Sheila, I’m sure you’re well aware that your mayoral successor-by-default, Stephanie Rawlings Blake, recently won Baltimore’s illustrious and completely amazing primary election, essentially guaranteeing her mayorship after the general election. Just as you were finally voted into office having served as mayor-by-default after Martin O’Malley saved us all from BGE rate hikes when taking office as governor so many years ago, so too will Stephanie Rawlings Blake, though her chances of getting kicked out of office seem marginally slimmer than yours, in retrospect (no offense).
The problem is, unfortunately, SRB isn’t much fun to write about. She’s kinda boring. She doesn’t wear giant hats, fur coats, summon wizards as defense attorneys, propose taxes on belching, demand police protection, refuse to return security cameras for her house to the city, steal gift cards, engage in brazen nepotism, not even one shoe thrown in her 17 years of public service. Reading her press releases, plans for the city and listening to her political-machine-esque speeches devoid of anything new and different makes my eyes want to sleep, and worse yet, they aren’t funny at all!
But you, dear Sheila, you’ve got flair. Panache. And hell, you even had a legacy in your time as mayor: a free circulator everyone seems to enjoy, single stream recycling, a (sort of) plan to increase the city’s tree canopy in the next like, 40 years, things your average citizen actually benefits from on a daily basis. And let me tell you, had you been there for that totally sweet Baltimore Grand Prix, I’m willing to bet your hat would have been the biggest. What have we seen out of SRB legacy-wise aside from managing a completely broke city budget with out of control benefits spending and higher fees across the board ad infinitum? I can’t ride that for free to the book fair! I suppose she’s got four years to show us, but I doubt her legacy would be as awesomely outrageous as yours Sheila!
Which is why I’m asking – nay, begging – for you to run for mayor again in 2015. I mean hell, Marion Barry got re-elected and his crime was, for all intents and purposes, a thousand times more awesome than yours. And your 2007 campaign where you ran Keiffer Mitchell through the mud because his father stole $50,000 from him? *genius!* How much fun would it be to do the same to SRB? Now more than ever, the city of Baltimore needs you back. ….for the sake of our communities, and to save me from the boredom of Stephanie Rawlings Blake. For the lack of giant hats, for the myriad of unfinished development projects with your name on them still, we need you. More importantly, I need something to continue making fun of aside from the City Council. A Dixon vs. Rawlings-Blake campaign would be so grandly epic, its three-ring circusry would be etched into the marble of time, forever undiminished. Please. Please run for Mayor again, and rise to the occasion!!