SpaceManAndy’s Advice for Unrequited Puppy Love in Remington

Dear SpaceManAndy,

My dog loves my girlfriend. He like me, but he loves my girlfriend. We only got him a few weeks ago, but it’s clear who he prefers. I mean, she is better at training dogs than I am, so she has been training him, so he gets treats from her a lot, so that’s part of it. The other part is that every day since we got him, I’ve had to bring work home and haven’t had time to play with him. So he gets all his play time, treats, and love from her, so it makes sense, but I am still jealous. I want his love! Help me force my dog to love me!

Unrequited Puppy Love in Remington

Dear Unrequited Puppy Love,

In this situation, like most other situations in my life, I like to refer to 90s kids movies to be my guide. Remember Monkey Trouble?

There’s that one scene where the girl and bad man who taught the monkey to steal wants the monkey back and Thora Burch wants the monkey to stay with her because she’s a good person and can make the monkey good too. They decide to let the monkey choose which owner he wants to stay with. Our heroine uses an emotional plea to get the monkey to go to her, and the baddie has some food in his hand. Anyone who is anyone remembers that the monkey goes to the guy with the food.

The moral of the story is that animals are stupid and their love can be bought.

Remember Air Bud?
Air Bud

Remember that scene that made all of us cry when the boy was trying to make Air Bud run away and he wouldn’t because he loved the boy so much? Back in the 90s we assumed it was because they bonded so hard over basketball together. In the cruel light of adulthood, we know it’s because the Air Bud probably got his first good meal of his life from the boy after he was rescued from that alcoholic abusive previous owner.

My point is that if you want the dog to love you, you need to give the dog what it likes. Maybe if your girlfriend doles out the majority of the treats, you should be the one to feed him meals. Be the one who takes him on walks. Dogs love the shit out of some walks! If you want the warm fuzzy feeling of a dog greeting you when you get home from work, bring some treats with you to work, or keep some in the car. If you come home every day with a treat, I guarantee you that that dog will learn that you coming home means treats and will be excited to see you every damn day.

Now, remember, this is just a starting off point to get the dog to respond positively to you. Treats are not an entire relationship. If you want your dog to come to you, give him treats. If you want the dog to truly bond with you and be the kind of dog that would save your life —

Far From Home

— you need to do more than fulfill his biological needs. Schedule time to play with him and cuddle with him. Pet him whenever possible. Make sure you’re around sometimes when your girlfriend trains him. In addition to giving him the stuff he wants, be part of his training, it will make him want to impress you more. Just let the dog know how much you love him as much as possible in ways dogs understand.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?


3 thoughts on “SpaceManAndy’s Advice for Unrequited Puppy Love in Remington

  1. Era, to start, includes a good effect on “puppy love“.I remember those times when my mom prohibit me to see a specific child called Bryan. He was a large player that loved strolling although park with your fingers presented small ingesting only 1 cotton chocolate stay together. I think that I was 12 which caused it to be therefore innocent. Generally small old enjoy is the main one you fanaticize and time dream of the most.

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