The City That Breeds » Schadenfreude » CLOTHING CRIME SHOWDOWN: UGGS VS. CROCS

CLOTHING CRIME SHOWDOWN: UGGS VS. CROCS

December 6th, 2010 | 16 Comments

It’s no mystery to the world at large that Uggs are horrible. Horrible, heinous crimes of fashion humanity that inexplicably continue to exist on a seemingly collective delusion that $$$ + comfort + looks horrible = superior quality. And yet, there is another perpetrator of a similar crime in society, a manner of footwear that is equally insidious in its infiltration of human feet and even making headway into various professions as a gold standard for comfort and ridiculous appearance. Of course I could only be referring to Crocs, the plastic-meets-rubber-meets-holes bizarro shoes which, like Uggs, seem to appeal to so many despite looking like a crayola box threw up on one’s feet.

And so the showdown begins.

THE BREAKDOWN

UGGS


  • Preferred by women, also residents of New Jersey
  • Worn as soon as temperature dips below 80°F
  • Magnetically drawn to Starbucks products, gigantic sunglasses
  • Despite being a “boot,” has no sole or arch support
  • If negative opinion regarding silly nature of Uggs formed by person, individual is jealous of Uggs pricetag
  • Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur
CROCS


  • Preferred by babies, nurses, gardeners, some men, ages 3-87
  • Inexplicably worn year round
  • Magnetically drawn to baby carriages, beaches, red carpets and corner grocery stores
  • Inherently includes double clothing crime “Crocs with Socks” (see photo)
  • Low cost produces “They’re cheap and comfortable” opinion rather than “Expensive and comfortable” despite equally ridiculous appearance
  • CROX peaked at an absolutely ludicrous price of $69/share in 2007

And so the time has come to decide a ….victor? Which is more offensive: Uggs or Crocs? I hope you can decide, because I pretty much can’t.

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Filed under: Schadenfreude

  • JasonK

    Crocks are WAY more offensive. Uggs are frequently worn by hot women, Crocks by snotty nosed rich kids and old dudes too right wing for Birks. Crocks DO have a darwin advantage as I have heard of people getting them stuck in escalators to toe shredding horror/delight.

  • http://charmcitybarfly.com charm city barfly

    Crocs. Definitely crocs are the worse.

  • falnfenix

    agreed – the original crocs are like rubberized hell.

  • ppankl

    crocs can serve a purpose… (washable, lightweight, supportive for on-the-feet jobs). yeah, the original style is ugly, but they make some less-offensive styles as well. i own two pairs!

    uggs are worthless and should only be marketed as slippers.

  • http://baltimoregal.blogspot.com/ baltimoregal

    Gotta say the crocs are more offensive. Offensive has nothing to do with utility, since uggs also have the utility of warmth. It’s a close one, though.

  • Nancy Whiskey

    Yeah, I’m on the side of Crocs being worse. You can even get away with Uggs not looking TOO bad if you wear them UNDER jeans.

  • http://kittykatepapers.wordpress.com/ KittyKate

    I have to go with a tie. Uggs for the crime that people wear them with skirts and shorts. Crocs for the crime of being worn in public in general.

  • http://www.dennfinn.com dennfinn

    I’m gonna go against the grain and fall on the side of Uggs, because HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED A PAIR OF WELL-WORN UGGS? My nose is scarred by it.

  • http://twitter.com/northern_heart northern_heart

    Oooh…this is a tough one but it’s a debate that is long overdue! Around here, Uggs are the most common offender. I have seen them worn in ways that bring ugly to a whole new level!

  • Sharon

    Crocs are hands down worse. I mean have you seen them? Both Uggs and Crocs are hideous but crocs are far worse.

  • amy

    Crocs are the enduring atrocity. 500 years from now, when even the most offensive Ugg has biodegraded into a pile of carbon, Crocs will stand in all their original petrochemical glory, proclaiming the douchebaggery of the 21st century to our ancestors.

  • http://www.beerinbaltimore.com Brad

    I guess I’m the only one left who digs a hot chick wearing Uggs and black leggings. You know… the easy type.

  • http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/midnight_sun/blog Sam Sessa

    Why don’t we get Septimius the Great to weigh in here? He is fashion, after all.

    • http://citythatbreeds.com Evan

      Oh man, that’s a fantastic idea. I might just email him myself

  • Calexan

    UGG’s cannot be cleaned inside, How can people continue to wear them they stink. People on college campuses love to wear them with track shorts and sweaters, really? Is that your fashion statement?

  • http://bootshub.com/ Katie

    crocs, couldnt be anything else.

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