Baltimore – A political spokesperson has noted that Carl Stokes, long time political veteran who briefly ran for Mayorship of Baltimore, is considering a run for Mayor of McDonaldland instead. If he mounted a run against the incumbent, Mayor McCheese, it could constitute the largest political challenge faced by the incumbent in McDonaldland history.
“It is simple math, really,” said the spokesperson, “For too long, McCheese has seen McDonaldland as a footstool to all the delicious hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and big macs he could eat. In his mind, being Mayor is nothing more than something to satisfy his ambition for food! McDonaldland needs a leader who has taken a stand against the bun lobby, and can bring together the Grimaces and Happy Meal Gang!”
When asked about whether or not Stokes’ residency would be an issue, the spokesperson soundly rejected the question, saying, “Residency questions have never been an issue for Baltimore’s politicians. Ever. The same applies to McDonaldland.”
Stokes’ recent actions in the Baltimore City Council – where he represents the 12th district – seemed to indicate he is preparing a run for higher office. Recent legislation he has proposed includes a resolution calling for tougher penalties for Hamburglars, a moratorium against TIFFs (Tax Incremented Filet-O-Fish), and Q-PILOTs (Quarter-Pounders in Lieu of Taxes). When discussing the budget, Stokes called for cuts in the public safety budget in order to provide food for the Fry Kids. Furthermore, In what many analysts are considering a bold move, Stokes has also called for the return of the Griddler and reinstating Officer Big Mac as Police Commissioner, who recently fell from grace after a domestic abuse scandal.
In addition, Stokes’ recent public dialogue appears to be appealing to the McNugget Buddies, which have long been considered his political base. In an interview with WYPR, Stokes said, “Its obvious that the African American Councilmembers care about the matters serving our important Chicken Nuggets, whereas the other caucasian Councilmembers largely don’t. Whether you are white meat or dark meat, in my book, all nuggets are breaded, fried and delicious.”
These remarks were soundly rejected by other members of the council. Bill Cole, who represents the 11th district, said, “Councilman Stokes’ statements against the council are completely false. If he spent more time watching what he said and paying attention, he’d know better. After all, has he seen (3rd District Councilman) Bobby Curran tear through an Extra Value Meal like I have? I doubt it.”
Although time will tell what the election will bring, we are certain that Stokes’ participation in the race will supersize public interest and help give much needed direction to the tasty but troubled town.
Update – The political spokesperson for Councilman Stokes has announced that he will not run for Mayor of McDonaldland, stating “Although McDonaldland has hit darker days under McCheese, it is clear that there is still much to be done in the 12th district. Councilman Stokes is proud to serve his constituents and that despite the struggles, he’s lovin’ it.” The spokesperson had no comment regarding a recent McZogby poll which placed Stokes in sixth place behind Mayor McCheese, Ronald McDonald, Birdie the Early Bird, Frank Conaway, and a plank with a smiley face drawn on it.