Jasón Roland – “Persons and Parcels” 
Jasón Roland – “Going Around” 
Sky MaLOL
by Evan on Dec.23, 2009, under Crass Consumerism, Entertainment and So Forth
We’ve all been there before. You’re sitting on a plane, bored out your skull because you forgot to bring a book or a gameboy, and some asshole has filled out the crossword AND the sudoku IN PEN in the back of the stupid inflight magazine. Desperate for entertainment, you reach out with a wincing pained look on your face and pick up the last ditch, bottom of the barrel form of airplane entertainment: Sky Mall. All the lazer guided forks you could ever want to pay entirely too much for, right at your fingertips.
Truly there is a place in this world for even the most useless products, and Sky Mall is most certainly the place to find them. Here are my favorites.
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TELEKINETIC OBSTACLE COURSE
Have you ever felt like moving a ball with a fan through a hoop – WITH YOUR BRAIN?? Then this ridiculous looking piece of crap is for you!! Only $99.95!! Order Now!! |
| LASER GUIDED POOL CUE
Are you so shitty at pool that you need to cheat and use a laser to line up your shot? Do you feel the need to put batteries in your pool cue? Then this ridiculous looking piece of crap is for you!! Only $129.95!! Order Now!! |
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ELECTRONIC FENG SHUI COMPASS
Are you a total moron? Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $199.99!! Order Now!! |
| SUNLIGHT 365
Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) and need a thing to sit on your desk that shines a bright light in your face? Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $59.99!! Order Now!! |
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SOLAFEET FOOT TANNER
Do you want or need to tan your FUCKING FEET at home or in the office?!?!?! Then this ridiculous piece of crap is for you!! Only $229.99!! Order Now!! |
| HEAD SPA MASSAGER
BWAHAHAHAHAHAahahahahhahahaha wtf order now only $49.95. |
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LIGHT THERAPY SYSTEM
STICK YOUR FACE IN THIS THING IT HEALS STUFF ORDER NOW $399.95 |
| PERSONAL INFRARED SAUNA
………..sweet jesus what the CHRIST. order now only $499.00 |
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UNDERWATER CELL PHONE SYSTEM
WHY. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVER CONCEIVABLY NEED TO MAKE A GODDAMN CELL PHONE CALL WHILE SCUBA DIVING. JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. GOOD GOD. ORDER NOW ONLY …..$1790!?!?!?!?!? GGAAAAAAAAH!!! |
ORDER NOW!!!
Related posts:
Jasón Roland – “Persons and Parcels” Jasón Roland – “Going Around”
December 23rd, 2009 on 3:57 pm
sky mall’s target audience = spies.
December 23rd, 2009 on 4:38 pm
Spies and bald guys apparently – lots of laser combs
December 28th, 2009 on 10:24 am
You know, I vaguely recall seeing that sauna in a James Bond movie. Bond traps some bad dude in it and turns the heat all the way up. I have to say, anyone who owns a personal sauna deserves to roast in it.
December 28th, 2009 on 10:27 am
Also, it should be noted — this is one of the funniest posts on City That Breeds.
Evan, I tried to make it to ryan97ou’s party the other day but my Feng Shui Compass steered me to LuX instead.
December 28th, 2009 on 11:55 am
well then it must be working coz Lux is the most Feng Shuiiiest place in town!