The More You Know: That Guy’s on Heroin

Ah, the Heroin Lean. That inexplicable ability for the person across the street that’s clearly hopped up on goofballs to not fall flat on his or her face, just leaaaannning as far as humanly possible – usually with a Big Gulp in their hand – without crashing and burning. It’s society’s greatest, probably also one of the worst, examples of pure Schadenfreude. Yes, it’s not very funny that there are people out there with substance abuse problems and no, we shouldn’t be making fun of them – but holy shit is this stuff funny. And if there’s one thing that Baltimore has a lot of, it’s people on drugs. So commonplace, so normal is it to us denizens of Charm City on a daily basis that people accept it, shoot video of it, post it on Youtube and marvel at the ability of Mr. or Ms. MethMouth to somehow never fall over.

The phenomenon even has its own Tumblr, complete with scorecards and everything, which apparently is receiving submissions from readers – send yours today! The most amusing by far, IMO, being a Heroin Leaner caught by Google Maps, observe:


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Tragilarious. A few summers ago we happened upon this photo taken at South Baltimore’s Idle Hour, featuring two sleepy heads parked out front of the bar essentially blocking anyone from coming in or out. Little did I know until much, much later that the accompanying video, dubbed “Miracle on Fort Avenue,” tells a much more compelling tale of one man’s epic struggle against standing up on a corner, and a stop sign. Observe his journey, but don’t laugh – that would be wrong.

BONUS VIDEO!! Courtesy of @chefchadwells of Alewife notability:

http://youtu.be/q4Oi7-hDNKM

BONUS BONUS FLOWERPOT PIC! Courtesy of @bpal410

TRIPLE BONUS MIDDAY LEAN AND “IT’S HOT” WAVE!

http://youtu.be/lEZgvFDXZNs

20 thoughts on “The More You Know: That Guy’s on Heroin

  1. I saw one a few weeks ago on St. Paul right in front of Mercy.  Dude was leaning OVER the road with cars whizzing by.  You would think he would want to back up a little bit.  Their location choices defy logic.

  2. I live on fort ave, you see this alot. Its hard to stifle the laughter waling by these dopefeins

  3. new game:
    when stopped at a light near a leaner, roll the windows down and crank the volume on some good ol’ death metal.  see how many you can startle into falling over.

    1. WAH WAH WAH.I want to whine about the mistreatment of my brother in the media,don’t make fun of his wasted ass….. But I really wish the funding for these programs was better??? Doesn’t look like you are suffering financially.Here’s a thought,get him into a private program and pay for it.Or continue to let the streets take him and hope that he remembers that the fourth of July is his favorite day

  4. Observe the junkie, in his native habitat. Their sense of balance is one of nature’s marvels — the lean is truly a wonder to behold. But like most indigenous species, climate change is threatening to topple the junkie’s way of life. A minor breeze can wreak havoc on even the most robust heroin leans. And with global warming comes harsh storms and strong winds. In 1995, Baltimore contained an estimated 15,000 heroin leans. Today, that number is down to a mere 8,000 and falling fast. Will the junkie survive? Only time will tell. Next week on National Geographic City Creatures: The Hipster Stink.

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