The cooler days of Fall are approaching (thank God) and it can mean one of several things for you personally, be it impending yardwork, giving birth to a child, whatever floats your boat. But certainly, one thing it should definitely mean for you personally is your participation in the 2nd Annual Baltimore Beer Week, put together by the fine folk at Beer In Baltimore and many other area vendors, sponsors, coordinators and other hard working types. A celebration of all things beer running from October 7th-17th, with a whopping 24 beer events happening around the Baltimore area, you’d be hard pressed not to trip over a firkin or two during that period of time.

The kickoff party is going down on October 7th at the Museum of Industry (1415 Key Highway, Riverside), and tickets are available now, with only 250 available at $30. Cake artisan and international superstar Duff Goldman will be hosting the party, so get yours today!

BUT WAIT – too cheap to purchase a ticket? Head down to Alexander’s Tavern (710 South Broadway, Fells Point) tomorrow from 5-7pm for the Pre-Beer Week happy hour and enter for a chance to win some!

BEEEEEEEER

You can follow Baltimore Beer Week around at these interweb locations:

Baltimore Beer Week

@BaltBeerWeek

It’s well documented that people enjoy beer. And while the snottiest beer nerd will wince at the thought of drinking some sort of mass produced domestic on the cheap, the rest of us want it cold, quickly, and most importantly: cheap.

Which is why starting now, the Baltimore Area Cheapest Beers Map is live! Borrowing data from City Paper’s Coldest Beers map to start, we’ve listed the first 20 or so bars featuring beers under the $2 range. This map will be continuously updated with new entries as they come (feel free to email us as many as you like, we will add them), and will include any and all area bar’s cheapest available beers, excluding happy hour. A new day is dawning Baltimore, and it will be inexpensive.

And don’t forget to put the map on your phone!

View Baltimore’s Cheapest Beers! in a larger map

Dear SpaceManAndy,

I am a pedant who believes that only a drink consisting of gin and
vermouth (and possibly bitters) should ever be called a Martini. I
also believe that such a drink should always be stirred, never shaken.
In this world dominated by Grey Goose and James Bond, will I ever find
true love? Or at least a blowjob?

Signed,

Cocktail Nerd in Oakland

Dear Cocktail Nerd,

Your willingness to compromise on love but not a good cocktail impresses me. I will help you, along with everyone else that reads this column, so listen up you three (Evan: HEY!). Just because you put a cocktail in a martini glass does not make it a Martini. I’ve seen Natty Boh poured into a martini glass, NOT A MARTINI. You are right, Nerd, a Martini consists of gin, vermouth, and sometimes bitters. You can play around with the proportions if you’d like. I for one like my Martinis very dry. If you use vodka instead of vermouth, you may call it a vodka martini, but not a Martini (see what I did there with capitalization? God, I love grammar). If you start adding other liquors it’s not a true Martini, and if you start adding juice, just put it in a normal glass because you’re not even close anymore. As a self-proclaimed authority on this subject that I only started thinking about when I started writing this, I will rule that the most creative you can get while making a Martini is using infused gin. So listen up Bartenders: If someone asks for a Martini, don’t ask “gin or vodka.” Make them a real Martini, and if they can’t handle it, tell them to get some class before coming to the bar. You may also slap the drink out of their hand. They don’t deserve it.

But I guess that wasn’t your question, was it? Your question was whether or not you’d find love or a blowjob. Probably not. Despite what I’ve just done for the past paragraph, people don’t like being yelled at about cocktails. If you can find one, then kudos to you. I’d check Craigslist, maybe you can find someone who likes being yelled about cocktails, or I’m sure you could pay someone to pretend they like it.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?
-SpaceManAndy

email SpaceManAndy with you urgent advice needs! He just wants to help you!

Today marks the 1 month lead up to one of the Baltimore area’s greatest brewery tours, the Heavy Seas Pyrates, Pigs and Pints tour! A celebration of all things pirate, bacon and some of the greatest local brew put out by the fine folks of Heavy Seas (aka Clipper City Brewery). Last year’s celebration was absolutely incredible (seriously look at the pictures, it was awesome) and this year’s promises to be more of the same …despite the fact that the tour is not on Talk Like a Pirate Day, and is instead on our current greatest day of national mourning, but whaddayagonnado. Here’s the rundown:

Heavy Seas Beer & Bacon Fest

~Pyrates, Pigs & Pints~

Sept 11th
12pm-4pm

Aaaaaaargh!!! You Ready For The Best Event of the Year?

Join us at the Clipper City Brewery, home of Heavy Seas Beer for the 2nd Annual BEER & BACON FESTIVAL! An extravaganza complete with 10+ DIFFERENT BACONS from all over the country.  Baltimore’s best local restaurants and chefs will be serving up dishes made with bacon bacon bacon. Dress like a pirate and win booty in our Best Dressed Pyrate Contest.

What You Should Expect:

• Lots of foods made with bacon
• Your favorite Heavy Seas beers on tap and firkins including special one-of-a-kind creations.
• Special behind the scenes access to our brewery
• Live music by the Harry Tranham Band
• Last year we had BLTs, bacon chocolate, bacon tacos, the BACON EXPLOSION and more.  This year will be even bigger and better!
• Tickets $40 +tax

Click HERE to purchase yours today or call 800-830-3976!

Must be 21 or older to attend.

BY SOME TICKETS NOW!! THIS WILL SELL OUT. I GUARANTEE IT.

A friend of mine living in Texas recently told me of an adventure her and her friends embarked upon, a journey so magical and incredible I feel it is my duty to share. It’s called the Pedal Party, and it is awesome. The Pedal Party is a 15-man, one bartender/navigator mobile bar with bike pedals on every seat. While sitting at each of the bar stools, the patrons pedal their way along their route to their destination, while the person at the front steers. The bike/bar itself comes loaded with several taps, so thirsty pedalers can swig some brew while en route to the next bar (presumably you’d be going to a bar on this thing). The brilliance behind this plan is that the bartender is the one who steers, thus never violating any DUI laws, even if the people pedaling the bike are hammered! But alas, since this wondrous device is in Texas, a state with no open container laws, it wouldn’t be possible in Baltimore.

Unleeeesssss the bike didn’t feature alcoholic drinks, and everyone performed their responsible imbibery at destination bars. A 15-man tandem bike bar crawl, if you will.

Logistically, having one of these things in Baltimore could be… difficult. What with the state of our major thoroughfares, aggressive drivers and many, many hilly areas, finding a good route for such a thing has a limited geography (although this route could work pretty well). That, and the fact that these things are manufactured in Germany, and there’s only three of them in the world. But hey, a guy can dream, can’t he? Just look at how awesome this thing looks in action!

City Paper has scored it Big Time with the folks at Go Time. Their new site section, unleashed last Friday, is dedicated to cataloging Baltimore’s finest and bestestest happy hours is in full effect, and even comes in a delicious app flavor for your smart phone of choice. I took a test drive with the app today, it lists every happy hour in the Baltimore area, which you can sample and vote on whether it’s good or not. The most popular happy hours are listed on CP’s site in order, but can be sorted in other ways.

You can also filter the listings by cuisine, features (A/C, outdoor seating, etc), and a few other things. Or if you’re feeling lucky, shake the phone and it’ll generate a random happy hour for you to try. Awesome.

With any luck, area bars will jump at the chance to promote their happy hours and users will continue to make sure that listed specials are up to date. Go Time has been around for a few years too, with proven success in other cities, so at least there’s hope that the site won’t grow mothballs like some other area sites regarding happy hours seem to. Throw in some Facebook page incorporation (aside from “liking” specific happy hours) and Baltimore has itself the perfect way to find the best place to spend some dough on any given night.

Cheers!

(be sure to follow Baltimore City Paper on their Facebook page)

(props to spamspam for the heads up)

Ah yes, the highly obnoxious and destructive internet sensation known as Bros Icing Bros. A fine prank to pull on your fellow bros, but it lacks the additional benefit of a ridiculous sexual secondary joke. Well, to fill that gap we now have Dudes BJ’ing Dudes, a method of forcing your friends to drink crappy Bartles and James flavors while simultaneously working a gay joke into the mix. Hilarious. Will this iteration of the “forcing your friends to drink gross shit” prank catch on? Who knows! One thing I do know, however, is that the original Bartles and James commercials from the 80s still kick the ass of most of the over-stylized pewp seen in bottled booze ads these days, right Ed? AND THANK YOU. FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

The idea of a lemonade with the right amount of heat and the right kind of booze is a tricky thing to come by. To be honest, I was surprised at how well this particular experiment turned out, but it’s a perfect storm of flavors. The lemonade and Bourbon go remarkably well together, and the habañero flavor kicks in right at the end. The great thing about using the habañero is that it gives you distinctive “spice” without a pronounced vegetable flavor often encountered with jalapeño infusions.

To start, you have to make or buy your lemonade. Since I’m all about the DIY, I made my own. Also, this is remarkably easy; it literally takes less than five minutes, so in my opinion making your own is always the way to go! As I was making this to mix with booze, I made it a little stronger (sweeter and more lemon-y) than I would just a plain lemonade, and it made for a better tasting cocktail.

The Lemonade:

• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup lemon juice (concentrated)
• Juice of 1 fresh lemon (optional)
• 6 cups water

First you need a simple syrup. Add the 1/2 cup sugar and 1/2 cup of water to a pan and heat on a low setting. Stir the mixture until all the sugar dissolves and then dump the syrup into your vessel of choice. Add the rest of the ingredients, minus 1/2 cup of water. I had to use concentrated lemon juice because that’s all I could find, but I put in a little of the fresh squeezed stuff for texture. If you use only fresh squeezed juice, you’ll have to use more of it-let your taste buds be the judge. Do keep in mind that this should be a little strong, and that you’re also making it for yourself. The recipe is based on what tasted good to me, but you may want to add a little more or less of the ingredients.

The Habañero:

If you’re not familiar with them, habañeros are some of the hottest peppers around, with some varieties being 100 times hotter on the Scoville scale than your average jalapeño. They range in color from light green to deep red, and the closer they get to red the stronger they are. Mine were orange, which Is considered a medium strength – relatively speaking; on a personal note, I once ate a whole habañero and it was a six hour odyssey of pain, so be *very* careful when you’re handling this thing!

I poured one pint of my lemonade into a jar and added a sliced habañero with the seeds removed. For easy removal I wrapped it in cheesecloth, but a coffee filter would also work. I then tossed the mixture into the fridge, and after an hour and a half it had just the right amount of spice. I checked on the lemonade about every half hour, and I’d recommend you do the same. If you let it sit too long, the habañero will be the only thing you taste.

The Cocktail:

I used Bulleit Bourbon (again) because it’s decent and fairly cheap, but go ahead and use something else if you’d like. The Bourbon flavor does come through in this, so I wouldn’t use anything you couldn’t drink straight.

Simply combine the following and enjoy:

• 1 part bourbon
• 3 parts habanero lemonade
• ice

Or, blend the whole thing and enjoy a kickass frozen drink!

Cheers!

Midnight Sun made the call to arms to zanily Photoshop one of Baltimore’s most sought after beer products, Resurrection, into zany situations in a zany manner. So here we are, with six of the zaaaaaaniest situations you might find a can of Resurrection involved in!

Update: Congrats to ADMIV and his wife for winning. Well played!

During the recent warm spell we had a week or so ago, I came across some blood oranges at the grocery store the other day and like every single red blooded alcoholic I thought, “Man, those would go great with alcohol!” So I picked up a half dozen of those, plus a few different mixers and set out to do some experimentation when I had some free time.

For my case, I chose gin because it lends itself to strong-flavored mixes better than vodka. A decent gin has an herbal, aromatic quality that vodka lacks entirely. If used in the right proportions, you’ll notice this, and not the sharp, acrid bite that most people associate with gin. And this is the only thing you’ll have to buy at the liquor store! Although Cointreau or Triple Sec (both orange liqueurs) would both be great ingredients to use in a concoction featuring blood oranges, I wanted to keep this cheap and simple. Plus, I have a nearly full bottle of Chambourd on my shelf that’s been mocking me since I did the “If a Cosmo tasted Good” article in January – the last thing I need is more liqueurs taking up space.

To start, I poured blood orange juice together with regular Bombay Gin (not Sapphire) and a bunch of ice into my blender and hit pulse a few times. Separately, I tried mixing this with soda water, 7-Up, and Orange Crush. After taking the Pepsi Challenge on each, the winner was the Orange Crush mix.

The soda has just enough sweetness and fizz to round out the stickiness of the blood oranges and harshness of the gin. You could easily make this more “gourmet” by using orange juice instead of the Crush and adding a splash of soda water and Cointreau, and even some orange bitters. But, I’m satisfied with my creation; for the price of a bottle of gin and $5 worth of groceries, you’ve got yourself a pretty bitchin’ afternoon.

Here’s the final recipe: 4oz Bombay Gin Juice of 4 blood oranges (hand-squeezed) Juice of 1 lemon and 1 lime wedge At this point, add all this to your blender with plenty of ice and go to town. Keep in mind that the longer you blend for, the closer to liquid it will become. It just took a few seconds for mine to be the consistency of a thick Slurpee (or mashed potatoes) , which is what I wanted. When you add the soda in the next step, this will thin out considerably. This drink actually tastes better when you can feel the texture of little ice chunks as you’re sipping it! Next, divvy up the slush into your glasses (or glass) until it’s 2/3 full. Fill the remainder with the Orange Crush. Stir and drink, preferably outdoors.

Cin Cin!

So last week I was in Key West, FL doing a little vacationing and visiting. I spent much of my time there with locals who work/own/operate businesses in the area, and was fortunate to get a taste of the non-cruise ship atmospheres and locations around town. And I’m going to tell you about them. Enjoy!

If you’re in Key West and say, over the age of 25, and you’re looking for a supreme place to hang out where the locals do – from business owners to rich people to prominent judges and their dogs – head to Grand Vin (1107 Duvall St.). Vin boasts a serious selection of wines/imported beers and an atmosphere akin to Idle Hour (201 E. Fort Avenue, Riverside) here in Baltimore, but with 100% less techno music. It also has a sweet wraparound porch which faces Duvall St. directly, making for some excellent people watching. There’s even a sweet old-style scale in the terlet. Here are some pictures!

One on of our trips to Grand Vin, the bartender began speaking to me about astrology – at length. Once I told him my sign (Gemini) he was very quick to remark “Ah yeah, you’ve got Gemini eyes.” Welp, can’t argue with that logic.

He also was very insistent on knowing what time I was born, what I did for a living and what my favorite boy band was. Alright maybe not that last one but once I told him the rest of the stuff the majority of his responses were “FIGURES!” or “I KNEW IT!” Damn this guy had me figured out even before I did! After that he essentially went back to his bartending duties and grilling other patrons about their celestial leanings, possibly trying to score a threesome with some Scottish lady in all-denim and her boyfriend. Good times.

Don’t get me wrong folks. Theoretically green beer on St. Patrick’s Day is a fun way to be festive without wearing 265754 pieces of stupid flair, wigs, leotards, “DRINK ME I’M IRISH LOL” shirts, whatever.

And once you’ve had your penny Guinness, your dollar Jameson, your two penny XTREME Guinness Bawls Guarana Car Bomb XTREME you’re more than ready and willing to swill down anything green, whether it’s beer or bong water. But GOD DAMN, I drank a few of these green abominations this past Saturday- essentially Miller Lite with water and food coloring – and I do declare I’ll never stray from the brown beers again.

…until tomorrow. When I do it again. Dammit. Happy Actual St. Patrick’s Day everyone.

I was inspired to create this drink after a recent trip to Chicago, where I happened upon a bar that was still using egg whites and powdered sugar in their mixes. Up until then it was only something I’d read about and it seemed archaic, but after the first sip I was sold. I don’t know who was first inspired to use egg whites in a cocktail, but they deserve a medal, because it was a stroke of genius. The egg whites make the drink taste creamy and rich; think of it as the whipped cream on your sundae.

While at the bar I had a Tom Collins and a Gimlet that utilized both of these ingredients, and they each went down smoother and tasted better than any I’d had before. The sugar and egg kill the harsh qualities of the alcohols being mixed, which is probably why they were such a necessity years ago.

Although the Tom Collins I had was good, I’m just not a big fan of that drink to begin with. The Gimlet, on the other hand, hit the bull’s eye. It was my drink of choice for a while, and during that time I discovered there is a very thin line between a good and bad Gimlet. The key is using just the right amount of lime juice, which varies with the kind of vodka or gin you are using. However, even with a properly made Gimlet most people wouldn’t have more than one before switching to something else. Fortunately, adding sugar and egg whites not only takes the guesswork out of the process, it makes the drink taste …good. Think: lime smoothie.

For my recipe, I used Skyy vodka that was infused with ginger for one week. You can’t get away with using a rotgut-quality vodka; use something that you’d be able to have straight. Anything without a feral animal on the label should be fine. To infuse, simply peel one ginger root as you would a potato, slice, and place in a container with a standard 750ml bottle of vodka. You definitely want to use a fresh ginger root , and not the powdered stuff. I wrapped my ginger in cheesecloth so I wouldn’t have to dig out the pieces later on, but it’s not necessary. I let mine infuse for a week, but you could shorten that time by adding more.

Now that we have our vodka, let’s make the Gimlet.

Wipe the rim of your glass with lime, then coat with powdered sugar ( I used Sugar in the Raw for the picture, but powdered sugar will give a better flavor.) Fill the glass with ice and add: 2.5 parts ginger vodka 1 part egg white (I’d recommend Egg Beaters) .5 parts of Rose’s Sweetened Lime Juice to taste – if you use the unsweetened variety, or fresh-squeezed juice, you’ll need to add powdered sugar or simple syrup to the mixture. Shake or stir vigorously, drink in a dimly-lit room. Cheers!

Here’s my interpretation of a drink I had while traveling a few years ago. After a hectic day of suffering though mass transportation and shopping for gifts, I found myself in a nice lounge in the high-rent district, fully prepared to unwind with some drinks. As a prelude to something more serious, I decided to try a cocktail made with vodka, sparkling wine, and Chambourd, a French liqueur made from black raspberries and herbs. And goddamnit if it didn’t taste good! Once I returned stateside from traveling I was determined to reverse-engineer the recipe. I think it turned out as good, if not better than the original.

This recipe is fairly precise in that you ABSOLUTELY must use Chambourd, a decent vodka, a mediocre sparkling wine, and lemon juice (oddly enough, the lemon is a crucial ingredient) in my exact proportions. And although Chambourd is EXPENSIVE ($35/bottle), it’s fairly intense – so a little is all you need for most drinks. Unless you’re having cocktail parties on a weekly basis, that bottle’s gonna stick around for a bit. I made the investment thinking that I could pass on the remainder of the bottle to my grandchildren. As far as the vodka is concerned the Chambourd, sparkling wine, and lemon juice should kill any harshness – but stay away from anything in a plastic bottle, or anything with “WILD” in its name or a feral animal on the label. I used Skyy and was very happy with the results.

Sparkling wine. I’m not calling it Champagne because only wines from Champagne, France that meet certain restrictions can be called Champagne, and are therefore very pricey. All that’s required for this drink is a sparkling wine made in the Champagne style, unless you’re looking to kill some leftovers from New Year’s Eve. Just stay away from the sweeter varieties; most Brut or Extra-Dry types will do (between the two, Brut is the dryer, but Extra-Dry is by no means sweet). You really need a dry sparkling wine in this case – Champagne or not – to really make this work; something as sweet as an Asti Spumanti will ruin the drink. I used an extra-dry Cava and it did the job just fine. Your local wine and spirits shop should yield a wallet friendly candidate. In short, no Champale.

The portioning on this will make one awesome drink if you have big martini glasses like I do, or two normal-sized drinks if you don’t. In a glass filled with ice, combine the following: 2oz Chambourd 5oz sparkling wine (extra dry or brut) 3oz vodka squeeze half of one lemon into the mix Next, wipe the rim of the glass with a lemon wedge-it makes a noticeable difference-strain in the mixture, and you’re done! Although I can’t take credit for the inspiration, this borders on cocktail perfection: the sweetness of the Chambourd and tartness of the lemon are balanced by the yeasty-dryness and fizz of the wine, with the vodka warming it all up at the end.

Cheers!

It was a few days ago when I received the heads up about a whiskey tasting a-goin’s on at The Idle Hour, which quite frankly I didn’t even read the invitation when all I saw were the words “Whiskey” and …… ok all I saw was “Whiskey.” At any rate, last night The Idle Hour hosted a free whiskey tasting by Copper Fox Distillery, the makers of Wasmund’s Single Malt Whisky (it’s spelled that way on the bottle) and Rye Whisky.

I spent quite a bit of time sampling master distiller Rick Wasmun’s various boozes and I have to say I’m impressed. Not just with his product – the first applewood aged whiskey in the world, but with the guy himself. His journey to create a unique whiskey spanned over six years, many visits to distilleries all over the world including Scotland, and the kind of love for what he does that few of us can lay claim to. His two person team (himself included) have been driving around in a modified van, meeting and greeting with people at bars around the region and spreading the joy of whiskey for quite some time now, spending the night in the back and moving onto the next destination. I highly recommend reading his whole story here.

But how does it taste, you might ask? “Like old man breath,” one of my friends said. Just kidding. The single malt is incredible. It’s rich, fruity, and instantly warms your whole body (120 proof helps a bit). The rye whiskey is much drier, which isn’t my preference, but if that’s your thing then I have no reason not to recommend it.

Another thing that I found pretty awesome that Rick sells – DIY whiskey barrels. You can buy your own barrel and spirit as a kit, and age the stuff yourself in your own home! A damn fine gift idea I must say, and they even have a “barrelhead club” in which you can purchase future barrel kits and exchange old ones. …INCREDIBLE IDEA.

I chatted with Rick at length about the business, how he got started and how he’s occupying a niche in the market; with this lineup I’d say he’s doing a fine job of it. If you’re interested in picking up a bottle, head on over to Wells Liquor (6310-10A York Road, Towson) or Graul’s (7703 Bellona Avenue, Ruxton). Alternatively if you’d just like to try a glass, try Wine Market (921 East Fort Avenue, Riverside) or Woodberry Kitchen (2010 Clipper Park Road, Woodberry).

Cheers! Best of luck Rick and company!

With the weather becoming colder and grayer, I’ve been craving whiskey drinks more – and my standby, a frosty beer, less and less. And while you can’t beat a top shelf Bourbon (Woodford, Makers Mark, Bakers, etc.) at room temperature in a glass with nothing else, the downside is that it’s an expensive way to catch a delicious buzz. I wasn’t too keen on moonlighting at the docks to support my cocktail fetish, so I came up with a cheaper alternative.

A good Bourbon has a full flavor that is less evident in it’s more wallet-friendly brethren. You can easily dull the sharpness and bite of any harsh liquor by adding some tonic, soda, or water, and Bourbon is no exception. But these cocktails usually taste too much like the ingredient they’re mixed with (more on this later). I was hoping to enhance the “Bourbonness” of the drink rather than mask it.

So, after some experimentation, here’s my solution to drinking even more of the bottle of expensive Bourbon that’s already half-empty…

Mix some Jim Beam with honey, maple syrup (actual maple syrup, not pancake syrup!) and a splash of water. Toss it in the microwave for 20-30 seconds, and you’ve got a winner! You want the end result to be hot, but not boiling. The heat helps dissipate the honey and syrup and just makes it taste really, really good. As for the proportions, it’s roughly: 3 parts bourbon 1 part syrup 1 part honey 1 part water

I say “roughly” because depending on your personal taste or the mood you’re in, (or the brand you choose) you may want it sweeter, stronger, or lighter. The first time I made it exactly 3:1:1:1 and loved it, but each subsequent time altered the ratios very slightly at the end.

Also, go ahead and use a different Bourbon if you want, but Jim and I were roommates in college, so I called him up for the occasion.

Furthermore, while I was at the store picking up the honey and maple syrup, I also grabbed some ginger beer and ginger ale. Bourbon and ginger go well together, and I thought I’d do a little compare-and-contrast between the two as a potential mixer for my budget Bourbon.

Even though they each have ginger as the predominant flavor, there is a difference between the two, especially as a mixing ingredient. Ginger beer has much less carbonation than its counterpart. It has the “fizz” of well, a beer. Ginger ale, on the other hand, is all about carbonation-you can still taste the ginger, but it’s in the background. Based on that comparison, I decided to use the ginger beer as my main ingredient (next to the alcohol of course) in the next cocktail.

I made a few variations of just ginger beer and Bourbon, but they all tasted too plain. But after adding a couple old standby’s, it really came alive: 2 maraschino cherries, muddled in the glass 2oz Bourbon 2oz ginger beer squeeze of lime The result is a Bourbon cocktail I can live with: not too strong, not too fizzy, and all the flavors complement each other. You can even taste the Bourbon.

Cheers!

Once you’ve broken your cherry by making some bacon-infused vodka Bloody Marys, give this one a shot.  After tasting a bacon Bloody Mary, I was inspired to create a BLT-type drink.  After a lot of trial and error, here’s what I came up with.

Now, if you haven’t made bacon vodka yet, it’s time to man up already.  It’s wicked easy – cook some bacon and add vodka.

Having done that, let’s make some BLT-inspired cocktails. For our first example, start by adding equal parts of the following: Bacon-infused vodka Hendricks gin (The “L”) – For those of you not familiar with it, Hendricks is a Scottish gin made from traditional botanicals as well as cucumber leaves and rose petals.  You WILL taste the difference. If you’re afraid of gin, this one’s a pussycat; people who hate gin love this one.  I also know that cucumber is not the same as lettuce, but who in the hell wants a drink made from lettuce? Tomato Juice A dash of celery salt and/or sea salt

BLT Cocktail

The cucumber flavor in the Hendricks is subtle when mixed with the bacon vodka and tomato juice.  I added a splash of cucumber juice  to enhance it (cucumber+blender+cheesecloth).  It’s not necessary, but it’s definitely an improvement that’s worth the whopping $0.50 and two minutes of hard labor. My favorite aspect of it is that you taste it in stages – first the cucumber, then the tomato, and finally the bacon. It’s basically a “light” version of a Bloody Mary.  This is also a deal-maker since it goes down smoother than water and is laden with alcohol. It’s like Rohypnol for the DIY-er!

Now, I love Bloody Mary’s, especially Bacon Bloody’s, even Virgin Bloody’s – but after having one, I’m ready to settle with a smoother cocktail. This next drink is something you can knock down with ease until you can’t legally drive, and it’s equally as tasty (and if you don’t want to shell out $35 for Hendricks as far as the gin is concerned, it’s a much cheaper alternative…).

BLT Smoothie

In your blender, add: One cup of diced seedless (English) cucumber, or about 4″ worth. 2.5 oz tomato juice and 2.5 oz of bacon vodka. Toss in a couple ice cubes and blend. It’s more of a smoothie than a cocktail, but delicious nonetheless. The texture of the cucumber actually enhances the flavor. To be honest, I prefer this version of the drink, but it requires too much preparation and cleanup for a guy without a wife. So if you have a wife, this drink might be for you! Cheers!

This was a joint venture between myself and Erik Brown, the bartender at the Oregon Grille. Once I learned that it was possible to create a bacon-infused vodka, I immediately thought, “That would make a bitchin’ Bloody Mary.” I finally got around to making the vodka a couple of weeks ago, and the drink had its debut today. It was a big hit. Once you make your bacon-infused vodka (refer to previous link!), the hard part is over. All you have left to do is make your mix. For his Bloody Mary mix, Erik works outside the realm of standard measurements. He adds enough of each ingredient until it tastes just right (I’ve found it’s better to make the mix to your personal taste anyway.)

You’re essentially going to combine tomato juice, prepared horseradish, Worcestershire Sauce, cracked black pepper, celery salt, Tabasco, and a little lime juice. Do feel free to go Avant Garde on the ingredients though, because you can easily balance out your mistakes. However, the mix will make or break this drink. If you don’t love the mix then start over.

To top this all off is a coated rim. It’s a combination of celery seed, Old Bay, and black pepper. To make it adhere to the glass, wipe the rim with a wedge of lime.

It’s finished off with a celery stalk and a few olives; 3 to be exact.

Cheers!

With the onset of cooler weather, I thought that a spiced bourbon would make for some pretty tasty cocktails, and I was right. Try out this recipe for spiced bourbon and you’ll agree.

To begin with, use a decent bourbon (Maker’s, Evan Williams Single Barrel will do). To make the spiced bourbon, you can use whatever spices you want-it’s all about personal taste. But since my personal taste is better than yours, you should follow these guidelines. For the infusion I chose cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and clove. Whatever spices you choose, use the whole (not ground) versions. If you do use nutmeg, crack the nut – don’t leave it whole.  I wrapped mine in cheesecloth and let them steep in the bourbon.

The key to this project is daily tasting.  Each spice will infuse its flavor at a different rate of speed, so you may have to add or remove them during the process.  When it tastes right, remove the spices.  If you wrap each spice separately in cheesecloth, it will be much easier to add or remove them.

Here’s the breakdown of ingredients in this case:

• 2 cinnamon sticks
• 2 nuts of nutmeg (cracked)
• 1 tsp. allspice
• 1 tsp. clove – clove comes on strong. I had to pull mine out after 3 days to keep everything balanced. The cinnamon and nutmeg took longer to impart their flavors.

I let my spices steep in the bourbon for seven days, but you could go longer or shorter depending on how intense you want the final product; I came up with two drinks for this, both served hot.

Spiced Bourbon Cider Use 1 part spiced bourbon and 2 parts apple cider, then heat in a microwave. Wipe a lemon wedge around the rim of the glass and put a spoonful or so of Sugar in the Raw on a plate and rub the rim of the glass over it.  This step is key-you need the sweetness of the sugar to balance out the spice of the bourbon. Once the cider/bourbon mixture is finished in the microwave, squeeze a lemon wedge over it and add a teaspoon of honey.  If you want to go balls deep, you can top it off with whipped cream, nutmeg and cinnamon.

Spiced Bourbon and Cider

Spiced Bourbon Old Fashioned

Spiced Bourbon Old Fashioned with Blood Orange You can make this with regular oranges, but it won’t be nearly as good. To start, wipe the rim of the glass with a slice of Blood Orange. Then, coat the rim with Sugar in the Raw – I added a bit of cinnamon as well to liven things up.  If you want to avoid the mess of coating the rim with sugar, muddle it in with the orange and cherries. Heat about 2.5 ounces of your bourbon. Next, muddle  a couple maraschino cherries and a decent slice of Blood Orange, along with a teaspoon of Maraschino Cherry juice if you have a sweet tooth.  I also tossed in a quarter ounce of Blood Orange juice to make it more user-friendly. Pour in the hot spiced bourbon. Add a splash of club soda; it really cleans up the taste of the drink and prevents it from being too sticky-tasting. On a final note; go easy on the Blood Orange!  It has an intense flavor, so if you add too much, you’ll wind up with a hot spicy orange juice.

CHEERS!

(if you’d like to read about the bacon and other foodstuffs featured at this horrifically amazing event, go here)

SO I’ve been wracking my brain over and over about what to say about the Heavy Seas Bacon and Beer Fest put on by Clipper City Brewery the other day, and I just can’t really do it justice. The event was positively magical; all you can drink Heavy Seas and Clipper City brews (which will get you bombed incredibly quickly as it turns out), bacon centric foods and frigging pirates walking and ROLLER SKATING around – it was simply the best way to spend half of a Saturday afternoon. The ability to walk around among the bottling equipment, tankards, cisterns, cooling systems and all of the other brewery equipment that comprise an otherwise industrial setting were perfectly woven into the festivities in a way that bizarrely complimented the whole thing.

That coupled with the surreality of pirates walking around and getting drunk while eating bacon, I mean …what the hell? The whole thing was incredibly well executed and I can’t wait to get back to another one of their events, regardless of the theme.

At any rate, hopefully some of these pictures can kind of do the whole thing a bit of justice.

It’s not often that I pull the “come to this event or you’re dead to me” card but this is a truly, truly wondrous event for celebrating a truly wondrous beer at the Clipper City Brewery: It’s a brewery tour It’s on Talk Like a Pirate Day It’s “all you care to sample” BEER AND FUCKING BACON IF YOU DRESS UP LIKE A PIRATE, YOU GET TREASURE. Here’s the skinny, direct from their website.

September 19th – 12-4pm

15+ Bacons, 10+ Beers, 10+ Restaurants, Live Music From Dirty Secret (who?) and More!
Baltimore’s Best Brewery and Over 10 of its Finest Restuarants have convened to salute nature’s greatest food: Bacon!

Tickets are only $40 (plus tax) and include ALL-YOU CARE TO TASTE beer and fabulous bacon.

Just a sampling of what you can expect……

* Bottomless samples of Heavy Seas favorites and some special new brews made up for the occasion.
* The Bacon Explosion.
* Other great dishes including……BLT’s, Piggy Candy, Bacon Wrapped Scallops and so much more!
* 15+ Different Bacons From All Over The World.
* Special “Treasure” For Anyone Who Dresses as a Pirate – since it is National Talk Like A Pirate Day.

……….and Much More!

Tickets are $40 and limited to the first 300 ONLY!

Join Us and Get your Pig On!

Call 800-830-3976 for additional information.
(or Ally at 410-878-9900)

ORDER TICKETS – APPARENTLY THERE ARE ONLY 50 LEFT!

also add it to your calendar!

——————————————————————————————————————–

I’ll be there and so will several other locally famous individuals. So should you!

Andy should have gone to Essence of Evan:

Behold as the tragically hilarious guest poster Lee of The Jackal’s Den bestows upon us his thoughts and feelings on this past Saturday’s vodka infusion festival (my own material will be posted when I get my hands on some pictures of it):

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Getting Awesome With Awesome Vodka

When you get awesome the way Jackals get awesome you tend to know people who do awesome things. Evan “Strike List” [redacted] does awesome things, namely make awesome vodka infusions.

$20 all you can drink vodka’s and mixers as well as a buffet (the meatballs were the fucking bomb). In the interest of full disclosure I was still feeling the effects of how awesome we got Friday night when we (Heather, Beth and I, DC Representing in BMore two saturdays in a row. respect that!) arrived for the 2:30 pm tasting but I fought through it like Butch fighting through pride fucking with him if he chose to do that instead of fucking over Marcellus in a most Jackal way, but I digress…

The menu of vodkas went something like this:

• Peanut Butter Vodka
• Lemon and Grape Vodka
• Bacon Vodka
• Coffee and Caramel (it was awesome. like van goghs but not as sweet. if van goghs is a white chocolate mocha this was espresso. damn that was GAF, but i’ll just keep it moving to the KIM)
• Cucumber and Jasmine Vodka
• Pickletini (fuck pickles fuck them in their nasty ears. i even had my pickle hate t shirt on in protest)
• Cherry and Lime Vodka
• Lemon and Ginger Vodka
• Rosemary and Garlic Vodka

I started out as any red blooded MerCan would with the Bacon. Damn did that shit taste like Bacon. I mean really taste like Bacon. Big time. I had it on the rocks for a bit and felt like it really needed some horseradish (note to Evan, make Bacon Horseradish Vodka and sell it to me). Not wanting to be a pain in the ass I settled for adding some Tabasco. It was good when I had one of my awesome ideas. What if I made a screwdriver out of this? I mentioned the idea and was met with 5 or 6 “what the fuck” looks but the bartender was feeling my genius. He topped me of with OJ and The Breakfast of Champions shot was born. It basically tasted like you took a bite of awesome breakfast sandwich and then a sip of your OJ all in one awesome alcoholic beverage.

Next up was the peanut butter vodka. Damn that shit tasted like peanut butter and was awesome. This was hands down the most popular vodka at the tasting. People were mixing it with Baileys, making awesome white russians with it, we dropped it into Guinness and did car bombs, mixing it with the coffee one. It rocked. I even rocked it out with some 100 poof peppermint schnapps and made a Girl Scout Leader.

Moving right along I tore into the Lemon and Ginger and mixed that bad boy with Blue Moon to make a Fancy Poison. If you’ve had Poison it was exactly the same but with good vodka and better beer.

We also tried the Lemon and Grape with an IPA but it wasn’t as good as fancy Poison, way too bitter.

The champion of the stand alone vodkas however was the Rosemary and Garlic. That shit was good. Really fucking good. The other vodkas had stronger flavors but this one was just smooth as all get out and made me want lamb something fierce. Now that I think about it I was a good 6 or 7 vodkas deep when I tasted it so perhaps I should try it again when sober but I am 99% sure, ok make that 79% sure it still would be my favorite. As for the mixed drink that goes with this awesome vodka, Lambtini = ground lamb and Rosemary and Garlic vodka.

So all in all the vodkas were quite awesome and the event was quite fun. As an added bonus I got nice and drunk before 5pm which is always fun. The only negative thing I have to say about the entire thing is that The Wiz and Steven didn’t show up with basically makes them GAF.

The Bacon and Beer Happy Hour IV has come and gone and it was a pretty great time indeed. For a bar that has essentially made a name for itself solely through Tweeting frequently, Bad Decisions has really done a fine job of generating a ton of interest in their events and establishment in general, this particular event especially. The place was packed by 7pm and it was still packed when I left, having a grande olde time eating entirely too much bacon and drinking cheap beer.

And when I say entirely too much bacon, I mean entirely too much bacon; instead of pretzels in baskets, they put out baskets of bacon as snacks. Each and every menu item had bacon in it (a lot of bacon) – I played it safe with a grilled cheese and bacon but other sandwiches, such as the GBLT (a BLT with Guacamole) were piled enormously high with the smokey goodness.

And no evening featuring all things bacon would be complete without a star, a bright shining star that eclipses all other food items, a truly epic piece of food destined to destroy us all in a white hot supernova. That food item is known as The Gutbuster, and it is truly horrifying. The Gutbuster is a double bacon cheesburger with – are you ready for this – two bacon grilled cheese sandwiches as a bun (no lettuce or tomato, that shit’s for pussies). Yeah.  This thing was like a Hollywood star on the red carpet when it came out of the kitchen. Pictures being shot left and right, ooohs and aaahs and gags all around. Upon taking his first bite, one guy stated “it’s like I’ve been slimed!” as grease and butter covered his chin. But he ate the whole thing, and then ate a plate of nachos. Unreal. (I also submitted it to This Is Why You’re Fat)

People were met, beer and bacon vodka were consumed, it was great. Can’t wait for the next one!
LIGHTING EDIT: For tons of really really good pictures of the event, head here.

What seems like a thousand years ago, I was on a rather smallish bar crawl of sorts hitting up some of the non-square Canton establishments that I had frequently heard of, but never really been to. One such establishment was SILKS – a place whose name I found myself repeating out loud every time I passed it, because the name is printed in enormous letters on the side of the building, as well as in big neon CAPS on the door (picture slightly outdated).

You’d think based on the mural on the side, SILKS is some sort of sports bar, yes? Well, the reality is somewhat different.

Upon arriving at the front door of Silks, our group found it to be locked. There were people inside, vacantly staring at a television in the corner, but nevertheless that goofy door was locked tight. So we tried the side door, asking aloud if they were open, to which we didn’t really get a response but walked in anyway. I couldn’t help but instantly notice that Silks, despite its sporty exterior, has nothing to do with sports whatsoever. In fact, the bar itself is quite elegant. Solid wood, with molded trim lining the room and a huge mirror backing dusty bottles of various boozes. Turns out, that was about the only elegant part of Silks, coz the rest of it is crazier than crazy.

Essentially, Silks is the extension of the owner’s house – not an unusual reality in Baltimore – which became evident when one of the people we were with accidentally walked into a living room after going through a door assumed to be for the bathroom (the actual bathroom was pretty cool actually, with a large trough urinal and old porcelain fixtures). While looking around, I saw stacks of mail on the table next to the bar, newspapers, a chaffing dish, and piles upon piles of other random crap you’d find in a Baltimore row home. The walls are plastered with old pictures, posters and other interesting knickknacks, all of which have a bit more character than your standard bar.

But wait! There’s more! The owner, a guy named Kevin, is quite the character. He yells at you, has a foul mouth, and is probably nuts, but in a charming way. At one point he stepped out from behind the bar, revealing himself to be wearing pajama pants and slippers – definitely a first as far as my bar-going experiences are concerned. He asked one of us for a business card, which was provided. Kevin proceeded to whip out a plastic grocery bag full of piles of business cards and napkins with names on them, extolling the virtues of how many celebrity contacts he had (none of which I had really heard of). It was a riot, and so was he. Check out the totally sweet business card he gave in return! It even has a map on it!

So if you go, and the place is open (I have no idea if he has actual hours), say hi to Kevin and the rest of the crew. Oh yeah, the bathroom door is on the LEFT. Be careful with that!

In what will be an undoubtedly failed attempt at sparking a bit of conversation on this often-times echo chamber of a website, today I will offer my opinion as to which bars have some of the most generic names, for better or for worse. Granted I can’t help but offer at least something of a review of the interior, but I’ll try to be brief. Behold:

5. Sliders Bar and Grill 504 Washington Blvd. Baltimore, MD 21230 (410)-547-8891

I don’t care if a billion people flood this place after Orioles games while in season, Sliders is just a generic name for a bar, sports bar or not. I mean, with a rich cultural and sports history in a city like Baltimore, you could probably come up with 90 more interesting names than Sliders – Orioles Nest? Birdland? I dunno. Even Pickles Pub right next door has a better name, and it’s named after a frigging condiment!

4. Nobles 1024 S. Charles St. Baltimore, MD 21230 (410)-727-1355

I’ll call it a close tie between Nobles and Mother’s at #4, but Nobles eeks out the win in this slot for being fairly uninteresting in almost every other way. Whereas Mother’s has become quite the destination bar for tourists and meatheads alike, Nobles is just kind of blah. Kind of blah, even after closing up shop for weeks on end while renovating to create a rather sizeable dance floor, AND changing their name to something slightly more “classy” than Drifters Raw Bar and Grill. Then again, if you like to bump n’ grind and do very little else I guess Nobles kind of fits the bill.

3. Bartenders 2218 Boston St. Baltimore, MD 21231 (410)-534-BEER

This one tears me up, because Bartenders is actually a pretty kickass place. Kickass pizzas, nice guys running the place, hell even their phone number is kickass. But the name is just kind of ….eh. Bartenders.

2. Cheerleaders 702 S. Broadway Street, Baltimore, MD 21231 (410) 675-5177

Every time I walk past this place I kind of roll my eyes at its unimaginative name; and then I look inside, and actually get a chill. Anna Ditkoff put it best in this blurb:

There was nothing particularly cheerleadery about it. It was dark with TV screens covering the back wall like an altar, and the female bartenders wore T-shirts and baseball caps rather than the spirited uniforms you might expect—though one did get up on a raised platform and shake it with some pompoms for a song or two. The most striking thing about Cheerleaders was the age of the crowd. It was old. Not old like I’m old—old like my parents. And they were partying hard. A gray-haired gentleman sang along with “Sex Machine.” Another explored a woman’s tonsils with his tongue, and, stranger still, a man who looked a bit like Tim Conway rode a Segway through the bar.

It all made Cheerleaders feel like Neverland for frat guys, where you may age but you never grow up. Or maybe it’s more a Cocoon scenario. Either way, according to my scrawled notes “guy in the polointentey into music,” so, um, it was time to leave.

1. BAR Corner of Lancaster and Regester, Baltimore, MD 21231 (???) ???-????

Another Fells Point bar of considerable note, as the name itself is the embodiment of generic (thus it is #1). I’ve only been to “BAR” a few times, and every time it has been strange. Canned beer only (rarely cold), a pool table and maybe some old people sitting around. So basically, it’s like most towny bars in Baltimore. It always kind of reminds me of a scene from some sort of David Lynch film; really uncomfortable, you’re not quite sure of what’s going on and you feel like you need to get out very quickly. Currently the established sports a sign on the front door that simply states “Out of order,” which could either mean the front door is literally out of order or “BAR” is defunct. Regardless of its extreme dump-charm, “BAR” definitely takes the crown of Most Generic Bar Name in our fair city.

Honorable Mention: Islander II Bar and Grill – it no longer exists, and is now known as Bad Decisions, which is a much better name (and a much better bar to boot). But for the love of crap, don’t put numerals in your bar names, people. And stop adding “Bar and Grill” to everything, GAW!!

I realize there are more than likely hundreds of bars in Baltimore that could expand this list, but quite frankly I’m not going to be driving out to Central Park Heights to find them. That’s your job.

As promised, I have begun mapping City Paper’s top 100 coldest beers lists, and will be presenting them year by year in the Google Earth Projects page. Once all of them have been completed they will be available as a whole set, or individual years for viewing.

Top 100 Coldest Beers in Baltimore – 2007 (Earth) (Maps) – City Paper’s formerly annual feature listing the top 100 coldest beers in and around the city, preserved for posterity. From City Paper’s feature “In Our Cups”, printed 2007/05/23. (Note that many of the bars listed in previous years may have changed names, or flat out no longer exist)

Let it be known that while the amazifying and momentous Snuggie Bar Crawl was occuring two weekends ago, another momentous accomplishment was in the making at Don’t Know Tavern. See, a friend of mine who happens to be on one of the best trivia teams on Earth had in his possession a certificate for half off of a tab up to $1000 at said Don’t Know Tavern, and through a series of conversations decided to use it in the most cost-effective by alcohol volume method possible: purchasing 125 Long Island Ice Teas. The following video depicts his epic journey.

I’m taking this award and running with it. Running. With. It. If bacon vodka can win an award, then surely the jasmine tea and cucumber vodka (made for the semi-annual Midnight Sun happy hour) that everyone seemed to enjoy could bring additional success, if not profit. Which unfortunately is currently impossible legally – so far. I’m working on it. But suffice to say, once I come up with a way to sell custom vodka infusions to local bars and individuals, I’m doing it.

(Dr. Sam Sessa has graciously printed this recap in his wicked popular blog Midnight Sun, as hosted by The Baltimore Sun)

Let it be known that the Snuggie Bar Crawl may or may not have been the best bar crawl in Baltimore history, but it was certainly the best bar crawl that Fort Avenue has ever bore witness to. I even remember seeing dozens and dozens of “Attending” RSVPs on Facebook shortly before the event and thinking “Damn, this could be the best bar crawl Fort Avenue has ever born witness to.” And by the time everyone arrived at Captain Larry’s it looked like it was pretty much inevitable. There were at least 60 people crowded into Larry’s and additional people crammed into Rafters across the street, traffic literally began slowing on Fort Ave. to catch glimpses of the Cult of Blue as they assembled a horde to take a group picture.

Everything went smoothly and according to expectation; drinking, revelry, making endless Snuggie jokes, the usual. Everyone was having a pretty great time, mingling and socializing from bar to bar (some of which seemed pretty overwhelmed by a fleet of Snuggies invading their place of business). Things started to get especially interesting once we hit the fifth bar or so, as folks started getting pretty lit up and began to resemble drunken wizards wandering around the streets in small groups, rather than a larger group of bar goers who could justify looking so ridiculous on a Saturday afternoon – and as far as I could tell only about a quarter of the bar goers made it past the fifth or sixth location.

Regardless, the crawl maintained its “total blast” status well until the very end, even after the regulars at the smaller places gave us the stink eye and vacated, even when the more imbibed folks started shedding their Snuggies like the itchiest burlap sacks and opted for cheese steaks instead, and especially when there were only a few of us left belting out karaoke at Paul’s – a time during which I discovered Midnight Sun enthusiast BA has Golden Pipes. His Elvis is like, to die for!

Congrats to the crew at Captain Larry’s for pulling off a great time.

RANDOM HILARIOUS STUFF THAT HAPPENED:

1. The arrival of Mr. Zink in his “SnugWow” – a Snuggie wrapped in Shamwows. We used him to mop up many spills.
2. The presence of a friend of mine at Don’t Know who was attempting to buy 125 Long Island Ice Teas over the course of the day from 10am till close – and he did it.
3. A group of girls who decided that they should be Dark Jedis rather than people in snuggies and wore Darth Vader masks.
4. Let’s just say people get slightly more perverted when Snuggies and alcohol are involved. Yikes
5. The pure, distilled surreal droplets that came out of hanging out in Southside Saloon and drinking Bud ponies with 20 people in Snuggies.

(pictures on Captain Larry’s Facebook page)

When I first read of the (then) upcoming Belgian Beer Fest at Max’s Taphouse a few months ago, I was pretty much instantly excited. The image of a beer festival with Belgian beers the likes of which I had never heard of, much less seen got my imagination flowing. One of the bartenders I know there described the event to me in detail, weaving tales of cask-aged beers that had never been seen in the United States, exceedingly rare and unusual potables that people would travel from far and wide just to taste. Well over 140 beers, over the course of three days.

“Well shit, I have to go then.” I decided to participate in the event with full on style and grace, renting myself a room at the Courtyard Marriott for Friday evening and taking the day off from work.

Turned out to be a pretty great idea. My idea of what ‘beer’ is has changed permanently, more than likely for the better, and I fully recommend to anyone who ever called themselves a drinker of beer should attend this cultural event. Seriously.

I arrived at the bar at about a quarter to eleven in the morning yesterday, before they even opened, and a mob of people were waiting outside to be the first to try some of the world’s most curious beers. Of course, this mob demonstrated one very important difference from all other mobs waiting to gain access to an event – they were civilized, mostly quiet, patient, and pleasant to talk to. These hard core beer nerds were there for the experience, and once we entered the bar it was pretty clear that an experience was what we were in store for.

Hundreds and hundreds of small glasses, filled with colorful liquids ranging from pale green, golden, brown, purple, you name it. Sweet, sour, bitter, nutty, fruity; the combinations of flavors in these beers rivals that of any wine tasting I’ve been to or heard of – it’s the real deal. As the guy sitting across from me put it when I told him I had no real experience with Belgian beers – “Ohh you’re in for a TREAT!” People sharing samples, passing around enormous glasses of their favorites, purchasing specialty bottles of the most intensely sour lambics and wincing at their flavor (but in a good way!), it was a truly unique and fun endeavor.

For the price – $3 for a sample and $6 for a glass, bottles ranging from $7 all the way to $50, and considering the alcohol content of a lot of these beers – as much as 20%!!, you’ve definitely got to take your time with it. But you wouldn’t regret it. I probably spent a total of 25 bucks throughout the whole experience.

After about four or more hours of morning sampling we took a break, but came back in the evening. And were I to give a bit of advice, I’d say “Avoid the evening hours if you’re looking to enjoy the sampling.” I’ll just bullet point some reasons why:

• The place gets slammed to the point where you have to stand in the middle of the floor.
• At around 9-10pm, the brosephs start showing up and douching up the place. Which actually ended up being really hilarious, since all of the beers they were used to ordering weren’t available, and were forced to read big foreign words on a menu of beers that was probably forty times longer than the one they’re used to. I can’t count how many times I watched dudes with Phillies hats and puffy jackets end up ordering Rasberry or Cherry lambics, just because it had a fruit in the name (then would complain about how expensive it was). Fortunately, most of these guys got bored and went to The Greene Turtle where they should have been in the first place.
• They run out of a lot of beers simply because it’s in short supply, so you may miss out on something you may be curious about.

Regardless, even in the evening we ended up enjoying ourselves just due to the people watching. All told, I think I tried roughly 15-16 different beers, all of which were really quite unique. The event continues until Sunday the 15th, so hop to it!!!!

Can’t wait until next year…

Photos:

Videos:

See sometimes, inside jokes between your friends can produce something potentially amaZING. In years past, several of my friends and I would joke around about the ridiculously horrible dipping sauces and coatings that seem to be slathered onto foods served in chain restaurants like Fridays, Ruby Tuesday, that sort of thing. The game would usually be to come up with the most elaborate and ridiculous sounding mixture, which almost always ended being something along the lines of “Sun-dried-tomato-mayo-lucky-charms-jack-bourbon-bistro sauce.” This process repeated itself until one such point in time that we ended up coming up with “Honey Maple-peño dipping sauce.” No sooner had we done this than a favorite show of ours, Sealab 2021, came up with a virtually identical premise in a commercial for their very own chain restaurant, Grizzlebee’s (link to said commercial pending).

Five years later, following the success of Bacon Vodka, I have decided to create Honey Maple-peño Vodka.

Fortunately for most, the combination of sweet and hot/spicy is one that is easily tolerated, moreso than a meat-based vodka, so the process is pretty simple and should be relatively open/shut. I started with the following ingredients:

1 bottle (5th) of Absolut Vodka (left over from a party)
2 jalapeños, medium
1 tbsp. Pure Honey
A few drops of Maple Syrup (just so I can add ‘Maple’ to the title), to taste

Mixed all of these things in a Mason jar on Sunday, placed it in the fridge, and let it sit. Took a little sampling of the stuff last night (Wednesday) and it seems to be faring pretty well. Although the jalapeños were floating at the top of the jar, so I made slits in the sides of them to sink them to the bottom. The flavor is just spicy enough, but at this point it tastes mostly like a green pepper with a very vague sweetness to it. I will more than likely add another tablespoon of honey to the batch and let it sit an additional week to two weeks before trying it again (pictures to come as well).

In the meantime, I will be attempting to brainstorm drink ideas for use with this concoction. Some seem to think this would make a good bloody mixer, but I think aside from the spicy jalapeño flavor the honey/maple sweetness probably wouldn’t be very complimentary. BUT I for some reason in my head think it would go fairly well with tonic? Perhaps with a bit of lime and garnish?

DISCUSS

Whilst engaged in an online discussion regarding gross soft drinks, the usual suspects of seasonal Mountain Dew flavors versus Mr. Pibb XTREME were thrown around, until someone dropped a big, fat, curious bombshell:

Yes friends, if your eyes are working properly you are seeing the same thing that I did; the unholy union of Budweiser Brand beers and Clamato. CHELADA. After stifling a dry heave, I decided to look into this seemingly nightmarish drink idea and sure enough, dated January 14th 2008, the fine folks at Anheuser-Busch put out a press release announcing their triumphant foray into the world of…. latin-themed drinks. Apparently, “Chelada” is like a Mexican’s drinkable BFF.

The press release is a true gem of industry-speak in motion, observe:

The name Chelada is a shortened form of the Spanish word michelada which loosely translates to ‘my cold beer.’ To order Budweiser or Bud Light & Clamato Chelada, one might say: “Una michelada con clamato, por favor.” To shorten that but still keep the beer recognizable as the traditional recipe, Anheuser-Busch focused on the name Chelada.

“One look at the can and you know that this beer is the real thing – Budweiser and Bud Light mixed with authentic Clamato,” Vitrano said. “This is a savory beer that will appeal to adult beer drinkers, particularly those who enjoy beer mixed with Clamato.”

That last sentence is fucking hysterical.

At any rate, I electronically saunter over to wikipedia and find that yes, in fact, Michelada is a real drink made by real Mexicans. Having read the full list of ingredients provided, the immediate words out of my mouth were “It’s a ghetto bloody mary.”

Michelada Recipe (thanks Wikipedia)
Into a chilled salt-rimmed mug or glass pour 325 mL (12 fl. oz.) of tomato juice or Clamato. Clamato is becoming more common.

* A few drops of hot sauce, such as Valentina, Bufalo or McIlhenny’s Tabasco sauce.
* A few drops of Worcestershire sauce
* A few drops of Maggi seasoning or soy sauce.
* Squeeze a lime wedge (lemon would neither be strong nor sour enough).
* Mix the ingredients in the glass.
* Slowly add one 325 mL (12 Fl. oz.) Mexican beer (preferably a light beer like Tecate or Dos Equis)

And as I read about this savory beer, this once revolting concept, a certain curiosity overwhelms me…. I have to try this shit. I’m going to try this shit.

YEAAAAAAH BUDDY

After allowing the bacon vodka to sit for 4 days, half of which was spent refrigerated, it becomes time to filter all of the horrible fat globules and as much of the debris out of the mix as possible. For this, we start with some easily obtained cheesecloth (or in my case, “tear cloth” obtained from work):

The dirty mess is poured through the filter, not once but twice, using separate pieces of cloth.

The key here seems to be filtering the mess while it’s as cold as possible, so the fat blobs stay solid enough to not slip right through the filter. Unfortunately on my first run the globs were still pretty liquidy, so a lot got through to the bottle.

After this first round of filtering, the bottled bacon vodka is still very yellow, still pretty cloudy, but has at least 80% less disgusting wretch-filth. BUT IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! TO WORK WE GO!!!

So I roll up to the lab, and grab a few containers to split the bottle’s contents into (and a funnel).

Next, I split our bottle EVENLY into the four containers, and load them into our Sorvell Instruments RC-B3 Refrigerated Centrifuge, set to spin at 2000 rpm, 4 degrees Celcius for 20 minutes (give or take).

Aaaaaaand after all of that, the solid debris is sent to the bottom of the containers, making it easy to put it back into the bottle, debris free. BUT THERE’S STILL FAT BLOBS IN IT!!!! (actually by this point literally 90% of everything is filtered out) IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I NEED TO ABUSE SCIENCE SOME MORE AND MAKE THIS CRAP PERFECT!

In our final step, I apply a Nalgene 0.9mm vacuum filtration system to the contents of the bottle.

And surely, literally every single last bit of flotsam and jetsam are removed from the fluid, leaving a crystal clear, pristine, bacon vodka.

A simple taste test reveals: oh yeah bitch. This shit is top shelf. This final, perfected product will be placed in a newly decorated bottle with an eye-catching logo that will some day make me a million dollars:

Now, unfortunately for the general public, access to Sorvell RC-B3 refrigerated centrifuges and or Nalgene 0.9mm vacuum filtration systems may be limited. In the absence of these things, just use a hell of a lot of cheesecloth to filter the bacon vodka and MAKE SURE the stuff is cold when it’s being filtered. It’s more than likely that the final product will never be as crystal clear as the stuff shown in these pictures, but quite frankly I only went through with these final steps because of the aesthetics involved, and because I could. It had no effect on the flavor, so any interested parties probably shouldn’t care if they were to try and create their own bacon vodka.

This is only the beginning…

The bacon vodka is 3 days old, sitting in the fridge, and boy howdy is it looking ….horrible. The vodka itself is murky, yellow, and coated on top with a sheet of fat globules. Observe:

prior to human consumption, I will be straining the concoction through a healthy pile of cheese cloth in a funnel, and back into its original (but redecorated to be awesomer) bottle. If after straining the vodka there’s still a heap of sediment, I might actually take advantage of having very large and expensive scientific equipment around me all day long and centrifuge all of the particulate matter to the bottom before finally decanting it.

I know, I know, this stuff looks horrible, but I swear there are some ways to consume it that won’t make you retch (maybe). I’ll post the final product and some drink recipes next time!

(click here for part 3)

Throughout the days of adventuring here in southern Baltimore one comes across something special every now and then. An old man pooping in a parking lot, maybe, but in this particular instance I’m referring to a magical concoction that was briefly served at Captain Larry’s known as bacon vodka.

There’s really no further pretext necessary, if the idea of bacon flavored vodka makes you nauseated then you’re probably a pretty normal human being. But the stuff is actually pretty good when mixed properly with the right combination of mixers.

At any rate, I started making a batch of the stuff last night with a 5th of Smirnoff. I cooked up 8 strips, trimmed the fat, shoved the cooked product into my handy dandy Green Door growler, poured the vodka over the bacon and sealed the jug. Almost immediately globules of fat started dissolving into the mix. This is gonna be some bacony ass vodka. Expect pictures later on this evening.

(click here for part 2)