Fells Point Fun Festival canceled in favor of tax hike

Facing severe budget shortfalls in the upcoming fiscal year, the decision was passed down during Monday’s city council meeting to forgo this year’s 43rd annual Fells Point Fun Festival in favor of a $5 “fun tax” designed to boost awareness concerning the amount of fun that can be had in Baltimore City, and simultaneously bridge some gaps in the city’s $3467 million public school deficit. The free fun normally enjoyed by residents and tourists in the form of parks and recreation, festivals, harbor water paths and boarded house torching will now cost all a one time fee of $5.

The bill, sponsored by James B. Kraft, is also aimed at improving public safety during a time in which drunken behavior at the festival can become a nuisance.

“Yeah I’ve seen them Yousetube videos of people runnin’ along the tops of portatoolets and gettin’ all drunk and bein’ loud. The problems them people cause costs the city way much more money and lowers property values of them shiny condos I like than the beer garden at the festival brings in. Plus, people who live in Baltimore have been freeridin’ on the fun that living in the city brings and it’s time they paid their dues.”

Those opposed to the bill feel that the Baltimore City Fun Tax is merely a re purposed form of the proposed increase in parking fees surrounding the inner harbor area, which was shot down recently by a strong opposition. Others still feel that the experience of fun in Baltimore City should remain free. When presented with this notion several members of the City Council responded with “But… where’s the revenue?”

A thunderous round of applause then filled the council chambers.

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