Dear SpaceManAndy,
How do you get around awkwardness with coworkers when you’re in a new workplace? I mean, I walk past people and don’t acknowledge them when they acknowledge me, and vice versa. Someone might ask me how it’s going that I’ve never met before, I respond with one word answers, and then forget to introduce myself. Stuff like that. Please, help me behave like a normal person when first meeting people so I don’t become “that weird IT guy” in the office.
Awkward New Kid at Work
Dear New Kid,
I’d first like to say that being a “normal person” is highly over-rated. You know how “normal people” act in an office setting? Boring as shit, that’s how. They say the same few phrases to each other day after day, week after week. It’s tedious and you will want to kill yourself real quick. I mean, the movie Office Space isn’t too far off-base. It’s exaggerated, of course, but not one single Monday goes by without me either hearing or participating in a conversation that goes something like this:
Boring Office Person 1:
How was your weekend?
Boring Office Person 2:
Not long enough!
Boring Office Person 1:
Never is.
Titillating conversation, no?
As a reader of my column, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re a pretty cool guy, but writing in this question tells me that you’re also socially awkward. That doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, it just means that in these situations, you’re out of your element. In my book that’s a good thing. Don’t be that guy who makes the awkward joke about being on the “express” when everybody on the elevator is going to the same floor.
So, find a way to make a situation into what you consider your element. Pay attention to people. Find someone you think you have something in common with. When they ask about your weekend, tell them about a concert you went to, or a video game you enjoyed. Or go out of your way to ask them something interesting. Waiting by the coffee maker, don’t talk about how crazy Maryland weather is. We all know that it goes up and down and rains at odd times. Try to work in some of your own interests. I’m sure in your many years on this earth, you have noticed that it’s easy to talk about things you’re interested in. Find ways to work those things in, and conversation will just spew out of you and BAM! You appear as a socially functioning human being. And once you’ve exchanged some verbal communication, there’s really nothing wrong with going, “By the way, we haven’t been formally introduced. I’m whatshisface.”
Now, if you are too awkward to begin just talk about your interests, turn the tables. “Oh, you cleaned the gutters this weekend? Do you do a lot of handyman stuff around the house?” Get them talking about their interests and all you’ll have to do is smile and nod.Even the most socially inept of us should be able to pull off a smile and nod. Once you’ve had conversation with one person in the office, the rest just seem to come easier. Someone might over-hear you and join in the conversation. You are allowed to do this too. There’s nothing wrong with “Hey, are you guys talking about the new Batman movie? I went to see it this weekend.”
The phone also makes things easier. If your office is anything like mine, computers are ridiculously slow, and a fair amount of time is spent on the phone going “Ok, let me just pull that spreadsheet up.” Don’t just sit there listening to the person on the other line breathe into their handset. Ask them if they have big plans for the weekend, or if they have a vacation scheduled this summer. People love to brag about their vacations, and from the vacation chat, you can probably discern whether they’re married or have kids, maybe even what they’re doing with their pet. And really, what’s more “normal” than talking to someone about their pet?
So there you have it. How to fake it as a socially functioning human being in the workplace.
