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The Best of 311


Dirty Alley or Street Request at 1400 Belt St, Baltimore

Opened 2 days ago via iPhone Iphone_tiny


Alley behind house always a mess.

sr number: 13-00724146

issue: Dirty Alley

Closed with no response from 311, mostly because this small pile of leaves could be cleaned up with a small trashbag and three minutes of sweat equity.

On the other hand, there’s this.

Trash, High Grass, or Weeds Request at 3015 Pulaski Hwy Baltimore

Closed 3 days ago via Android Android_tiny


there is rats seen at this location

sr number: 13-00717363

status: Closed. No Violation Found SE

occupied: Property is unoccupied

property type: Residence

Violation? Of what? The anti-tall-grass-and-weeds-and-trash bill? I mean the stuff is definitely siting right there, what more evidence does 311 need? Clean that shit up guys!

Other Request at 198 W Preston St Baltimore

Closed 2 days ago via Android Android_tiny


homeless living in park…camp all set up

sr number: 13-00723879

status: Closed. Police issues must be called in.

Look familiar? Yup, it’s the same exact complaint from last time. DAMN YOU HOBOS!!!

Special Obsessive Award 311 complaint of the week!

Parking Complaint Request at 200 S Linwood Ave, Baltimore

Closed 1 day ago via iPhone Iphone_tiny


Will you PLEASE ticket this box truck for illegally parking in a residential area? It’s illegal for commercial vehicles to be parked here. This is my third request. I will contact the mayor’s office if you don’t issue a ticket.

sr number: 13-00725111

status: Closed. No Violation Found

violation: Commercial vehicle in residential area

This person submitted not one but FOUR complaints about this box truck plaguing the streets alongside Patterson Park (1, 2, 3), each of which has been closed by 311 – I don’t know who to feel sorry for here; the tortured soul whose only Earthly desire is to see this foul truck ticketed upon, or 311 for having to endure the obnoxious threats of calling Councilman Kraft or THE MAYOR HERSELF if it’s not ticketed?


Parking Complaint Request at 1603 Whetstone Way Baltimore

Closed 2 days ago via Android Android_tiny


corvette peals in and around mchenry row then parks in handicapped spot by green turtle.

sr number: 13-00724679

status: Closed. No Violation Found

violation: Handicap

Ah yes, the “I’ve got a sweet rad car and therefore I get to do whatever the fuck I want with it” guy. We saw this last time and it’s just as dickish this time. Parking in a handicap spot not even within the lines because DUDEBRO I’M IN A RUSH OK I NEED THOSE BONELESS BUFFALO SHRIMP POPPERONIS AND A BIG ASS BUD LIGHT STAT BRO DON’T HASSLE ME WITH YOUR FUKKIN’ RULES. And no violation found either, unless you actually look at the picture. But it is even worth the time and energy to file a complaint? I probably would just throw some rotting vegetation at the car and be done with it.


Till next time!


Filed under: Entertainment

  • that second photo, being sideways, was really confusing for a second, seriously. Also WTF with the complaints all being not violations? What does it take to be a violation?