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Faced with the worst record in the major leagues last Friday (15-39), president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail made the landmark decision to replace manager Dave Trembley with something just as effective; a trio of collectible Cal Ripken Jr. bobbleheads.
“Really this one’s a no brainer. The symbolic presence of Cal will provide every Oriole with the positive energy they need to succeed, and with even the slightest breeze these bobbleheads will nod their heads approvingly of every decision made on and off the field.” |
The bobbleheads will cost the club $49 USD with a salary of $0 annually, considerably less than Dave Trembley’s, which may offer the opportunity for the Orioles to boost their bullpen in the interim. Among the strategies for doing so include buying lots of prison grade crystal meth, anabolic steroids and possibly a rocket launcher. “We’re open to all possibilities,” noted McPhail, “in this rebuilding phase of the club it seems we’re through the looking glass.”