What the HELL, Quiznos???

Alright Quiznos, you’re on the shit list. The last time I ate a sub at one of your franchises, it was a pile of poo poo pee pee, these new Torpedo sandwiches are laughable, and now THIS?!?

Hell, Quiznos ads used to be sort of catchy (if not creepy) – little mice in outfits singing ridiculous songs and what not – now we’re down to a suggestively sexual toaster oven and a reference to a scat-eating video popularized by the internet?

I mean this video isn’t even funny or clever OR sexy, it’s literally just two girls “erotically” eating a Toasty Torpedo and making a mess of it. It does not in any way shape or form make me want to eat one of those stupid sandwiches. With pewp like this, it’s no wonder Subway is slaughtering Quizno’s in the franchise wars.

Here, I hope you like crap (slightly NSFW):

5 thoughts on “What the HELL, Quiznos???

  1. is this what playboy has reduced itself to?!?! sub porn?! hugh hefner is spinning in his grave… oh right, he’s not dead yet, although playboy just might be.
    i’m not sure that makes anyone want to buy a sub or even porn. and evan, thanks for reminding me of that weirdly sexual toaster oven commercial. and i’ve got a pretty good sense of humor, but in no way shape or form do i want to associate scat with eating subs.

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