Some Very Special (& Unsolicited) Valentine’s Day Advice from SpaceManAndy

Nobody wrote in about this, but I feel like it needs to be said. All over the internet, I see “I hate Valentine’s day!” “It’s a hallmark holiday” “It’s a day designed to make money” “I can’t afford to do Valentine’s Day” “It’s sexist and all about men spending money on women


Good lord, people! You’d think with this wild down-with-the-man independent streak, the battle cry should be “Don’t tell me how to celebrate my love” rather than “In protest I will not celebrate my love.” Why if you’re so against consumerism, why are you letting it take control of the holiday? You don’t have to spend a dime and it certainly doesn’t have to be all about the woman.

Love is amazing and deserves to be recognized! It doesn’t have to be sappy. Personally, I also love going on fancy dress-up dates and V-day provides a nice excuse, so that’s what I’m doing. Not everyone thinks fancy restaurants are amazing. Do something that your significant other will think is amazing. Anyone watch Parks and Rec? Ron Swanson never told anyone when his birthday was because birthdays are horrible with everyone giving you cake and singing and what not. Then Leslie Knope found out when it was, and he was horrified… until he saw what she had planned for him. She had a war movie for him to watch, a large steak, a lot of whiskey, and a cab to take him home. They presented his present and left. Ron learned an important lesson, that birthdays aren’t lame, the way most people celebrate birthdays is lame.

So, find what’s not lame for you and your special someone. It doesn’t have to be a grand Rom-Com gesture with boom box over your head. It doesn’t even have to cost money! Just use the day as an excuse to let your significant other know how much you care about them.

I heart you

I also would like to point out that, yes, the media and everyone present Valentine’s Day as a day to spend money on your girlfriend. Fuck that! The day should be about your love for each other, not the man’s love for the woman. I know a lot of same-sex couples who really resent Valentine’s Day for being heterocentric. Again, why is the battle cry “Fuck Valentine’s Day!” and not “Fuck you marketing! We have love too!“?

Yes, the marketing is all about men spending money on women or else they will have to sleep on the couch. Ignore it. Do you listen to the commercials that tell you that tell you that you need a Carfax when you buy a car? Or that you need to buy your significant other a Mercedes for Christmas?

Nothing says "I'm glad Jesus was born like adding a monthly car payment to your beloved's budget.
Nothing says “I’m glad Jesus was born like adding a monthly car payment to your beloved’s budget.


We bake our friends cookies when we don’t have money during Christmas, or, as a lot of my friends did, made some infused liquors. So why is Valentine’s day different? You don’t have to buy a $100 bouquet of flowers. Make your man that dinner that he loves but you don’t care for. Rent that movie that your ladyfriend wants to see but you have no interest in. Take some time to turn off your cell phones and play a board game (by candle light if you’re into that). It doesn’t fucking matter, as long as it shows the person you care about just how much you love them.

So, dear readers, if you have someone special in your life, yes, you are supposed to show them every day. But we all know that life gets in the way. You come home from work and you’re constipated, or she’s grumpy, or he has a headache, or whatever. Romance can’t be your priority every single day. All I’m saying is that today, on Saint Valentine’s Day, ignore the hype and put your hostility away. Just make sure the person you love knows just how much they mean to you.

Also, it’s much more fun to have fun than the be a curmudgeon.



If your love loves being curmudgeonly, then my advice is to get them crappy chocolates and take them to see Beautiful Creatures or some such movie so they can have fun telling you and their friends what a lame time it was.

4 thoughts on “Some Very Special (& Unsolicited) Valentine’s Day Advice from SpaceManAndy

  1. Two things:

    (1) I totally agree! Tonight, my partner & I are making pizza and probably watching Doctor Who and, even if we do that about 50% of the year anyway, it is still a way to show that we love each other & each other’s company.

    (2) Don’t play board games too close to an open flame. BE COOL ABOUT FIRE SAFETY. The worst Valentine’s Day gift to give someone is their house burning down.

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