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good news

June 26th, 2008 | 7 Comments

Dear Evan,

At least, you can still own a gun. Surely such a landmark ruling will bolster our patriotism through the long dark night of $4/gal. of gas! Especially in Baltimore, where I won’t even talk to white people (I’m talking about you W.E. Gatsum) unarmed.

What’s really important is that poor and rich alike are fooled into thinking security lies in guns rather than, say, property reform. Luckily we have rich people and slum lords to teach us how its done…

your friend, Luke

[FYI: former resident of 1800 block of Eutaw St.; Former employee and researcher for Co* Group -- meaning I know a few (not many) things about stuff.]

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  • http://evansiple.com Evan

    Property reform takes too long. Owning a gun only takes a two minute background check and some cash!

  • Mike

    Man i’m glad i don’t own a gun. I totally would have shot Dave Gray in the face when he walked into my room FROM THE GODDAMN DECK.

  • http://evansiple.com Evan

    at 2am, while drunk.

  • http://www.evansiple.com wgatsum

    Yeah, DC definitely should have banned guns harder since their longstanding gun ban was so ineffective at preventing gun crime. But if they really want to get to the root of these problems, they should ban illegal drugs and murder. Unfortunately, for any of this to work, they will have to ban big city officials from smoking crack with prostitutes, firing police to cover their stripper-murdering friends and giving no-bid contracts to real estate developers who make illegal campaign contributions. I really feel that we should all yearn for the day when we can we can let city bureaucrats manage our personal safety with the same competence and benevolence that they show for their public schools.

  • http://www.evansiple.com wgatsum

    Also, we should probably look into regulating this “property reform” before criminals start wielding it instead of their less-effective guns.

  • http://lmergner.blogspot.com muke

    On the final point, yes, well, maybe… but on the other stuff WEG, you constantly list all the absurd and infuriating things about life (especially politics) as if the mendacity of some is a sufficient reason to do nothing. Or, worse, to adopt the me-first attitude at the root of the problem. As per usual, you are so humorously circumspect I can’t tell what you really think.

    Rereading my post, I note it is both poorly written and vague: a big non-sequitur from guns -> property reform. Even I can’t quite remember what I meant. (And what’s that obnoxious bracketed comment tacked on the end? How condescending! I’m embarrassed to read it.)

    Also, in other news, this comment is the longest thing I’ve written in months. (Dissertation forward! cue: french horn.) Time to go back to World of Warcraft.

  • http://lmergner.blogspot.com muke

    PS: Of course, all this hand-wringing over guns will be pointless if we end up in a new Wild West. (theoretically awesome.) I’ll be getting a six shooter and a pony.

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