYS get turned and you will have to kill them and it will mess you up. Then you’ll be dead weight and useless to your crew. Best to bring friends or even better, acquaintances. Make sure these people know that they’re in your crew so they can start stocking up on weaponry.

Do you have your crew in mind yet? Good. Now you need to pick a meeting spot. This place needs to be secure, and have provisions. You don’t need a lot of provisions, you won’t be staying here for too long. Many bars in Baltimore have upstairs storage areas. These are great places for meeting. This meeting place is for planning your next step. Zombies vary from movie to movie, we have no idea what real zombies will be like. Are they slow like Night of the Living Dead? Are they fast like in 28 days later? Can they think and make traps like in I am Legend? Different zombies require different plans. Be thinking about plans accordingly.

So now it’s the Zombie Apocalypse. DO NOT be that idiot that sees a zombie and stammers in disbelief until it starts munching on your head. Believe it, and set your plan into motion. Go to your meeting spot. Cell phones probably won’t work, so just go and wait for your crew. Most of your friends will probably be dead, so don’t wait too long.

Now that your crew has gathered and you’ve figured out what kind of zombies you’re dealing with, you can move on to a more permanent location. DO NOT stay in downtown Baltimore; too many people to attract the zombies. You may think you’re smart and want to go down to the harbor and take a boat out to sea. This is not a good idea. Everyone else will have the same idea. You could get trampled, or killed by another human that wants your spot on a boat. Also, consider this, what if someone on your boat has been concealing a bite? Then you’re out on the water with no escape with a zombie. Not so smart now, are you?

The best thing to do is find a suburb that has a town center. It will be less populated but the buildings will be close together. Clear out a few buildings with your crew. Once these buildings are secure make rope bridges from the second story windows and ladders. Once that’s done, destroy all staircases. Now the zombies can’t get up to your safe haven! Now you can relax a bit, but not too much.

Contrary to many zombie movies, I have to believe that zombies cannot last very long after the outbreak. They’re dead meat, and they rot. Rotting meat falls apart. Also, what stops wild animals from eating humans? Our intelligence and weapons. Zombies don’t have either of those. The animal population will help you here. Kinda like how the animals help Cinderella and snow white, but in a much more viscous and deadly way. Hang out in your second floor New Eden until the zombie population thins, then you can go get a big black trench coat and go about rebuilding your post-apocalyptic life (seriously, why is it that everyone goes goth after the apocalypse in every movie ever?).

Ta Da! Now you’ve survived the Zombie Apocalypse.

Unless the zombies are smart. Then you’re pretty much fucked.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?

SpaceManAndy

For a while now, Foursquare has enjoyed something of a meteoric rise in popularity among the gadget headed, internet craving individuals of this nation. And while the frigging movie Valentine’s Day has its own Foursquare badge and page, the entire city of Baltimore ain’t got no badges of its own (although, the Baltimore Sun has a page). Which is why I decided to sit down, fire up some 3rd grade Photoshop skillz and make a few badges for Charm City, as inspired by MMMcDermott’s 6 Foursquare badges that should exist. Enjoy!

Orioles Magic: You’re either a glutton for punishment, or a season ticket holder! This is your 5th checkin at an Orioles game.

Hipster Scum: You’re unemployed, but hey, at least you’ve got that trust fund check and PBR! (attained by checkins at venues tagged “hipster” a la Golden West)

WTF is that thing??: Yeah, we don’t know either. This is your first checkin at Penn Station!

Bodymore: Keep earning that pension! This is your 5th checkin at the scene of a homicide.

You’ve Got Crabs: Baltimore does one thing incredibly well, and that’s steamed crabs! This is your 3rd time eating them! *

* yes I am aware that the crab featured in the badge is not a genuine Chesapeake Bay blue crab but YOU try finding the appropriate clipart!

MORE COMING SOON (maybe)!!