I love to eat. Who doesn’t? And recently I’ve been finding that I also enjoy documenting what I eat – being that every mobile phone has a camera rammed into it, I can quickly snap a picture of what I’m eating, jot down how much it costs and where I got it, and take mental notes on whether it’s good or not. Now and forever more, I will share these glorious bits of informationaries with you all. The format will be as such: What it is, where I got it, how much it costs, and a brief paragraph about whether it was good at all.

For example…

What: Southern Maryland Pulled Pork BBQ sandwich Where: Gertrude’s (10 Art Museum Drive) How Much: $10 – LUNCH ONLY 12pm-3pm Synopsis: Filling, tangy, really really good. The bottom bun got soggy so I couldn’t pick it up. Fortunately forks still function in today’s society and I ate it that way. Came with pasta salad (or slaw) and fries.

(If you’d like to submit your own mealtime entry, follow those simple guidelines and email me!)

You know the drill. I swear the fluff posts are coming to an end soon. BUT I’M BUSY OK

SA forums user Millie has some rather interesting ideas of what some beloved Sesame Street characters would look like in real life, and I feel as though the results are awesome:

This silent film from 1907 features a dancing pig – with some incredibly …strange articulation.

One of my finest memories of adolescence, aside from making very frequent and hilarious Michael Jackson jokes, was playing Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker for the Sega Genesis. If you’ve never heard of this game previously it’s not too surprising; the game, based on the 1988 movie was a …cult classic, to be sure. It also never, ever ceased to be totally hilarious. The premise: Michael Jackson must travel through five levels of varying oddness (a night club, a parking lot, a graveyard, a cave, and a robofortress), saving orphaned children from Mr. Big, the evil child napper (as played by Joe Pesci in the movie). That in and of itself seems fairly innocuous, yes? Yeah well let me just give you a bullet list of some of the “features” of this game that make it as bizarre and uncomfortable as the real-life and now deceased King of Pop.

Remember when I mentioned saving orphaned children approximately 6 lines of text ago? Well, this is accomplished by searching all manner of windows, doors, gravestones, bushes, car trunks – where the children are hidden. MJ explores said locations by flourishing with a spin, opening the container and discovering one of three things: Nothing, a bomb, or a child. In the happy event of discovering a child, the child dances in front of MJ, shouts “Michael!” and then flies off on a ….comet. Sort of. It definitely looks like a sperm. All this while MJ has his pelvis thrust outward. Hooray! Once all of the children have been saved, Bubbles the Chimp shows up on another comet and shows MJ the way to the exit. Precious.

Not to be undone by the strangeness of this philanthropic endeavour, I would also note that while attempting to save small children there are waves and waves of various enemies, from gun toting gangsters to cats to zombies, attempting to thwart our hero. MJ has several methods of dispatching these foes: either kicking stardust at them, spinning around violently and then throwing his hat at them – upon impact they EXPLODE, or spinning for an extended period of time and initiating a full screen dance routine – which results in everything on screen dropping dead. Awesome.

This routine extends for a full 5 levels, until the grande finale during which MJ turns into a gigantic robot, launching missiles and shooting lasers from his eyes, destroying absolutely everything and everyone in his path. Like most things in Michael Jackson’s existence, I couldn’t make this shit up. The last confrontation involves RoboJackson flying after Mr. Big in his space ship, pelting him with weaponry until he finally explodes in a fiery death. The children are safe. Don’t believe me? Here, play the game for yourself. Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker (download to desktop, requires a ROM emulator to play) Shine on, you batshit crazy diamond.

Tonight marks the 3rd Ignite Baltimore event taking place at the Windup Space on North Ave., 6pm. The multimedia event places speakers on a stage with 20 Powerpoint slides, and 5 minutes to say whatever it is they have to say.  I have only attended one of them but it was a fairly interesting to see the wide variety of discussion topics. From surviving the first year of a 2.0 company to Councilman Bill Henry’s “Perfecting the Union,” a slightly longer than 5 minute presentation on the need for citizens of Baltimore to become engaged in the civic process – most of the presentations were engaging to say the least.

Tickets are more than likely all given out, but the event is free and there’s 99% chance anyone without a ticket will be able to get in.

Plus, there’s free pizza from the outrageously tasty Joe Squared! So go!

It has been entirely too long since the previous installment in our ongoing Jamaica Tales saga, and this last chapter is what I like to refer to as “a doozy.” A “barnburner,” if you will. A tale of epic horror, rivaled only by some sort of horror movie that has yet to be created by man or beast. Enjoy!
(continue reading…)

At The Decline, an eclectic blogitation of philosophy and brain snot, we ask the tough questions. This time we tackle the age-old question of how you’d like an animal to eat you…

Join the Debate!

Its been close to five years since I was a permanent resident in Baltimore. Now the fly-over zone is great for people who like long drives unbroken by pesky “things,” but I miss the friendly atmosphere of my local Baltimore bar. (Mostly, I frequented Dougherty’s—cloak & dagger ftw!)

But I’m not here just to reminisce about old times—like walking out of Friends into the midday summer sun with a stomach full of Bodington’s and that glorious chicken sandwich…. I’m getting distracted by food again.

Does anyone remember the great Fela Kuti cover band from Peabody that used to play all the art joints around Baltimore (G-spot for example). They are the best live show I’ve ever seen. I’m looking for bootleg or legitimate live recordings! Please help! Emailz me!