Holographic interactions further legacy of facetious citizen engagement
After a series of Public Relations gaffes, Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake will dramatically shift her public relations work through the use of a hologram for alI public appearances.
In a discussion with reporters, Ryan O’Doherty, Director of Communications for City Hall, announced the Mayor has recruited the service of Digital Domain Media Group, known best for creating a hologram of the late Tupac Shakur for Coachella 2012. The joint venture, inspired after the Mayor watched a Star Wars marathon, will be called the Mayoral Utilizing Powerful Projections to Engage Troglodytes, or M.U.P.P.E.T. program.
An excited O’Doherty raved about the program, describing its benefits. “The people of this city… you know, they’re here. So we gotta give them something. And who becomes a politician because they like people? This will allow the public to have its paltry interactions, while we do what we’ve done best for years: giving money to our donor overlor– I mean, manage the city.”
To keep the hologram in synch with her typical appearances, the Hologram will use three mods which feature a clothing set and facial type:
The “I’m an important but fashionable city administrator ” mod,
the “I’m casual and friendly, but keep your distance” mod,
and the “I’m exhausted and flustered, and its your fault” mod.
To interact with constituents, the hologram is programmed to give the typical facial appearances and mannerisms associated with Rawlings-Blake, including the indifferent stare, indignant smirk, and “Mayor Glare,” that has gained significant media attention. Most impressively, the hologram has also been programmed with a baseline artificial intelligence, allowing it to be able to recognize figures she typically interacts with and respond appropriately. For example, when the hologram was shown a picture of Baltimore Sun reporter Julie Scharper, the hologram muttered “Naysayer” and stuck its fingers in its ears.
While impressed with the technological features, reporters expressed numerous concerns about the program, most notably the cost. When asked about the pricing for the MUPPET, O’Doherty said, “Well, it won’t not cost more than a million dollars. But there’s no price we won’t pay to not directly deal with citizens. And mind you, this is just a prototype. The contract could always be declined by the Board of Estimates…” O’Doherty then paused before cackling loudly and saying, “See? I can make a joke too.”
When asked why the Rawlings-Blake administration took this step in public relations, O’Doherty defended the decision by attacking public inquiries from the media. “Frankly, the naggers and folks who focus on the “facts” – Jayne Miller, I’m looking at you – are taking time away from our outstanding work. I mean, give me a break, people! We go on Twitter, we make a Facebook, and it isn’t enough – even though we tell you all the cool stuff we’re doing! In a way, we’re doing you a favor by not talking to you about the bad stuff, who wants a downer?”
“But no.. You people expect actual “engagement,” and accountability. Well I’ll tell you what. You people already had a chance to interact with the Mayor. Its called ‘right before we need your votes.'” O’Doherty then dropped the mic and left the podium.
Carl Stokes, likely reeling from his failed run for Mayor of McDonaldland, had no comment.
Here’s an idea: How about we elect a mayor who is competent, and doesn’t make public relations gaffes?
Here’s a better ideal…let get people out to vote so we CAN elect a real mayor !
I’ve often wondered if she was “all there”, but this literally makes my questioning mute! You’ve captured the essence of her communications director, the spin-king … too special!
1 Million dollars ????????????? Now what were we complaining tabout hat we did not have money for?? We can take money from schools, rec centers and people oriented concerns and create a cartoon mayor – what a joke!
danm right!