Since 2004, Baltimore has been forced to acknowledge the fact that it for some reason commissioned a guy to build received the gift of a 51-foot tall metal statue with a glowing heart in front of Penn Station from a private organization, enjoying a level of eyesore that causes even the blindest infant to wince. The metal menace known as male/female continues to offend the eyes/hearts/minds of Baltimore – nay, Earth, and it is time to begin suggesting some alternative uses for the gobstrocity so we can finally get our $750,000 worth. I humbly submit these ideas for public consumption. (click for big)
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While male/female may be somewhat useless as a piece of art, it does emit light and is very tall. For these reasons it could potentially be a fairly decent lighthouse, guiding our beloved clipper ships home to safety. |
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Through me you pass into the city of woe, Through me you pass into eternal pain, Through me among the people lost for aye. Before me things create were none, save things, |
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Sheila Dixon may no longer be mayor, but lordy knows she still needs protection! And since the tide of public opinion may prevent posting live officers outside of her home all the time for very long, perhaps male/female could be adjusted to be motion sensitive, its heart illuminating when dangerous intruders come prowling! Worry not, disgraced mayor! You will be safe! |
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Paw that has got to be the best scarecrow we done ever bought!! Let’s go wrestle some pigs!! |
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“Houston, we have a problem.”
“One small step for a man, one giant ugly stupid metal statue” “Insert other moon joke here” Whatever, let’s just send the damn thing to the moon. |
heeee-larious.
Great post, except that the city didn’t commission the statue. It was a gift from some people with terrible taste.
We’re fully in favor of making it go away in any way possible, and putting the Frank Zappa statue in its place.
duly adjusted. also i agree with the idea of putting zappa up, so long as there’s a set of companion statues featuring HL Mencken and Willy Don, all three of them high fiving at once.
actually now that I think about it I’m going to make a companion post regarding what SHOULD be there…
Send it to Pittsburgh
Perhaps a global warming lightning strike.